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A cousin of mine and his wife got married and the wife's parents paid $10,000 for a beach front wedding. A year later my cousin gets laid off his job of 9 years and she leaves him the very next week. What a *****.
I just set up a new account in my ING savings account for Wedding funds and I'm setting a goal of about $3,000. I told my sister about this and she laughed at me. She said who would marry a guy who only wants to spend 3k on a wedding? The crazy thing is she's pretty frugal so that really shook my boots a bit. Should I be saving more? I honestly would be happy with a wedding in a park and then dinner at an expensive restaurant. Why do people feel the need to rent a ballroom at a hotel and have expensive flowers and dresses and live band and all that other stuff? I don't want to go into debt right away in our marriage and then fight over paying it off in the next couple years. Does anybody else get where I'm coming from?
My wife married me, and our wedding cost less then 3k. She was actually the one cutting more corners then I even would. We didnt spend a penny of "debt" and got a lot of help even with the 3k. I think, together, my wife and I probably put out of our own pockets around half of it, maybe $1500.
I fully agree with you. We just attended the wedding of one of my wifes good childhood friends, and I looked around, and I thought "this must have cost 50k". They had a whole country club rented out, open bar, two DJs (one was multilingual) who had all of the high tech gear.....and from what I understand, neither of their parents were rich.
So Im thinking, wow, they already started off life 50k down.
Sometimes my wife regrets having a very low end dress, which actually is more of a prom dress. Some times we regret not putting out the couple hundred more for a more "luxurious" hotel sweet on the honey moon. Sometimes we regret having such a small and low end venue.
What we dont regret? Not having any debt, and not having to worry about coming up with payments on that when lovely life events come up, like being unemployed.
My thoughts about gold digging women are well publicized, but I say, if a woman isnt on the same financial page as you, and demands a ring or wedding beyond what you think it is reasonable, I say, cut that one off and move on.
I just set up a new account in my ING savings account for Wedding funds and I'm setting a goal of about $3,000. I told my sister about this and she laughed at me. She said who would marry a guy who only wants to spend 3k on a wedding? The crazy thing is she's pretty frugal so that really shook my boots a bit. Should I be saving more? I honestly would be happy with a wedding in a park and then dinner at an expensive restaurant. Why do people feel the need to rent a ballroom at a hotel and have expensive flowers and dresses and live band and all that other stuff? I don't want to go into debt right away in our marriage and then fight over paying it off in the next couple years. Does anybody else get where I'm coming from?
It depends on your expectations. If you elope to Vegas, you can do it for the cost of transportation and the walk-in chapel ceremony.
But many people find great value in having both sets of family and close friends there on that day. If you fall into the latter category, then do the math: if you had 75 people there combined at $75 a head (this is probably not too high; you usually want to feed them something better than Taco Bell chalupas), you're talking $5,625 right there. And then there's the ring, the clothes, some flowers, a photographer, some music... Good luck getting that to work with $3K anywhere in the USA.
That said, obviously don't go into debt or destroy all your liquid assets for the sake of a wedding. If you have to scale back, then it is what it is.
We spent quite a lot on our wedding, but we were in a position to comfortably do so. It was a great day, and we're still happy two years later.
Well even for a budget wedding, $3000 is very low. Not saying you need a huge event but even small costs such as paying for the meals of the wedding party, having the dresses/tux rentals, and even the cost of flowers and gifts...you should at least budget around $10,000. Weddings are not cheap, divorces are even more expensive though.
I disagree with this. Weddings can be much cheaper if you are willing to do alot yourself, and leverage any connection you have.
My wife and I, all for under 3k
- Had a venue, we rented out a local Knights of Columbus Hall, it was smallish, but we got about 50 people in there, with room for catoring, a DJ and a dance floor. We got it for 12 hours. It also came with chairs and tables
- Had a DJ, who worked with his wife, who acted as the MC. They both were top notch, and the cheapest on the market we could find.
- Rented nice table cloths and chair covers, which we set up ourselves
- Had a wedding cake, which was crafted by my mother (not everyone has this, but the cost can be less then $200)
- Had catering, buffet style, of 4 different dishes. The caterer was the husband of a friend of my wives, and gave us a pretty good deal. He also brought a server who cut and served the cake at no extra cost
- We got a liquor license from ABC, and brought our own assortment of boos. My wifes dad and cousins took turns "tending bar". Only reason we had boos at all was because her dad brought it and offered to be the bar tender, or we would have just cut that cost altogether.
- Only had one groomsman and one bridesmaid. Rented my tux, my best man took care of his as a wedding gift, and we bought the dress of the maid of honor and my wifes wedding gown. Both of those dresses came to less then $200. Our flower girl we bummed from an out of town friend, and she didnt wear anything special.
- We went to a local craft outlet, and my inlaws got about $100 worth of materials, and my mother in law and wife built our centerpieces themselves. We also got all the other random stuff, like guest book, toast glasses, cake cutting knives, etc.
Also, just a comment on "divorces are more expensive", I have experience with that as well. If you dont have a damn thing to your name, and you have the where with all to write your own separation agreement, you can get a lawyer to file an uncontested divorce for less than $300. That was a whole lot less expensive than my first wedding, which costs my parents and my ex-mother in law somewhere around 4k combined.
I just set up a new account in my ING savings account for Wedding funds and I'm setting a goal of about $3,000. I told my sister about this and she laughed at me. She said who would marry a guy who only wants to spend 3k on a wedding? The crazy thing is she's pretty frugal so that really shook my boots a bit. Should I be saving more? I honestly would be happy with a wedding in a park and then dinner at an expensive restaurant. Why do people feel the need to rent a ballroom at a hotel and have expensive flowers and dresses and live band and all that other stuff? I don't want to go into debt right away in our marriage and then fight over paying it off in the next couple years. Does anybody else get where I'm coming from?
Yes. My husband and I spent exactly $3000 for our entire wedding which consisting of us flying to Hawaii, for 7 days, having the ceremony barefoot on the beach, just the two of us and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I can't really understand spending tens of thousands on one gathering when that money can be used in other ways. Just isn't me. And so many of those big wedding couples end up in divorce court not but a few years later.
For our 10th anniversary, we may have a larger celebration but we have bigger fish to fry right now.
Clearly from the context of the rest of my statement, its obvious its an assumption. I did not walk up to the groom or bride and say "Damn, I know this costs a fortune, how long are you going to be paying it off?".
I do know that wedding had to have costs around 50k. Just the bar tab was probably 5-6k by itself.
It is honestly shocking to most men how much things cost and how easy it is for a "small" guest list to climb to 50, 100, etc and only comprise of family, a few close friends, and other vip's in your life. I think you will also find yourself and your bride will have "non-negotiables" like she may really place a priority on having a professional photographer, a particular cake, efc.
I certainly was. We cut a lot of corners, bought our own alcohol (just a soft bar), found a very reasonable photographer, had a buffet style barbeque dinner that included appetizers and a cheesecake desert (Wedding cakes look silly to me and never task good IMO), affordable dj, no extra decorations, or extravagant add ons, and it we didn't keep to my original thought of $10k. We split that three ways between us and our two families, so there was no debt from the event. But once you start adding up the guests, especially if there is a large family, the cost of guest x food/drink goes up fast for even a modest experience. There are a lot of family expectations that come into play also in regards to the event, who is coming, etc. Sure you could just blow them off since this is your day, but it's not a very accommodating stance to start out on.
I started out from the viewpoint that all of it was a waste of money and I would rather use it for other things. But since my family and her family both paid for portions of the event that portion wasn't really my money to decide to use for something other than a wedding. If anything the families wanted to spend more, but any more would have made me uncomfortable.
Clearly from the context of the rest of my statement, its obvious its an assumption. I did not walk up to the groom or bride and say "Damn, I know this costs a fortune, how long are you going to be paying it off?".
So they may NOT have gone into debt at all!
Many people DO save for the wedding of their dreams. I have a friend who worked and saved to have the wedding she wanted... $40K, NO debt. She has no regrets!
Also, the cash gifts can offset plenty of the cost.
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