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Does your fiancee want a nice wedding? Usually women are the ones who want the fairy tale experience, men usually could care less. When my sister got married a few years ago, I remember her fiancee really stayed out of the entire process and everything was decided between my sister, my mother, and the mother of the groom. My sister had 300 people at her wedding, rented out an entire ballroom/villas/casitas, had a huge meal, live wedding band, etc. It was quite the wedding, one of the nicest I've ever been to. In the end, our father wrote a check for something like $80K for the entire event. I guess it's his only daughter so he got off easy enough only paying for one big wedding.
Ding! Ding! Ding! You hit the nail on the head. Weddings cost what they do because people (usually women) are looking for a fairy tale experience. I just cannot fathom spending $80k for an event that lasts less than 8 hours, so that someone can pretned that they are someone that they're not, only to wake up the next day and be the same person they were the day before. Hard to justify that in my book... but that's just me.
I just set up a new account in my ING savings account for Wedding funds and I'm setting a goal of about $3,000. I told my sister about this and she laughed at me. She said who would marry a guy who only wants to spend 3k on a wedding? The crazy thing is she's pretty frugal so that really shook my boots a bit. Should I be saving more? I honestly would be happy with a wedding in a park and then dinner at an expensive restaurant. Why do people feel the need to rent a ballroom at a hotel and have expensive flowers and dresses and live band and all that other stuff? I don't want to go into debt right away in our marriage and then fight over paying it off in the next couple years. Does anybody else get where I'm coming from?
We spent somewhere between $1000-1200 and had about 150 guests. The major expenses were the dress ($180), the tuxedos ($100), the cake ($125), and the like. Punch, cake, mints, and nuts in the church hall after the ceremony.
My dream is the smallest wedding possible. It's a lifetime commitment between two people, with its inherent compromises, and nothing cheapens that moment to me more than having it become a spectacle as opposed to an intimate ceremony.
It's more than the bride -- it's the families. Weddings are often social "paybacks", instead of two people getting married. So the guest list swells. And often things are done to prove things...
My dad died two years before I got married (six months before I got engaged), and my mother wanted to prove to everyone that she survived his loss and she was just fine -- by making me have a huge wedding with a big wedding gown and all the trimmings....
I "fell in love" with a wedding gown (wasn't hard -- it was beautiful..) that was so over the top cost wise, she caved to our wishes and we had a simple weird wedding in our backyard. Instead of dancing and music, we had water balloon fights and sack races, we hired a caterer to do handmade sandwiches and salads, and I made our wedding cakes. Four regular cakes to cut into about 50 pieces.
It was WAY better our way. And yes -- we're still married. But I hate to tell you -- my wedding ran 3K in 1983.... I do think your budget is low. I think you shouldn't set a limit and then shop around -- I think you should shop around to see prices of things and then set your limit.
Here's the biggest thing -- you have to make sure you pick the right girl for this. One who can stand up to the pressure of the family who cries "But I've always wanted to have ..."
A wedding requires five or six things. A bride, a groom, an officiant, a license and one or two witnesses. Everything else is window dressing. Yes -- some people expect and require certain things (and weddings are often hot buttons, so I expect this thread will eventually get locked down due to massive arguments), but none of those things are "required".
What's most important is you decide what has meaning to you and what doesn't. You can be very creative and set a requirement that all the attendants clothing has to be purchased at thrift stores and can be repurposed. Set a price limit.
Ideas are limitless....
Actually I'm starting to think the tide is turning. There seems to be such a big trend of making a huge deal out of popping the question, I'm wondering if the people doing the popping are starting to take marriage more seriously than our generation, many of whom seemed to bed them, wed them and dump them -- and on to the next.
First, the most important thing is that you and your partner are on the same page with regards to what kind of wedding you want. That includes having a budget and sticking to it.
Second, the most important factor in determining the cost of a wedding is the number of guests. So that has to be set on very early.
I was at a wedding once with more than 1000 guests. (The bride was the daughter of a prominent New York rabbi.). It would have bee difficult to do that cheaply.
My MIL was upset for years because I didn't want to get married in her carport...with all the ducks and chooks wandering around.
LOL.
We had a nice, fun, small wedding and it still cost thousands.
The divorce cost more.
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