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This is probably more a philosophical question than anything else.
I'm a single mom with two teens. I have a decent hourly income and have chosen not to pursue higher paying salaried jobs so that I can be available to my kids and elderly parents. (this is temporary...I plan to step up my career when the youngest goes to college in 4 years) I also receive child support. I have a very modest home with a fair chunk of equity, a 9 year old car, low utilities (mostly due to small house). My health ins. is now $50 per month (thank you ACA!). I rarely carry a balance on the credit card. I have retirement savings (not enough!) and contribute monthly to retirement. I have a small home equity loan...about $1500 and I pay roughly $100 per month on that. I do not have any emergency fund...the plan is to pay off the equity line and then contribute that $100 per month to a money market. I owe my Mom $2000 interest free. So I'll start paying that off once the emergency fund is stocked.
For a while, this was plenty, but now that my kids are getting older, I'm finding that I'm less and less likely to end the month with any money in the bank. We don't have money for vacations (the kids vacation with their dad...I do day trips sometimes). My electronics are old and raggedy, as is my furniture. I do a lot of do-it-myself instead of hiring things done. We buy our clothes mostly at Thrift stores (and have a pretty good time while doing it)
I don't pine to live the high life, I'm pretty comfortable with my standard of living. But I spend a LOT of time thinking about how to cover the next car repair, how to pay for the kid's next big field trip. It stirs in my brain a LOT. I bought a brand new blouse ($20) for a special event with my boyfriend and still feel guilty about it a month later.
Is this what you would call a 'struggle'? Or is this anxiety I feel about money just a perception based on my desire to have a bit more freedom to buy a better TV or spend two nights at the beach once in a while? Am I in financial trouble?
Location: Chapel Hill, NC, formerly NoVA and Phila
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I wouldn't say you are struggling. You have a job, equity in your home, low cost of living, and relatively low debt. But...you are in a precarious position - one big emergency and it sounds like you will be up the river without a paddle. You are so close to getting over that hump - once your equity loan and mother are paid off and you have an emergency fund saved. But until that point, I can understand the anxiety you have. What if the transmission goes on your car? Where will you get $800 - $1000 to replace it? What if your car is totaled and you need to buy a new car? What if your furnace breaks down? And if you worry about paying for a field trip, which I assume is not more than $20 then it really sounds like you are using up every penny of your paycheck.
Do you really want to live like this for 4 more years until your youngest goes off to college? I think you need to increase your income in the meantime to get the home equity loan and mom paid off and build up your emergency fund. If you cannot step up your career now, is there a way to increase your hours or work a small second job a couple nights a week or on weekends? Or try to think of things you can do from home. I make a small income selling things on eBay. Go through your house and sell on Craigslist things you don't use any more or have a yard sale. You should be able to knock out those debts. Once your income exceeds your expenses and you can start saving that emergency fund, you will feel so much better. And then once your emergency fund (at least 6 months expenses) is saved, you will have extra income to save for car maintenance, home repairs, etc and hopefully set aside a couple hundred dollars for a weekend away or some new clothes as well. Good luck!
Write out a budget, Dave Ramsey has a detailed 4 page budget you should do it every month. Make a plan, do it every moth, build savings and your anxiety will fade
It sounds like you have made some conscious decisions to be available for your kids, instead of stepping-up your career. That's admirable and places a higher value on family than 'stuff.' But, it also sounds like you are feeling pretty 'strapped' and thinking that you may need to start shifting your priorities a little. That doesn't mean you are abandoning your kids! The reality is that at their ages, their need or desire for your constant presence is probably greatly diminished.
The question of whether you are "struggling" or not, is probably more determined by your attitude than your actual financial condition. If you are feeling like you are 'struggling', then you probably are; If you feel like your choice to spend more time with the kids is a good one, you may not have as much money and stuff as others, but, you will likely feel justified in your decision, rather than like you are 'struggling.' Look to your own life, not the lives of others.
Be careful with settling for lesser career 'advancement' for too long. You may find that 'stepping-up your career' is no longer as easy as simply flipping a switch. It's probably time to honestly start feeling-out your real options, rather than waiting another 4-years.
I agree with the above. You're "okay" right now, as long as all the variables remain constant. If your ex is in a better position than you, could he possibly chip in a bit more? Help with those field trips? Could either of your kids get a part-time job, just to help with their personal finances? Also, how important will it be to pay back your mom? We were given "loans" in the past, but I don't think my FIL really expected us to pay him back. He would never need the money though, and I dont' know about your mom.. maybe she really will need the money back some day. The other thing is to look at what is going on in your home and see if you can realistically cut anything else... eat less meat? (we do that).. do you have a Buy Nothing Project (on facebook) in your community (I've saved money asking for the stuff I need for free.... coffee filters, gifts, clothing, etc).
Finally, yes, maybe you do want to reconsider the plan to move ahead in your career earlier than first anticipated. But I'm not one to judge that... I had intended to "do something" after the first 5 years of my kids' lives and it's been over 10 now!
Okay, thank you for not telling me I am frekin' crazy to feel like my choices are constantly being questioned by the universe!
The last 'field trip' was not $20, it was $470, and no, ex husband will not chip in. He feels he pays me x per month and if the girls expenses exceed that, it is my problem. The next 'field trip' will be to NYC to perform at Carnegie Hall. How can I say "Sorry, we don't have the cash" to something like that? Right now we are making payments on a trip for her to perform at the Fringe Festival in Scotland next year. She has agreed to pay one third, and she will get college credit. Again, I couldn't say no. But I"m happy that she agreed to pay the third, because now we've set a precedent and she can pay one third of the NYC trip also. she has a good job (Works for her father)
As for the career...last time I worked full time it was an incredibly stressful job and while I was doing that, my youngest had some emotional problems I would not care to revisit. (heck, I did too, it was that bad) My parents are also in a very precarious position right now. My dad is moving to assisted living next WEEK and my mom is not mentally healthy. I need to be available for them. In the past when I worked full time i used every scrap of sick/vacation/annual leave and was always having to take unpaid leave to deal with family business. I don't feel that is fair to my employer. There is a promotion coming up I was on the list for, but I declined it for these reasons. I am in a secure well managed work environment and have no doubt that during the next round of promotions (maybe 2 years?) I will be a top candidate. Bright spot: I just transferred locations so now i can walk/bike/take free public transportation to work instead of driving 14 miles round trip.
Part of my challenge is my upbringing...my parents were adamant that smart people do not carry a balance on their credit cards, so I have clung to that for a long time. Heck, neither of my brothers balk at the concept, so I don't know why I'm so married to it. But it still seems to make sense: If you can't afford to pay cash for it, you probably don't need it that badly.
"I'm sorry I simply do not have the money for you to go on that field trip"
You should come to terms with your financial situation and that means including your kids. If you don't have the cash for a trip you don't get to go especially since you are already making payments on another trip. Make a budget, spend only what you make and include your kids. They should know exactly where you are at and learn to live financially responsibly within the limits of what you have
Part of my challenge is my upbringing...my parents were adamant that smart people do not carry a balance on their credit cards, so I have clung to that for a long time. Heck, neither of my brothers balk at the concept, so I don't know why I'm so married to it. But it still seems to make sense: If you can't afford to pay cash for it, you probably don't need it that badly.
Your parents were right about the credit card thing. If you don't have the money now, you're not going to magically have it later, either, assuming your income/expenses are the same. The only thing credit cards would do for you would be to enable you to live in denial....for a while, but it always comes back to bite you in the butt in the end. Better to grapple with your spending/work/earning issues squarely. It just gets worse down the line if you don't.
You are putting your health and future in precarious position because you can't say no to your kids. I understand we all hate to do it but these expenses are not in line with your income. They should know how tight it is and how you simply cannot pay for these expensive trips.
I would delay paying back MOM until you get your emergency fund established. And you are right to avoid cc debt. A big mistake you seem to have avoided so far. But you need to maximize your income however you can. Are your siblings in a position to help with mom and Dad when necessary. Or is it because you don't have a "career" that everybody expects you to drop everything to help out.
You are what most of us think of when we hear "Many families are only one emergency from poverty". that could be your car needing major repairs, serious health issues, major house repair. To me you are struggling because you have no ready cash to call on immediately.
This is probably more a philosophical question than anything else.
I'm a single mom with two teens. I have a decent hourly income and have chosen not to pursue higher paying salaried jobs so that I can be available to my kids and elderly parents. (this is temporary...I plan to step up my career when the youngest goes to college in 4 years) I also receive child support. I have a very modest home with a fair chunk of equity, a 9 year old car, low utilities (mostly due to small house). My health ins. is now $50 per month (thank you ACA!). I rarely carry a balance on the credit card. I have retirement savings (not enough!) and contribute monthly to retirement. I have a small home equity loan...about $1500 and I pay roughly $100 per month on that. I do not have any emergency fund...the plan is to pay off the equity line and then contribute that $100 per month to a money market. I owe my Mom $2000 interest free. So I'll start paying that off once the emergency fund is stocked.
For a while, this was plenty, but now that my kids are getting older, I'm finding that I'm less and less likely to end the month with any money in the bank. We don't have money for vacations (the kids vacation with their dad...I do day trips sometimes). My electronics are old and raggedy, as is my furniture. I do a lot of do-it-myself instead of hiring things done. We buy our clothes mostly at Thrift stores (and have a pretty good time while doing it)
I don't pine to live the high life, I'm pretty comfortable with my standard of living. But I spend a LOT of time thinking about how to cover the next car repair, how to pay for the kid's next big field trip. It stirs in my brain a LOT. I bought a brand new blouse ($20) for a special event with my boyfriend and still feel guilty about it a month later.
Is this what you would call a 'struggle'? Or is this anxiety I feel about money just a perception based on my desire to have a bit more freedom to buy a better TV or spend two nights at the beach once in a while? Am I in financial trouble?
Covering car repairs and replacement ? Just live as though gas cost double what it does, and save the difference. By the time you've driven enough miles to need it, the money will be there.
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