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My nephew grew-up knowing he was wanted and believing he was the biological offspring of his adoptive parents. He only recently learned his biological mother cared enough about him to give him to a couple who could provide him with a home life she alone could not. While growing-up, he wasn't burdened with questions about his other family or why his mother arrived at the decision she did. His life was as normal as possible and that was by design.
Being asked those questions really doesn't make life all that abnormal.
At an upscale eatery this week, we saw a beautiful 2 year old biracial child and her two white male parents. The men doted over her. Fed her fries off the kids menu and split time holding her. Aside from her hair being a mess (it happens- think Gloria Reubens) she seemed happy as did they. I've seen several couples like this, white same-sex couple and black or biracial child (black/white but could be black/latino etc). However it doesn point out potentially laxer adoption standards.
"Two dads and she's Black- that could be rough" was my initial thought. Then, I reconsidered, they obviously love her, want her and apparently have the resources and devotion to raise this child appropriately. It's better than her options otherwise likely.
On the east coast- adoptions were usually of Asian girls (until that door got shut) and the occassional South American child. I've seen blondes in traditional chinese garb for 'cultural outings' more than once.
I've also had hospital social workers tell me of arranged adoptions when a white child is promised to a couple and when the kid comes out a bit cafe au lait and mom remembers Dont'A or Marquis, there's been problems. Some parents keep the child. Some parents from really small towns can't take a black child to their enclave (I've been told).
I may adopt some day. I think I'd like the kids to look similar. But in the end it shouldn't matter.
Opinions?
Again this is not baiting- I believe that any kid raised in any home is better than a child raised in a institution.
I was not adopted. But I was the only white kid in a predominantly Mexican Indian family of 5 boys and 1 girl. From my perspective, I was always treated different, always singled out or picked on. I had to deal with the question constantly coming up of where did I come from or who's friend was I. I could not hide at family reunions, I still can not. I became very defensive as a result. My Mom was Portuguese, my Dad was Dutch and German, my stepdad was Apache and Mexican. My siblings were all dark eyed and dark haired, I have red hair and blue eyes. I never blended in till I found my real dad when I was 34 and found out I had a brother that looked like me and 4 sisters. I never looked like anyone till then. Every time I see a family with a child of another race, I know the questions and taunts that child will grow up with, and not just from other kids. Adults can be cruel too.
I was not adopted. But I was the only white kid in a predominantly Mexican Indian family of 5 boys and 1 girl. From my perspective, I was always treated different, always singled out or picked on. I had to deal with the question constantly coming up of where did I come from or who's friend was I. I could not hide at family reunions, I still can not. I became very defensive as a result. My Mom was Portuguese, my Dad was Dutch and German, my stepdad was Apache and Mexican. My siblings were all dark eyed and dark haired, I have red hair and blue eyes. I never blended in till I found my real dad when I was 34 and found out I had a brother that looked like me and 4 sisters. I never looked like anyone till then. Every time I see a family with a child of another race, I know the questions and taunts that child will grow up with, and not just from other kids. Adults can be cruel too.
There's an issue with blending I suppose. But if the kid is obviously adopted, you look like a sack saying something stupid. Doesn't stop it however.
Cultural sensitivity is ingrained in potential parents of fostered & adopted children, and they're implored to seek out cultural activities when bringing a child of another race or nationality into their home to prevent the child from feeling too isolated. I'm sure it still happens where a child is adopted and the new parents force them to acclimate, but for the most part I think you can be assured a family who is willing to take in a child from another race in the first place will be sensitive to their cultural background.
As for the poster who claimed certain states don't allow white families to adopt black children, that is simply untrue:
MEPA - Multiethnic Placement Act of 1994, Amended 1996 (http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/mepa94/ - broken link)
I'd adopt a Palestinian boy. They would probably make good baseball players with the way they can throw rocks.
The Palestinian Authority does not allow foreigners to adopt Palestinian kids because they fear that Israel could use foreign adoptions to remove more Palestinians from their land.
What I want to know is why does it appear that adoptions always seem to work only in one way. It's usually a White couple adopting a Black/African or asian girl. I never see Asian or Black families adopting kids from other races.
What I want to know is why does it appear that adoptions always seem to work only in one way. It's usually a White couple adopting a Black/African or asian girl. I never see Asian or Black families adopting kids from other races.
The reason for this is because there is an abundance of minority children available, and people "settle" for adopting minority children because they dont want to wait another year + for children of their own race.
It takes over 2 years normally to go through the adoption process just to get on the waiting list, and many dont want to wait another 1-2 years to get one of their own race when minorities are available the minute they get approved.
I have thought about adopting and maybe I will... to be honest, I probably adopt someone of my own race but really wouldn't be bothered if it was of another race... I know I can provide a better life and future for them but at the same time,
There are more then enough children waiting for find a new home to consider "perminant"..
The very first words my son said to me were "Are you my new daddy"? I'll never forget the amount of joy he received when he found out he was going into a stable perminant home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by evilnewbie
I am worried about how they will adjust to new parents and the thoughts about their biological parents...
Imagine the opposite though, how will they adjust to growing up knowing they had no parents? I adopted two, after swearing off my whole life that I didnt want any children, now we're considering adopting two more.
They do talk about their biological parents, they ask questions, (just like I did when I was a adopted), but I find their questions reasonable, and nothing hard to overcome, especially now that they have perminant homes.
My BF and his wife adopted their bi-racial grand-niece. Their niece was a crack addict who slept with anything, and yet produced a stunning and non-addicted bi-racial daughter. My BF and his wife loved and cared for little Sassie with no problems at all, until the first time they took her to Grandma's house for Thanksgiving. Half of the family walked out, refusing to sit in the same house with the "@#$&!". Grandma did not treat Sassie as one of her own grandchildren, and was distinctly uncomfortable around her. Fortunately my BF and his wife lived on a farm far removed from the rest of their family, and were still able to raise her in a loving household. When they sent her to school, she attended school with many bi-racial students, and was treated like anyone else. Well, now that Grandma is old and infirm, no one wants to take care of her... guess who does? The very grandchild whom she rejected...
Sassie is always funny, kind, smart and polite, just like her parents raised her to be. But I always wonder what would have happened to her if her parents had left her in the care of her crack-addicted mom (or, ultimately social services), or let their families' opinions influence their attitudes and beliefs.
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