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How do you know your self worth? What made you want to value yourself?
I'm lost. I have to lose a lot of weight (like a whole person), but I don't really see the point. I have career aspirations, and I'd like to get married and have a baby. Apparently, there's a problem with being okay with dying.
How do you know your self worth? What made you want to value yourself?
I'm lost. I have to lose a lot of weight (like a whole person), but I don't really see the point. I have career aspirations, and I'd like to get married and have a baby. Apparently, there's a problem with being okay with dying.
First, let me say that I think a person should not let their weight define them. We live in a time when it's fashionable to be downright skinny. In other times it was attractive and sexy to be chubby (ever hear of the artist Peter Paul Rubens?), even more recently like the mid-20th Century the glamorous beauties of Hollywood - Liz Taylor, Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, etc. would be considered FAT today.
All human beings are valuable. When a person is dealing with very low self esteem they forget that and may feel worthless. I never considered myself good looking especially since I have two older brothers who were taller, more athletic and much handsomer than me. Still, I came to realize that there are a few people out there that find me attractive ... that desire me.
As far as I'm concerned, the only good reason to lose weight is for one's health. We all know that obesity contributes to high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, heart problems, obstructive sleep apnea, blah, blah, blah ...
Pinkmani is beautiful, lovely, intelligent and more valueable that all the gold and diamonds in the world right now. Each of us needs to be reminded now and then that we are wonderful and unique in our own way.
How do you know your self worth? What made you want to value yourself?
The interesting thing about this question is that you either value yourself and you don't. If you do, you take your value as a given; if you don't, you take THAT as a given. If you feel unworthy, then anything I might say about your inherent worth as a person would just bounce off you. It doesn't "resonate".
It has been my observation that in childhood (including adolescence) we are apt to accept the explicit and implicit value judgments of important adults (especially parents) and peer groups, internalize them, and then have the very devil of a time shedding those judgments when they are unkind, unfair and/or unwarranted. We don't even do very well at assessing the validity of the judgments, or acting in healthy ways to correct any that may have an actual basis, and we seem unable to discard unfounded judgments. We have lousy boundaries and don't even know when not to accept someone's right to judge. We even imagine judgements that don't actually exist -- or waste energy worrying about them. In short, nothing we do seems to matter and we give up.
If you struggle with low self-worth and can't trick yourself out of that mental rut somehow, then a professional assessment and perhaps cognitive behavioral therapy is in order.
Lack of motivation is often a side effect of repressed emotion. If you shut down in relationships then a lot of the pleasure feedback loops that drive positive motivation is lost. This can cause you to drift through life and drift into conditions like chronic obesity. Does life seem kind of uniformly "meh" to you? If so, you may need help with this as well.
I think the most important thing to realize is that everyone has every right to feel okay, sufficient, and worthy. If you don't feel those things then you should seek them out until you do.
Self worth comes from knowing who you are.....in my opinion...and I value my opinion a great deal.
Why?
Because I have done the work, made the effort and now am the happiest person I know.
Seek the wisdom to know who you are and where you came from; what is this life.
Sit...take time...contemplate...do the work....make effort...make a job of it, be determined
to be happy...analyze what happiness even is...
what is power, confidence, real enthusiasm...
Instead of being like a leaf blowing this way and that in emotions.
Buckle down and seek inner wisdom and your internal strength...be kind to others at all times, while doing it.
If you do nothing else...always be kind to others.
That alone will give you self worth...whether you are poor or obese, old, ugly, bald or beautiful...let
kindness to others define you, if nothing else.
A Buddhist monk once told me "you are so kind and compassionate to other people. You forgive the imperfections in others and are willing to forgive their mistakes. Why do you not have more compassion for yourself? Why are you unwilling to forgive yourself for your past mistakes? Do not dwell on the past or worry too much about the future ... all we really have is the present moment."
A Buddhist monk once told me "you are so kind and compassionate to other people. You forgive the imperfections in others and are willing to forgive their mistakes. Why do you not have more compassion for yourself? Why are you unwilling to forgive yourself for your past mistakes? Do not dwell on the past or worry too much about the future ... all we really have is the present moment."
I catch myself dwelling on the past. I'm like, "Pinkmani, just forget it ever happened." Obviously, I use my real name. I'm a worrywart. Part of my stress from worrying about the future is school-related.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn
Self worth comes from knowing who you are.....in my opinion...and I value my opinion a great deal.
Why?
Because I have done the work, made the effort and now am the happiest person I know.
Seek the wisdom to know who you are and where you came from; what is this life.
Sit...take time...contemplate...do the work....make effort...make a job of it, be determined
to be happy...analyze what happiness even is...
what is power, confidence, real enthusiasm...
Instead of being like a leaf blowing this way and that in emotions.
Buckle down and seek inner wisdom and your internal strength...be kind to others at all times, while doing it.
If you do nothing else...always be kind to others.
That alone will give you self worth...whether you are poor or obese, old, ugly, bald or beautiful...let
kindness to others define you, if nothing else.
This is my advice.
My weight definitely hinders my happiness. Sometimes I say to myself, "Why should I even bother?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by mordant
The interesting thing about this question is that you either value yourself and you don't. If you do, you take your value as a given; if you don't, you take THAT as a given. If you feel unworthy, then anything I might say about your inherent worth as a person would just bounce off you. It doesn't "resonate".
It has been my observation that in childhood (including adolescence) we are apt to accept the explicit and implicit value judgments of important adults (especially parents) and peer groups, internalize them, and then have the very devil of a time shedding those judgments when they are unkind, unfair and/or unwarranted. We don't even do very well at assessing the validity of the judgments, or acting in healthy ways to correct any that may have an actual basis, and we seem unable to discard unfounded judgments. We have lousy boundaries and don't even know when not to accept someone's right to judge. We even imagine judgements that don't actually exist -- or waste energy worrying about them. In short, nothing we do seems to matter and we give up.
If you struggle with low self-worth and can't trick yourself out of that mental rut somehow, then a professional assessment and perhaps cognitive behavioral therapy is in order.
Lack of motivation is often a side effect of repressed emotion. If you shut down in relationships then a lot of the pleasure feedback loops that drive positive motivation is lost. This can cause you to drift through life and drift into conditions like chronic obesity. Does life seem kind of uniformly "meh" to you? If so, you may need help with this as well.
I think the most important thing to realize is that everyone has every right to feel okay, sufficient, and worthy. If you don't feel those things then you should seek them out until you do.
My dad says I'm in the awkward transition period between high school and college (even though I'm a sophomore now). I've been doing cognitive behavioral therapy. I did notice improvement in my self esteem. I had to say to myself, "If you want it, get it". Instead of weekly, it's monthly because I transferred schools and I'm 4 hours away.
I want to be someone's wife someday, but the only guys that have ever approached me were in their late 20s, whereas I'm only 20. I think part of my issue is that I don't feel loved by my family. But that's another story for another day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clark Park
First, let me say that I think a person should not let their weight define them. We live in a time when it's fashionable to be downright skinny. In other times it was attractive and sexy to be chubby (ever hear of the artist Peter Paul Rubens?), even more recently like the mid-20th Century the glamorous beauties of Hollywood - Liz Taylor, Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, etc. would be considered FAT today.
All human beings are valuable. When a person is dealing with very low self esteem they forget that and may feel worthless. I never considered myself good looking especially since I have two older brothers who were taller, more athletic and much handsomer than me. Still, I came to realize that there are a few people out there that find me attractive ... that desire me.
As far as I'm concerned, the only good reason to lose weight is for one's health. We all know that obesity contributes to high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, heart problems, obstructive sleep apnea, blah, blah, blah ...
Pinkmani is beautiful, lovely, intelligent and more valueable that all the gold and diamonds in the world right now. Each of us needs to be reminded now and then that we are wonderful and unique in our own way.
Yeah, losing weight is necessary. Thanks for your kind words. I've never heard of Peter Paul Rubens. When I was at my normal weight, I was so much more outgoing and confident. I know that I'm still pretty because my parents gave me a beautiful face with big brown eyes and the most charming smile you've ever seen.
A Buddhist monk once told me "you are so kind and compassionate to other people. You forgive the imperfections in others and are willing to forgive their mistakes. Why do you not have more compassion for yourself? Why are you unwilling to forgive yourself for your past mistakes? Do not dwell on the past or worry too much about the future ... all we really have is the present moment."
Wonderful. But apparently I can't give u anymore reps.
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Wisdom from a Buddhist monk ...
