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How much is the cable bill? Internet? Cell phone plan? How much do they spend eating out?
Many relevant parts haven't even been mentioned. I've had lots of people tell me how they've cut expenses down to the bone only to find out that they have a $500 smartphone with a $150 monthly data plan. So I'm not going to tell someone that he or she is doing as well as can be expected unless every expense is laid out there
There's nothing wrong with spending $700 on clothes on three people in four months, generally speaking. But it the person who does it doesn't have $700 set aside for an emergency car or home repair it represents a major issue.
Look, OP has made a conscious decision to forego a higher salary in order to be available to her daughters and aging parents. It's an admirable choice as long as she accepts to consequences and understands that there isn't going to be money for any more than the bare essentials as long as she makes this choice.
Looks like we spent about $700 on clothes in the past 4 months (for the 3 of us) which works out to $58 per person per month.
That included a dress for the Winter Formal ($45 at a consignment store) and a dress for the prom ($65 at a consignment store). (If you had seen the crap they were selling at the mall for $200 compared to those thrift store dresses you would think I'm a genius because she looked and felt AWESOME!) So oldest spent more on clothing, and youngest spent more on shoes (she is still growing, darn it, and cannot wear her sister's hand-me-downs because she is taller, skinnier and has bigger feet!)
Unfortunately, this is the kind of thing that trips me up. We go shopping for a few clothing items, find some other things on rock-bottom-sale. (I mean, something that we will need next month, not just something that we want) Do I go ahead and buy them now? Or draw the line because we have exceeded our $58 limit for the month?
How about letting the kids being responsible for their clothing and learn budgeting at the same time?
My example:
When I started high school, my parents gave me an envelope with $20 in it and a small entry book. They said I was responsible for any clothing - from underwear to outerwear and shoes. I had to write down all purchases and keep the receipts. That was a LOT of money to a 13 year old, back in the dark ages!!
At the end of the month, I handed them the book, envelope, and the receipts. If it balanced - $4.50 of money and $15.50 in receipts - I got another $20.
If it didn't balance (because a receipt was missing or if I bought something that wasn't clothing for instance), the amount was deducted from my new $20. It was a hard lesson to learn, oh how I whined "I needed that Slurpy!"
I also learned (quickly, LOL) to save up for things that cost more than $20. If I asked for my clothing money on the 25th, the answer was always no - I had to wait until the 1st
This is probably more a philosophical question than anything else.
I'm a single mom with two teens. I have a decent hourly income and have chosen not to pursue higher paying salaried jobs so that I can be available to my kids and elderly parents. (this is temporary...I plan to step up my career when the youngest goes to college in 4 years) I also receive child support. I have a very modest home with a fair chunk of equity, a 9 year old car, low utilities (mostly due to small house). My health ins. is now $50 per month (thank you ACA!). I rarely carry a balance on the credit card. I have retirement savings (not enough!) and contribute monthly to retirement. I have a small home equity loan...about $1500 and I pay roughly $100 per month on that. I do not have any emergency fund...the plan is to pay off the equity line and then contribute that $100 per month to a money market. I owe my Mom $2000 interest free. So I'll start paying that off once the emergency fund is stocked.
For a while, this was plenty, but now that my kids are getting older, I'm finding that I'm less and less likely to end the month with any money in the bank. We don't have money for vacations (the kids vacation with their dad...I do day trips sometimes). My electronics are old and raggedy, as is my furniture. I do a lot of do-it-myself instead of hiring things done. We buy our clothes mostly at Thrift stores (and have a pretty good time while doing it)
I don't pine to live the high life, I'm pretty comfortable with my standard of living. But I spend a LOT of time thinking about how to cover the next car repair, how to pay for the kid's next big field trip. It stirs in my brain a LOT. I bought a brand new blouse ($20) for a special event with my boyfriend and still feel guilty about it a month later.
Is this what you would call a 'struggle'? Or is this anxiety I feel about money just a perception based on my desire to have a bit more freedom to buy a better TV or spend two nights at the beach once in a while? Am I in financial trouble?
to me it sounds like you just care about your personal finances. doesn't sound like you're struggling. if you had slightly higher wages, you'd probably be able to do those things you desire to have the freedom to do. but it sounds like obtaining higher wages now would come at a cost of family time.
Part of my challenge is my upbringing...my parents were adamant that smart people do not carry a balance on their credit cards, so I have clung to that for a long time. Heck, neither of my brothers balk at the concept, so I don't know why I'm so married to it. But it still seems to make sense: If you can't afford to pay cash for it, you probably don't need it that badly.
i'd stick to your concept of not carrying a balance. unless you're in a very sticky situation, that's an expensive loan. i cringe if i ever have even a few dollars of interest on my credit card bill.
I was feeling bad re: that emergency fund, then I realize, I HAD one! Last year when I left my 40K per year job I had plenty of money in the bank and was on track to pay off my loans by Christmas.
Then I had
$800 in unexpected car repairs
$3000 wisdom teeth removal (which ex was supposed to pay 70% of and refused to
and a few other things I can't remember now but thought of earlier
AND my exhusband decided that he was going to pay less in child support for 4-5 months for which I had to threaten court action. and although he is now paying the full amount, he never did pay me back. We are planning to meet with a mediator to review our child support agreement.
And, dang it, just last week Blue Cross 'accidentally' took $300 out of my bank account as payment for a health insurance policy I cancelled weeks before the day it was supposed to start. They said it would take a few weeks to get a check out to me.
I wouldn't say "struggling." Aside from not having an emergency fund, you sound like you are smart with the money you have.
Schools will sometimes subsidize field trips for families who can't afford it. You should find out if you qualify.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lowexpectations
You can't say "I'm smart with my money, but I don't have an emergency fund."
That's why I included that one caveat in my post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by duster1979
How much is the cable bill? Internet? Cell phone plan? How much do they spend eating out?
Many relevant parts haven't even been mentioned. I've had lots of people tell me how they've cut expenses down to the bone only to find out that they have a $500 smartphone with a $150 monthly data plan. So I'm not going to tell someone that he or she is doing as well as can be expected unless every expense is laid out there
Relevant to the post I was responding to, not relevant to the situation.
Apparently people who are good with money have trouble with reading comprehension, or I wasn't clear.
A poster questioned my post, so I quoted and bolded the parts that indicated to me that the OP is smart with her limited funds.
I am sort of assuming the kids get gifts for birthdays/holidays etc from Dad and Grandma. I think I would tell the kids you have no money for 'extras' like their trips and tell them to ask for the trips as gifts. Instead of gifts they get the money. If the kids don't want to do this then they really didn't want to go that much. The money they make working for their Father needs to go towards the trips or their college fund. And they can start babysitting or mowing yards, shoveling snow, etc.
Kids need to understand economic realities and learn there isn't an endless supply of money. Have a family meeting and present Economics 101. Explain there is a budget and you have no choice but to stick to it. You work hard and you make what you make. Making less than your Ex is nothing to be ashamed of. Sounds like you have sacrificed a lot to allow the kids to live above their means. Not many single Moms can afford to send their kids on trips to Scotland and NYC.
Now is the time to take that other job and make more money. Don't keep on waiting. Those opportunities may be gone 4 or 5 years from now. Your Mom will be at lose ends after your Dad moves. She can most likely help some in the kid department. And don't be surprised if your kids step up to the plate and become much more responsible and aware. They may even start contributing a bit.
^ Agreed with this. I know it's tempting to give your kids the best, but not at the welfare of your financial freedom. Kids also need to be realistic with their parent's situations. Sit them down and explain your situation and how there needs to be a balance. Tell them that "Mom cannot afford this..." Give them a little allowance to do with what they please since you cannot "help" the kids later in life if you cannot help yourself first.
Imagine once the kids are all out of school and you're left with a high debt because you couldn't say "no" to them. Then, it would be MUCH worst since now you might be a burden to them, which is not what you want for your kids. It's a lot better saying "no" to them now and get your finances in order rather than them having to "repay/take care of" you later in their life at their expense.
I felt like I was in a similar situation a few years ago. Since my finances are not very complicated, I created a Mint.com account back in 2011 and have used it ever since. I have found that the practice of logging all of my expenses and watching them over time helped motivate me to adjust my spending habits. I was already living within my means, but this helped me cut back in some of my "want" areas. Sort of like when people start logging what they eat every day, it helps them begin to make positive changes to their diet.
Is there any way your kid could get some kind of a scholarship for the performing trips? I don't see why your ex isn't helping to pay for the performing trips also. Also, with a 9 year old car, are you at the point where you are putting out more in gas and repairs due to it's age than buying a new car with a really low interest rate and great mileage? Add it up for a period of about 6 months and decide.
You are definitely on the edge.
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