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I used to resent the idea of marriage. I’ve made my peace with that, but I agree that it should be treated as a contract where consenting adults can decide what their marriage looks like, including if it has more than two people.
Honestly, I don’t think there’s a lot of pull for that. Most people are just fine with open marriages or relationships if they’re going to do anything of the sort.
Mostly agree.
For me personally, polygamy and or open relationship is a no. I am monogamous and like one person at a time.
With this said however, I wonder how many WOMEN (especially heterosexual women) would be happy in an open relationship.
The root problem with polygamy or open relationship is that it first requires a person to redefine at least three very important words with very specific meanings and parameters: relationship, commitment, and cheating/infidelity.
I think being attracted to more than one person at any given time is normal. Certainly we don't just have one person to whom we are attracted over the space of our lives, and we will even find ourselves liking more than one person concurrently whether we are monogamous or not. But I think it is also true that monogamy is not solely being attracted to one person, it is the conscious decision to prioritize them and your relationship, to commit to them first and only, and to willingly choose them over all other available options.
You (general term) can not ignore biology. Women and men are biologically different. Certainly there are always exception to the rule, but generally speaking, i think it is safe to assume that man wants to be the woman's first, woman, however, wants to be the man's last.
.. and let's be real, it is hard enough to be with just one person and therefore strive to simplify their lives and relationship as much as possible, not to create an unnecessary dumpster fire that will be fraught with drama, instability, insecurity, needless competition, playing favorites, and unhappiness.
Plus, like it or not, admit it or not, women are jealous by nature. Like Tinytrump said, "Women are anti sharing" lol I can honestly say that no wife should have to live in mental torture wondering if her husband loves the other wife more or wondering how she measures up in his eyes.
all these blah blah being said, I think it is better to be true to yourself first. Women are women's biggest enemy and a lot of women just do not know how to say no.
I know women who bring another woman in the relationship just to please the husband. They pretend to be "happy" in that relationship. These women are very unhappy.
Polygamy, in theory, is probably attractive to some people, but in reality, I doubt there are many successful open relationships out there.
I think it is especially difficult for heterosexual women.
For me personally, polygamy and or open relationship is a no. I am monogamous and like one person at a time.
With this said however, I wonder how many WOMEN (especially heterosexual women) would be happy in an open relationship.
The root problem with polygamy or open relationship is that it first requires a person to redefine at least three very important words with very specific meanings and parameters: relationship, commitment, and cheating/infidelity.
I think being attracted to more than one person at any given time is normal. Certainly we don't just have one person to whom we are attracted over the space of our lives, and we will even find ourselves liking more than one person concurrently whether we are monogamous or not. But I think it is also true that monogamy is not solely being attracted to one person, it is the conscious decision to prioritize them and your relationship, to commit to them first and only, and to willingly choose them over all other available options.
You (general term) can not ignore biology. Women and men are biologically different. Certainly there are always exception to the rule, but generally speaking, i think it is safe to assume that man wants to be the woman's first, woman, however, wants to be the man's last.
.. and let's be real, it is hard enough to be with just one person and therefore strive to simplify their lives and relationship as much as possible, not to create an unnecessary dumpster fire that will be fraught with drama, instability, insecurity, needless competition, playing favorites, and unhappiness.
Plus, like it or not, admit it or not, women are jealous by nature. Like Tinytrump said, "Women are anti sharing" lol I can honestly say that no wife should have to live in mental torture wondering if her husband loves the other wife more or wondering how she measures up in his eyes.
all these blah blah being said, I think it is better to be true to yourself first. Women are women's biggest enemy and a lot of women just do not know how to say no.
I know women who bring another woman in the relationship just to please the husband. They pretend to be "happy" in that relationship. These women are very unhappy.
Polygamy, in theory, is probably attractive to some people, but in reality, I doubt there are many successful open relationships out there.
I think it is especially difficult for heterosexual women.
Regarding most of this post especially the bolded part.....
We should be careful with mixing polygamy with open relationships in these discussions They are very different concepts. As someone who has been in a long-term relationship that was open, there are many aspects of polygamy that are simply not something I could accept.
For starters, most polygamists would consider sexual relations outside of the immediate family cheating. Not necessarily true for those in open relationships (and swingers) who author the boundaries and expectations themselves. Since polygamists are a family with multiple spouses they are indeed still spouses and considered part of the "relationship". So by definition, polygamists are NOT open relationships because they still only have relations within the relationship itself albeit a relationship consisting of more than just a couple.
Open relationships are a mutual agreement between a couple to have sexual relations outside the context of the relationship; my lovers were not my spouses and her lovers were not our spouses. Other than for companionship and pleasure, they are not part of our relationship and take no part in our lives together as a couple; there is no emotional commitment to our lovers. We were still very much committed to each other as a couple only.
I think polygamists in theory could also be open to having sexual relationships outside the family. However, most of what I read seems to indicate that polygamists are generally building their families on religious beliefs. I would surmise that having sexual relationships outside the immediate family would be considered a sin.
There are many successful open relationships out there but they take many different forms since the couples themselves author the expectations and boundaries of their relationship. Like my relationship, they are relationships that are kept discreet due to the stigma that they carry in society. The entire swinging community has existed for centuries with many long-term couples; they are all considered open relationships. They are generally out of sight of the general public while areas where polygamy is practiced are not something they wish to hide from society. To do so would be denying their family.
I am also a firm believer that people cannot and do not simply change their views on sexuality and intimacy on a whim. So married monogamous couples who try to fix their marriages by bringing in another individual is almost certainly going to fail. These are the tragic stories people observe and hear the most and incorrectly conclude that open relationships simply do not work. That simply isn't true.... It simply proves opening up a previously closed relationship is a terrible way to solve marital/relationship problems. I agree wholeheartedly with that. I would never ever make such a proposal to my wife even though she knows my history of being in open relationships.
What it boils down to is that couples in open relationships have different views on concepts of sexuality and intimacy. Polygamists have different views on relationships and family.
PS. My former fiance and I were in an open relationship and we are both heterosexual. She had more lovers than I did... it certainly wasn't a struggle for her. We ended our relationship because I wanted children and she was done (already a single mother when we met). We still communicate today..... from what I can tell, she never married again and still spends time with the same lovers she had back when we were together. I, on the other hand, ended up marrying someone who was not open to the idea; I accepted it and remained faithful till our separation.
Regarding most of this post especially the bolded part.....
We should be careful with mixing polygamy with open relationships in these discussions They are very different concepts. As someone who has been in a long-term relationship that was open, there are many aspects of polygamy that are simply not something I could accept.
For starters, most polygamists would consider sexual relations outside of the immediate family cheating. Not necessarily true for those in open relationships (and swingers) who author the boundaries and expectations themselves. Since polygamists are a family with multiple spouses they are indeed still spouses and considered part of the "relationship". So by definition, polygamists are NOT open relationships because they still only have relations within the relationship itself albeit a relationship consisting of more than just a couple.
Open relationships are a mutual agreement between a couple to have sexual relations outside the context of the relationship; my lovers were not my spouses and her lovers were not our spouses. Other than for companionship and pleasure, they are not part of our relationship and take no part in our lives together as a couple; there is no emotional commitment to our lovers. We were still very much committed to each other as a couple only.
I think polygamists in theory could also be open to having sexual relationships outside the family. However, most of what I read seems to indicate that polygamists are generally building their families on religious beliefs. I would surmise that having sexual relationships outside the immediate family would be considered a sin.
There are many successful open relationships out there but they take many different forms since the couples themselves author the expectations and boundaries of their relationship. Like my relationship, they are relationships that are kept discreet due to the stigma that they carry in society. The entire swinging community has existed for centuries with many long-term couples; they are all considered open relationships. They are generally out of sight of the general public while areas where polygamy is practiced are not something they wish to hide from society. To do so would be denying their family.
I am also a firm believer that people cannot and do not simply change their views on sexuality and intimacy on a whim. So married monogamous couples who try to fix their marriages by bringing in another individual is almost certainly going to fail. These are the tragic stories people observe and hear the most and incorrectly conclude that open relationships simply do not work. That simply isn't true.... It simply proves opening up a previously closed relationship is a terrible way to solve marital/relationship problems. I agree wholeheartedly with that. I would never ever make such a proposal to my wife even though she knows my history of being in open relationships.
What it boils down to is that couples in open relationships have different views on concepts of sexuality and intimacy. Polygamists have different views on relationships and family.
PS. My former fiance and I were in an open relationship and we are both heterosexual. She had more lovers than I did... it certainly wasn't a struggle for her. We ended our relationship because I wanted children and she was done (already a single mother when we met). We still communicate today..... from what I can tell, she never married again and still spends time with the same lovers she had back when we were together. I, on the other hand, ended up marrying someone who was not open to the idea; I accepted it and remained faithful till our separation.
Well said. I agree with you, especially the bold.
One point I would like to make is that, I don't think open relationship does not work, I am pretty sure some do actually, but I feel most don't because there is some very serious issues at play here.
1. I think it is extremely rare to have two people contemplating open a relationship at the same time. Most times one person has been contemplating this and has even taken steps to get ready for this type of relationship long before the other person knows anything.
2. I feel most people (especially heterosexual women) do not want open relationship. They only agree in an attempt to save their current relationship and it usually doesnt.
3. I feel jealousy is probably the biggest reason many of these open relationships fail hands down. Most of people like to "THINK" we are not jealous people, but the truth is we are, and it is completely natural to be jealous. Most of the time, women kill it in open relationships because men love to have no strings attached sex. When men find the girls they want to sex with, women can get really jealous about it.
Last but not least, how many couples can openly discuss this part of their lives with their partners?
I agree with you, however, it is true that it takes a very special combination of people to make the open relationship work. Both have to be on board with it and both have to be equal in it.
Plus, love, perspectives, relationships, feelings, and emotions, there is no right or wrong. At the end of the day, an open relationship can be totally wrong for some, but for some, maybe the open relationship is the only thing can make them happy. To each his/her own.
I still think for heterosexual women, open relationship and or polygamy can be especially challenging.
Personally, open relationship and or polygamy won't work for me. I feel so many men and women use it to fill an emotional void. I am not the type of girl who needs a man's shoulder to cry on. I don't have a problem to end a relationship either. Sex life is usually pretty satisfying in my relationship and we love each other.
Of course there are successful open relationships out there, but I feel they are the minority and exception is probably not the rule.
Not really. Most, if not all, of these men have multiple wives and children who draw welfare, while they avoid paying child support for their 20+ kids. That is an issue, and where they usually run into trouble. Also, some are held against their will, and some forced to marry men that they do not want to marry.
Yes, pretty soon just to type it out, it will take at least 2 lines here at the forum! Didn't I hear they added a brown bar to the pride flag to represent brown people, or maybe that was made up, not sure. Sadly, it is radical group that many will not wish to be associated with due to the threats of violence and demands, not for equality, but for superiority.
Well, I can tell you why the man would want more than one, but then, you are a grown woman or so I assume, so probably can figure that out.
If a man can have wives and children without having to support them, I think for men that are immoral and don't get that attached to others, to include their wives and children, that this is probably attractive.
As Allen explained to Kauffman, "What happens is a man marries one wife, she's his legal wife, then he marries ten other wives in the church, and all the other wives are, by law, single women, so they have all these children with him, and they all get welfare."
"On my wedding night, I was raped," another escapee from polygamy, Pam Black, said to Kauffman. She had 13 babies but, she says, "knew nothing about sexuality or intimacy, friendship."
"The US Attorney's office in Utah announced charges of money laundering and fraud against Lyle Jeffs, his brother Seth Jeffs, and nine others who lead the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or FLDS. The church leaders are accused of orchestrating an elaborate scheme that allowed them to use food stamps to purchase a John Deere tractor, a pickup truck, and other items."
"The children of these "families" are the greatest victims. Without a choice, they must bear the harmful repercussions of their involvement. Common atrocities enacted toward the children include both beatings and inappropriate physical relations, in addition to the denial of a proper education and appropriate medical attention. The very basic of human and civil rights are often denied polygamous children and women."
The children of homosexual parents suffer more than the children of polygamists.
Why is polygamy still illegal? Why aren't LBGTQIA+2S fighting for the rights of polygamists? Maybe Mormons were woke before woke was cool.
Asking for a friend.
Polygamy does not mean plural wives. It's a generic term meaning plural spouses. Women can be polygamists too. The correct term for what the Mormon fundie crowd practices is polygyny. But that bunch was never known for a strong command of English.
I know a lot of gay guys who are basically polygamist. They might have three or four live in one house and are all “husbands” and share each other.
That is polyamory which is practiced among all groups.
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