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From my experience working with men and women involved in domestic violence (and from research) what is behind many of those reports of domestic violence from women towards men, is that there is a history of long term control and abuse by the husband towards the wife, but she has never called the cops out of fear what he will do to her or the children. So when she finally retaliates by throwing a knife or a pot at him or something, the cops are called, the husband is calm and holding his injury, and the wife looks like a crazy woman and is charged with assault.
It's hard to listen to a man telling his "poor me, I'm the victim and she's a crazy violent biatch" story while he's struggling to keep a smug smile off his face.
On the other hand, I've also met women who continually annihilate their husbands with contempt, criticism and stonewalling and have control over the money.
I work with battered men in my spare time and I have yet to meet or see any man who was smiling when he talked about the abuse. All of them feel ashamed and worthless. Many of them excuse the behavior of their attacker and blame themselves. One of the men I work with was charged with kidnapping when he took the kids and left his abusive wife. If a woman takes the kids out of an abusive home, she is a hero. When he did it, he was charged with kidnapping and child endangerment, charges were dropped when the kids started showing signs of abuse and he was nowhere near them.
Mainly my experience working in domestic violence. If an abuser in a small town can conflict out some local attorneys, or better yet legal aid, it is pretty effective at isolating the victim from being able to pursue any legal action.
Because of a recent thread on here I thought I would ask about Domestic violence and sexual crimes against men.
We live in a world where domestic violence and sexual crimes against men are seen as non-issues.
The Data is hard to come by as men are less likely to come forward.
No doubt women suffer the majority of reported domestic violence in America. But could that be due to the stigmas society places on men who are victims? Could the lack of dedicated male shelters cause men to think they have no resources? Unless a shelter is funded by the government, it does not have to help men. While shelter that get aid from the federal government often do offer assistance to men, they don't have a safe place for them to go. They often put them in hotels, homeless shelters, and refer them to anger management classes.
I have always wondered if we increased the number of shelters dedicated towards male victims if we would see more men coming forward and thus increasing the amount of male victims on reports. What do you think? Do you think the current data suggests we need to open federally funded shelters for men across the nation?
Actual physical and sexual abuse against men, by women,seems to be rare. Oh, surely it happens, I am not discounting it. However, men are abused by women is different ways, far more often. These ways are no less painful anx destructive than physical/sexual abuse, but they target non physical things.
Emotionally, financially, phsycologically. A woman can beat a man down, quite effectively. More attention is being drawn to this, which is good. A lot of men, in these situations, need help, as much or more, as men who are overtly, physically abused. Much violence, and self inflicted harm, could be prevented.
Women could be highly effective and counselors in this role. To help show men who have been close to utterly destroyed, that all women are not like that, and give hope.
Actual physical and sexual abuse against men, by women,seems to be rare. Oh, surely it happens, I am not discounting it. However, men are abused by women is different ways, far more often. These ways are no less painful anx destructive than physical/sexual abuse, but they target non physical things.
For me rare is 1 in 50 or more. If it falls below that 50 mark it is no longer rare.
Who are the Victims? | RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network
1 in 33 men have been victims of rape. 1 in 6 for women. Obviously, these numbers don't show unreported rapes. It doesn't take much to understand that since men are seen as weak or less of a man if they report such things, why would they report it? It is easier for a woman to report than it is a man. If we made it easier for men to report or have a safe place to go, you would see the number of reported male rape victims rise.
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Emotionally, financially, phsycologically. A woman can beat a man down, quite effectively. More attention is being drawn to this, which is good. A lot of men, in these situations, need help, as much or more, as men who are overtly, physically abused. Much violence, and self inflicted harm, could be prevented.
Both men and women do this. I agree while men are more likely to be physical, women are more likely to be psychologically abusive. This also gives us a valid reason for male shelters.
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Women could be highly effective and counselors in this role. To help show men who have been close to utterly destroyed, that all women are not like that, and give hope.
IF that were true, it would work both ways and men would work in women's shelters.
I think for every three women's shelters, thee should be one male shelter. Or all shelters need to be gender neutral. Shelters for men and women should work together in combating domestic violence and sexual assault.
I have always wondered if we increased the number of shelters dedicated towards male victims if we would see more men coming forward and thus increasing the amount of male victims on reports. What do you think? Do you think the current data suggests we need to open federally funded shelters for men across the nation?
I really dont support using federal or state funds for something there is no proven need for. If there were actually cases and stats showing a need then yes fund shelters for men, but not on the basis that there a X% of men not reporting abuse. Spend the money on awarness campains and promotions and training for law enforcement and judges. Get it out there that males also suffer domestic violence and abuses and that it is ok to report it and seek help. Then when there is a mesurable need fund male shelters.
And kudos to you for actually taking a positive and active role.
I really dont support using federal or state funds for something there is no proven need for. If there were actually cases and stats showing a need then yes fund shelters for men, but not on the basis that there a X% of men not reporting abuse. Spend the money on awarness campains and promotions and training for law enforcement and judges. Get it out there that males also suffer domestic violence and abuses and that it is ok to report it and seek help. Then when there is a mesurable need fund male shelters.
We know men are victims of such crimes, we know there is a stigma when it comes to men reporting these things. Providing them with a safe place to go before reporting the crime is needed. One of the main reasons we know so many women are victims is due to shelters reporting their numbers. Since the first shelter opening until now, more and more women are coming forward because they know they have a safe place to go.
The best part about the funding is that they have already funded gender neutral organizations, the problem is they don't provide a safe and reliable environment for men. I have personally reported three federally funded shelters in my area for turning down men. While I don't want anything bad to happen to the shelters, by refusing to help men as well as women, they are violating the law that says any federally funded program must support the needs of men and women.
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And kudos to you for actually taking a positive and active role.
For me rare is 1 in 50 or more. If it falls below that 50 mark it is no longer rare.
Who are the Victims? | RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network
1 in 33 men have been victims of rape. 1 in 6 for women. Obviously, these numbers don't show unreported rapes. It doesn't take much to understand that since men are seen as weak or less of a man if they report such things, why would they report it? It is easier for a woman to report than it is a man. If we made it easier for men to report or have a safe place to go, you would see the number of reported male rape victims rise.
Both men and women do this. I agree while men are more likely to be physical, women are more likely to be psychologically abusive. This also gives us a valid reason for male shelters.
IF that were true, it would work both ways and men would work in women's shelters.
I think for every three women's shelters, thee should be one male shelter. Or all shelters need to be gender neutral. Shelters for men and women should work together in combating domestic violence and sexual assault.
Interesting points. I really dont see anything we, really, disagree on. Men, very well CAN be good counselors for abused women. You see, the therapist I saw, when I was on my stormy sees, is a woman. Her entire methodology with me was outstanding. She is the only person, male or female, who could de fuse me with a word. I swear, she is a sorceress. Lol.
She, completlely, purged any thoughts, of bitterness against women, in general, from my mind. Interestingly, her name is the female version of mine. Like I was looking at a female version of myself. My current relationship, finds me in a situation I swore I would never be in again. Where I trust a woman, open up to her, and yea, she has me wrapped. Lol, and I like it.
So, I am operating on personal experience here. Not every man is me. This I understand. Thing is, it's a matter of WANTING to get past the abuse. Refusing to believe all women want to destroy you, dominate you, basically own you. A guy can be free, without the baggage of hate and bitterness. I agree, wholeheartedly, that shelters and centers, for men, need to be available. And competently staffed. Could help a LOT of men pick up the pieces.
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Is Domestic violence and sexual crimes against men an issue?
