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The next 'field trip' will be to NYC to perform at Carnegie Hall. How can I say "Sorry, we don't have the cash" to something like that?
Out of curiosity, I just looked up Carnegie Hall and found that anyone can rent the hall.
I wouldn't get very excited to pay big money to send a kid to Carnegie Hall if the hall had just been rented rather than an invitation extended by Carnegie Hall itself.
This is probably more a philosophical question than anything else.
I'm a single mom with two teens. I have a decent hourly income and have chosen not to pursue higher paying salaried jobs so that I can be available to my kids and elderly parents. (this is temporary...I plan to step up my career when the youngest goes to college in 4 years) I also receive child support. I have a very modest home with a fair chunk of equity, a 9 year old car, low utilities (mostly due to small house). My health ins. is now $50 per month (thank you ACA!). I rarely carry a balance on the credit card. I have retirement savings (not enough!) and contribute monthly to retirement. I have a small home equity loan...about $1500 and I pay roughly $100 per month on that. I do not have any emergency fund...the plan is to pay off the equity line and then contribute that $100 per month to a money market. I owe my Mom $2000 interest free. So I'll start paying that off once the emergency fund is stocked.
For a while, this was plenty, but now that my kids are getting older, I'm finding that I'm less and less likely to end the month with any money in the bank. We don't have money for vacations (the kids vacation with their dad...I do day trips sometimes). My electronics are old and raggedy, as is my furniture. I do a lot of do-it-myself instead of hiring things done. We buy our clothes mostly at Thrift stores (and have a pretty good time while doing it)
I don't pine to live the high life, I'm pretty comfortable with my standard of living. But I spend a LOT of time thinking about how to cover the next car repair, how to pay for the kid's next big field trip. It stirs in my brain a LOT. I bought a brand new blouse ($20) for a special event with my boyfriend and still feel guilty about it a month later.
Is this what you would call a 'struggle'? Or is this anxiety I feel about money just a perception based on my desire to have a bit more freedom to buy a better TV or spend two nights at the beach once in a while? Am I in financial trouble?
When I was in high school band there were a few families that couldn't afford the trips: Hawaii, Colorado, Florida...
They literally worked band booster fundraisers from when the trip was announced in April/May to the day we left (March/April). I think it worked out for everyone. Mom and dad didn't have to compromise on missing the kids' events... although sometimes they missed the actual performance because they were selling tickets or concession products. Nobody went broke financially... and you shouldn't have to either... I really think your girls need to press their dad, especially the one who is working for him. It sounds like he might possibly be able to give more than you without as much sacrifice.
Otherwise it seems like you are doing all that you can (or willing to do) and you might just settle for the discomfort of financial precariousness. In the end, it doesn't matter I suppose, something can happen to those of us who are most prepared as much as it could happen to those of us with the least.
I wouldn't ask my ex for extra money for "normal" school events, but I sure as heck would ask for money for things like a trip to Scotland. That's great that your daughter is paying 1/3 - I hope her father is also paying 1/3.
You are putting your health and future in precarious position because you can't say no to your kids. I understand we all hate to do it but these expenses are not in line with your income. They should know how tight it is and how you simply cannot pay for these expensive trips.
I would delay paying back MOM until you get your emergency fund established. And you are right to avoid cc debt. A big mistake you seem to have avoided so far. But you need to maximize your income however you can. Are your siblings in a position to help with mom and Dad when necessary. Or is it because you don't have a "career" that everybody expects you to drop everything to help out.
You are what most of us think of when we hear "Many families are only one emergency from poverty". that could be your car needing major repairs, serious health issues, major house repair. To me you are struggling because you have no ready cash to call on immediately.
Yes, this is part of the strategy...Mom has no immediate need to be paid back. In fact, once in a while she will give a gift to my brothers and I which will mean writing a check to two of us and forgiving the loan to the third. We are sort of 'all hands on deck' with Mom and Dad right now...but Dad is moving to an Alz. care community next week which will give Mom some freedom. No more traveling to their house to help keep Dad from running amok. Mom should be able to come visit me more often now.
I have been tracking my expenses for years but never set a budget limit for a particular category each month. I think it is time to do that for clothing because that is our greatest area of un-control.
IMO, some people take their ‘no credit card debt’ – or ‘no debt’ mantra a little too far….
I definitely think it’s worth being tight financially – for trips that could be ‘once in a lifetime.’
The experiences your children will have will pay off immensely.
Just keep your short-, mid-, and long-term goals in mind (which you’re already doing) ….manage the best you can….and with your luck holding out a little longer, you’ll soon have some breathing room.
Good luck
I was also going to say I second the idea of ‘fundraising” to earn/make extra money for the trips…with the kids and you – selling candy or candles or whatever. How about a bake sale?
And that is a great idea if you only need 50 bucks…and have months to save.
But if you need a couple of thousand and only have a couple of months’ notice -- you likely won’t save T HAT much making a few dollars here and there on candy, candles and wrapping paper. Better to just work overtime where you already work (if you can) And of course get dad to pony up some more. They’re his kids too doesn’t he want them to have these kinds of experiences, too?
In the end, it doesn't matter I suppose, something can happen to those of us who are most prepared as much as it could happen to those of us with the least.
I strongly disagree with this. The most prepared people DO MUCH BETTER THAN THE UNPREPARED. When you need to spend $500 on car repairs, it may be a drag, but if you have $2K in the bank to cover it, it's not the end of the world. Compare that to someone who needs to spend $500 on car repairs but who has nothing in the bank. Then the repair bill ends up on the credit card. It starts off a vicious cycle/downward spiral/double whammy (whatever you want to call it) that is MUCH harder to bounce back from if you're unprepared.
Sure, there are no guarantees, but there are odds. The odds are much more strongly in your favor if you have a safety net and you have some margin for error in your budget.
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