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We've had 1 or 2 dogs over the past 15 years. We got a springer spaniel as a puppy and had to put him down last summer. Adopted a cocker spaniel about 12 years ago, and put him down about 10 days ago.
To be honest, I'm not the biggest pet person, and am really looking forward to a break. My wife works from home and is a huge pet person, and says she needs to have a pet and wants to get something now. I understand her attachment and enjoyment of a pet, but I really thought we had agreed on a larger break (potentially 1-3 years).
I understand / assumed it would take her some time to adjust to not having a dog around, but also thought it might get easier with time. She doesn't seem to be willing to wait very long.
She actually agrees with taking a break from having a dog, but now says we should get a cat. We would adopt one, and would try to get a playful, cuddly variety. We have never owned a cat, but I agree they certainly are easier to take care of than a dog.
I'm looking for your thoughts on:
- how long of a break between pets?
- is it unreasonable for me to think she should not rush into another pet?
- tips for me on trying to take a longer non-pet break while respecting her desire for a pet?
- thoughts on a cat as an easier pet replacement
As far as how long of a break in between pets? There is no standard timing for how long to wait before getting another pet after you lose the previous pet. Some people get another pet right away to help them work through the grief while others need time before getting another animal. After I had to have Ozzy (22 year old cat) euthanized due to an aggressive jaw cancer, I didn't want to get another pet. The day after I lost Ozzy, a stray kitten showed up on my doorstep crying and matted with mud. So of course I ended up with another pet almost immediately and it was odd because the kitten was a tabby like Ozzy had been
It's not unreasonable for you to feel that she shouldn't rush into another pet but she might be ready. Only she knows how she feels about this. I would say that you can talk with her about your reservations on getting a pet so soon and see if she will wait on it.
I've had cats in the past and currently. I've had dogs & everything else, lol. Cats are much lower maintenance than dogs and even if your wife doesn't want to wait, you will hardly notice the cat. You don't need to walk the cat, they come pre-housebroken, they bathe themselves, and the most noise they make are meows, trills, and other relatively quiet noises. We have two and they keep each other amused. It is also easy if you want to go on vacation; just have someone come by to make sure the food dish and water dish are full and scoop the litter box. The cat won't go insane when you leave the house. Just make sure that you invest in a scratching post and spay/neuter to avoid the cat from unwanted spraying behavior around the house. I'm sure that your wife will give the cat attention.
At first, it seemed you ended up doing most of the dog chores, feeding, walks, cleaning up, but your wife works from home. 1-3 years seems like an awfully long time, but maybe that's just me. I've had several dogs for as long as I can remember and if one goes, another usually pops up to replace.
Your wife is obviously loves animals and likes having them around more than you do. That makes it difficult, although a cat might be a good compromise. They are independent and don't need walks, although cleaning litter boxes is not fun. Cats are quiet and she might keep the cat in her office during working hours. I've worked at home and barking dogs were always something to worry about, when talking on the phone.
My spouse grew up with cats and when we got married, my dog came too. They totally fell for each other, and although we also had cats, eventually my spouse objected to getting more because of jumping on the counters while dinner was being prepared. He much prefers dogs. Other than these two negatives, I can't think of anything else that's bad about cats. Oh, and a scratching post is not optional. They are fun, soft and furry, and do some really funny things.
Have you told your wife you'd love to take a long break from having pets? People have different levels of grieving for lost pets. I rush out to get a puppy because it distracts me from thinking about the deceased dog. Others, like you, may prefer to wait awhile. Could your wife volunteer at a rescue? That way, she could be around animals while you take a break.
Good luck to both of you, hope you can reach a compromise.
I hate not having a cat around! I went almost six months without one after I had to put my 16 y.o. Siamese to sleep (kidney failure) because I was moving out of state, but a kitty found me! (And became an Iowan, too)
I can't relate to "wanting to take a break" from a pet.
Yeah, I hope you and your wife can work something out. Keep in mind that she is the one home alone.
Added: I always hate the "cats are easier than dogs." Cats need attention, too! If you get a kitten, it needs as much socialization as a puppy. It can be trained, too. You won't be teaching it canine good citizenship but you still need to teach it things like "hands are not toys" and not to treat a human the same way as a tree.
Very good to hear this confirmation and the details.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taz22
Have you told your wife you'd love to take a long break from having pets?
Yeah we talked about it and agreed on it before our dogs passed, knowing the end would be coming. But I don't think the previous verbal discussion helps her feelings now, and I understand that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meemur
Added: I always hate the "cats are easier than dogs." Cats need attention, too!
Attention? Absolutely - we don't want a cat that just hides under the couch, but one that would definitely interact with us. But I'm always the one that has to walk the dog (wife's feet issues) every evening, while I'd prefer flexibility and freedom in my schedule. The dog needs to go outside every time we're about to sit down for dinner, or before bed, or in the morning when I'd prefer to sleep, or sometimes during the night. We can't be gone too long during the day or evening because the dog needs to go out or needs to eat or something like that. So these are the types of things I HOPE would indeed make "owning a cat easier than a dog".
I'm looking for your thoughts on:
- how long of a break between pets?
- is it unreasonable for me to think she should not rush into another pet?
- tips for me on trying to take a longer non-pet break while respecting her desire for a pet?
- thoughts on a cat as an easier pet replacement
You've already gotten some great thoughts on all of these so I will just add my own perspective.
- How long of a break? I may be an outlier, but I adopt the next wave while the last wave is still with me. That way I have no break and have already bonded with the new ones and don't feel like they are somehow replacing those that have passed. So like others have said, there is no rule - each person knows when s/he is ready.
- Having said that, no, don't "rush into" a pet to fill the void. This is actually part of the reason I like to adopt the next wave first so that I don't act on the wrong emotions. Take the time to find the right fit. There are SO MANY great animals out there waiting for their forever homes. The best thing you can do for you AND your pet is to make sure the fit is right.
- tips on trying to take a longer non-pet break.....hmmmmmmm....not sure what to add to the above.
- cat as an easier pet replacement. As a cat owner for most of my life and a dog owner for parts, cats are without question easier. You can do what you want without planning around them. Etc. But the flip side is that they tend to be less interactive. But as others have noted that is simply s tendency. I have a cat now, for example, that comes out of the woodwork to welcome me home, sleeps with me every night, and requires a minimum amount of cuddles every day. It really depends on the individual, but you can get some very cuddly affectionate cats. In most cases you will always be able to pick them up as you both get into your older years.
Good luck with your decisions and please keep us updated!
Attention? Absolutely - we don't want a cat that just hides under the couch, but one that would definitely interact with us. But I'm always the one that has to walk the dog (wife's feet issues) every evening, while I'd prefer flexibility and freedom in my schedule. The dog needs to go outside every time we're about to sit down for dinner, or before bed, or in the morning when I'd prefer to sleep, or sometimes during the night. We can't be gone too long during the day or evening because the dog needs to go out or needs to eat or something like that. So these are the types of things I HOPE would indeed make "owning a cat easier than a dog".
First off, I'm sorry for your losses.
Now, as someone who has both a dog and three cats, these are all very valid reasons a cat is "easier!" Another nice thing is that I can go away overnight, and leave them with just food/water and a clean litter pan... and if I go away for a longer vacation, a simple daily (or even every other day) visit from a friend/sitter is sufficient. I love having a dog for the companionship and protection etc, but especially as you get older, cats are less physically and financially demanding. Generally speaking.
As for the "waiting period," I'm like CrowGirl - not intentionally, but I always have at LEAST two four-legged animals at any given time. Only one dog at a time, though, since I don't think I could handle two. When my 17 year-old Siamese-mix cat (Kona) died in 2015, I had two other cats (Cyrus and Bindi) already in the house... so I didn't add any new pets until almost two years later, when I got tempted by a free kitten at the pound. My dog will be 12 years old in October, and I'm guessing I'll adopt fairly quickly when he passes. I'll grieve for a while, of course, but just can't imagine the house without a dog! All personal decisions, though, and who knows how I'll feel when that time comes.
P.S. I'd recommend an adult or even senior cat, over a kitten... especially since it's your first, I think a kitten would be too much energy (plus their personalities are hard to gauge). And if you're a senior yourself, which I'm guessing is true, see if your local rescues have a "seniors for seniors" program. We have that here, and it waives all adoption fees if the cat/dog and humans are over a certain age. I think it's a wonderful idea, and older kitties make terrific companions.
Anytime you feel you're ready. There is no real set time.
Cats are DEFINITELY more independent and easier to have around...sure they still need love and attention, but they can also deal with being on their own much better than dogs do...with the added bonus of keeping any rats at bay.
With cats you can go out (if you want), or work long hours...and they keep themselves amused and happy until you come back.
Dogs just miss you the whole time you're gone....you have to make special accomedations for them until you return.
I have 2 dogs, and 6cats...I never worry about the cats if I go out....but the dogs are a different story.
My beloved dog died in February. I grieved very hard for months. I have had both cats and dogs most of my life. I cried when all of them passed. I recently adopted a older kitten last month and he has been a joy, although I still miss my furbaby. Kittens are more challenging, but the plus is that their personalities are not yet set. I looked for an older cat but I wanted a cuddly cat and he just happened to be a kitten. He sleeps with me and cuddles on my chest Agree that cats are lower maintanence but they still need affection and care.
I waited 6 months to get a new pet. Everyone is different. However, I DO not think you should replace a pet immediately.
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