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Since the mother contacts you, have you ever asked her why she feels the need to protect your sister? She's fifty, afterall. Even if there was some kind of scandal at the time of conception, I would think your sister could handle it now. That said, it still might be worth asking the mother just in case there's something really big she's withholding.
Probably because it was shameful back then to have a kid out of wedlock.
The lie has gone on so long.. who knows if the mother preached to the daughter about sex before marriage. Then the daughter finds this out and now everything the mother said was BS.
Since the mother contacts you, have you ever asked her why she feels the need to protect your sister? She's fifty, afterall. Even if there was some kind of scandal at the time of conception, I would think your sister could handle it now. That said, it still might be worth asking the mother just in case there's something really big she's withholding.
When I did broach the subject with her Mom she said that our sister did not know that the man who raised her was not her biological father. He's passed away and Mom has been married 2 consecutive times and her current husband doesn't know her history either. She said, "It's none of his DAMN business!" Then she was crying and saying that her daughter would feel lied to and never trust her again. This is her only child. I think she's really fearful of outing herself to everyone, even her husband.
From all the family gossip and what she has said it seems pretty textbook. Mom got prego at 15, her father did not like father of the baby and wanted her to have a better life (more money). She disappeared from father of the baby's life, married an older richer man at the age of 18 and had her first husband adopt her. She actually kept in touch with my Grandmother and allowed her to see the daughter a few times. Grandma kept her secret as a trade off for seeing her grandchild. Incidentally my half sister strongly resembles our Grandmother, another reason why I'd really like to meet her.
Our family has an account on Geni dot com, which is a great website for connecting with you family and others doing genealogy . Mom of my sis likes to peruse the site and check us out, she was just on there yesterday as well.
Whatever happens now is in their hands. I left all of my contact info in a message at my sisters work, so if and when she wants to talk I'll be there for her.
I can honestly say that at 40 I had a similar experience and that she really should know about this while her mother is still alive to answer questions, no matter how hard it's going to be for either of them. There was question of whether the man that raised me was my biodad or a guy my "mother" had an affair with. I can't imagine if this guy actually found me and knocked on my door.
Anyway, she is going to be shocked; felt lied to. She is probably going to cry her eyes out. Be prepared before hand with a DNA center that will either come out or one you can go to before telling her so that you are prepared.
How does her bio father feel about this?
If you do say something, he's going to have questions to answer too.
Good luck.
Honestly, I wouldn't wait too long.
Bio Father would like to meet her. He seems to be curious about all of the genetic material he's spread out into the world.
I'm sure she'll be extremely shocked, especially this late in the game. She appears to have had a very stable upbringing as an only child.
With my own transient living in a bus on the river life lifestyle, I am rarely shocked at anything. I wouldn't be surprised if I have a few more secret siblings out there. If your mother knew my father at all.....we might be related!
When I did broach the subject with her Mom she said that our sister did not know that the man who raised her was not her biological father. He's passed away and Mom has been married 2 consecutive times and her current husband doesn't know her history either. She said, "It's none of his DAMN business!" Then she was crying and saying that her daughter would feel lied to and never trust her again. This is her only child. I think she's really fearful of outing herself to everyone, even her husband.
You're her worst nightmare.
She's built this huge lie and is now going to be found out.
She's even lying to her husband? How low.
Quote:
Originally Posted by We're All Aliens
Whatever happens now is in their hands. I left all of my contact info in a message at my sisters work, so if and when she wants to talk I'll be there for her.
Good luck & keep us posted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by We're All Aliens
Bio Father would like to meet her. He seems to be curious about all of the genetic material he's spread out into the world.
I'm sure she'll be extremely shocked, especially this late in the game. She appears to have had a very stable upbringing as an only child.
With my own transient living in a bus on the river life lifestyle, I am rarely shocked at anything. I wouldn't be surprised if I have a few more secret siblings out there. If your mother knew my father at all.....we might be related!
My DNA test turned out positive for my dad, shame he wasn't alive to see it. He passed away 2 hours after giving his DNA for it.
He had cancer, I was going to be a stem cell donor but found this out, they ended up genetically testing me but wouldn't use me due to high sugar & something with the liver.
When I did broach the subject with her Mom she said that our sister did not know that the man who raised her was not her biological father. He's passed away and Mom has been married 2 consecutive times and her current husband doesn't know her history either. She said, "It's none of his DAMN business!" Then she was crying and saying that her daughter would feel lied to and never trust her again. This is her only child. I think she's really fearful of outing herself to everyone, even her husband.
From all the family gossip and what she has said it seems pretty textbook. Mom got prego at 15, her father did not like father of the baby and wanted her to have a better life (more money). She disappeared from father of the baby's life, married an older richer man at the age of 18 and had her first husband adopt her. She actually kept in touch with my Grandmother and allowed her to see the daughter a few times. Grandma kept her secret as a trade off for seeing her grandchild. Incidentally my half sister strongly resembles our Grandmother, another reason why I'd really like to meet her.
Our family has an account on Geni dot com, which is a great website for connecting with you family and others doing genealogy . Mom of my sis likes to peruse the site and check us out, she was just on there yesterday as well.
Whatever happens now is in their hands. I left all of my contact info in a message at my sisters work, so if and when she wants to talk I'll be there for her.
What a shame the mother has continued to perpetuate this lie for so long. Your sister is an adult and has the right to know about her family. But, given what you've said about the situation I can understand the mother's fear (although it's highly unlikely the outcome from this knowledge will be as horrible as she believes it will). She just should've cleared up this situation long ago. Do let us know how it works out. Good luck.
"You're her worst nightmare.
She's built this huge lie and is now going to be found out.
She's even lying to her husband? How low."
This made me laugh! I have this flowery hippie name and now I'm a nightmare! But just like the childrens' books about nightmares, sometimes things aren't as scary as they're made out to be. Here comes the flowery hippie girl gonna tell on you....ooga booga!
"My DNA test turned out positive for my dad, shame he wasn't alive to see it. He passed away 2 hours after giving his DNA for it.
He had cancer, I was going to be a stem cell donor but found this out, they ended up genetically testing me but wouldn't use me due to high sugar & something with the liver."
Wow, that is a sad amazing story. Luckily you both got to see each other and now you know the truth. Life is short and your story just reiterates the importance of reaching out before it's too late.
I now have the sister's direct cell phone. Due to sleuth work I also have her work and home address and work email. I'm thinking that writing a letter and sending some pics may be more tangible and believable than an email or phone call. Thoughts?
"You're her worst nightmare.
She's built this huge lie and is now going to be found out.
She's even lying to her husband? How low."
This made me laugh! I have this flowery hippie name and now I'm a nightmare! But just like the childrens' books about nightmares, sometimes things aren't as scary as they're made out to be. Here comes the flowery hippie girl gonna tell on you....ooga booga!
LOL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by We're All Aliens
Quote:
"My DNA test turned out positive for my dad, shame he wasn't alive to see it. He passed away 2 hours after giving his DNA for it.
He had cancer, I was going to be a stem cell donor but found this out, they ended up genetically testing me but wouldn't use me due to high sugar & something with the liver."
Wow, that is a sad amazing story. Luckily you both got to see each other and now you know the truth. Life is short and your story just reiterates the importance of reaching out before it's too late.
Exactly why I posted about what I went through. It was the short version btw.. lol Lots of drama.
But yes, you never know what tomorrow brings. Look at 9/11 - people lost lives. a little over a year ago, my hubby fell off of his tractor trailer while trying to get a car off of the top deck. I could have lost him. Someone he used to work with had the same fall a few months later but wasn't as lucky.
Quote:
Originally Posted by We're All Aliens
I now have the sister's direct cell phone. Due to sleuth work I also have her work and home address and work email. I'm thinking that writing a letter and sending some pics may be more tangible and believable than an email or phone call. Thoughts?
I don't know how I'd feel had it gone down in a letter. The story behind mine, I'm surprised someone didn't either knock on my door, call me or send me a letter. Some man actually believed (might still believe) I was his and was going to fight for custody of me.
I don't like email because you don't know if she's read it or if the spam filter got it. Same thing with a letter, you don't know if she got it if she doesn't respond, unless you can count on her mother calling/contacting you. I like in person better. Whether you call her to ask for a meeting in a public place, telling her she doesn't know you but you know her through a mutual friend or something to that effect. Unless you know her routine, if she stops for coffee on her way home from work, you can always hand her a letter.
If you do it in person, is there someone that's an EMT that can go in case she has a heart attack or something? Had my "mothers" history been different, I might have had one when I found out. She cheated on my dad all my life. I knew in my heart that I was his because we share too many common things that would be genetic.
I agree-I would do this in person. An email or letter can be misinterpreted. If you are sitting face to face telling her what you know-then you have done all you can-the rest is then up to her. And I don't know why the mom is flipping out-just because her 'dad" is not biologically her dad, he was still her dad and the only dad she ever knew. Her knowing the truth won't change her love for him. The mom needs to be a grown-up. JMO.
Anne
I've found my half sister who is now 50 years old. I've known about her for 15 years. My other half sister located her 16 years ago but was told by the 50 yr olds mother to "not interfere in her life and never call again." My sister respected the mothers wishes but was heartbroken. Now 16 years later THE MOTHER contacted our uncle to see *what's up* and what happened to this side of the family.
My sister and I have been in phone contact with the mother and through clues we've picked up we've successfully located our half sister!
Our dilemma: The mother STILL does not want her daughter to know.
Our half sister knows NOTHING. She thinks that her adopted father who passed away was her bio father. She has no idea that her bio father lives 1 hour away and that she has 3 half siblings.
We want to respect the mom, but also want to get to know our sister. I also feel strongly that our sister has a right to know, especially at the age of 50!
Anyone been there done that? Suggestions would truly be helpful.
How are things going? Have you met with your sister yet?
I'd pick up the phone and call her and say, Hello my name is and I have a very interesting story I'd like to tell you.
No e-mail.....yet....
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