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Personally, I think Rihanna (as a role model) should have left Chris/Bobby Brown. It sends out the wrong message to women who are genuinely "stuck" in bad/abusive relationships.
WTF...I can't stand Rihanna's awful so-called music anyway, but I wouldn't wish what she went through on anyone.
"Live Your Life" should mean living your own life, free from abuse!
Am I seriously reading what I am reading?? I can NOT believe some of you are actually justifying this crap! Have any of you read the police report? I have, it's out there you know. I do not recall reading anything about her hitting him, where did you get this from, your friends?? Another thing, there have been sources that have alluded to the fact that this is not the first time he has gotten violent with her. Whether that's true or not remains to be seen because obviously at this point & time, she is not going to write a tell-all book. This little s**t needs to be beat down big time, I say Jay-Z gets the honors. What is he, all of 18?? Yeah, his career is down the s**tter. I'm astounded by those of you saying that this is not abuse & that she may have deserved it if she hit him first. WTF is wrong w/you people? You are the reason why this is not considered a big deal by all those losers out there. Not domestic violence my ass.
Unless I am wrong or my words and some others have been misinterpreted, no one has justified what happened. All that is being said is that there could be a gray area that we are not privy to and without all of the information available you cannot make a judgement. As far as the police report is concerned, it was taken from Rihanna's statements to the police so it is only one side of the story...I have not read (maybe you have) Chris Brown's take on the situation.
Regardless of that there is a level of immaturity that occured with this situation. He is, I believe 19 and probably fresh out of high school, and for people to wish that his career is ended, that he is crap or that he will be an abuser for the rest of his life is not looking at the reality of the situation. There are things that people have done in their teenage years (and he still is a teenager) that they will never do as an adult. If the situation is as it appears, he should suffer the consequences of it and also go to some anger management classes so that it will never occur again. Even if it is not as it appears, he still should go to some anger management classes because he appears to have an anger problem (based on this situation).
The main thing is that I, personally, do not like to make snap judgements. I like having full knowledge of the situation and I do know that sometimes there is more to a story then what is publicly reported. I know very little about this situation or about Chris Brown or Rihanna, and can only go by what I have read or heard others talk about and like I stated, if he is an abuser then he should suffer the consequences but I will not damn him without knowing what the situation is, and as far as I know noone but them know what occurred or what precipated the fight.
As an example regarding the court of public opinion (not domestic violence), a man has been paying child support for 14 years when he finds out that the child may not be his. He stops making payments and public opinion automatically labels him as a deadbeat dad prior to anyone knowing the situation. Once dna tests prove that he is not the father, he is not obligated to pay any further child support but he will most likely never see a dime of the child support that he paid. Now, only a few people care about the actual reason he stopped paying so for all intents he will continously be labeled as a deadbeat dad. Too me, that point where he stopped paying and the dna results is a gray area. As long as he does not talk about it all you will hear is that he is not paying child support. That is basically what I am referring to when I say a gray area.
Now I will state again, I do not believe in domestic violence, and I have never been a situation like that nor was I raised in a family where domestic violence was practiced and I am glad that I have never been placed in a situation where it could occur but I cannot truthfully tell anyone that if I was hit in the head with a frying pan that I would just walk away. I would like to think I would, and emotionally I think I would but since I have never been in that situation I cannot say for sure.
Please take these words in the manner that they are intended. I am not justifying his actions, nor do I believe Rihanna should have gotten beat up but I am trying to understand the full extent of what happened....cause and effect...... before making a judgement call.
The reality of the situation is that he beat the crap out of her. And, as I said, sources have said this is not the first time he has been violent. Your example of a man stopping child support is nowhere near this situation. He beat her up, it's a fact. It is also a fact that when a person beats another, as in this situation, it usually is not the first time nor will it be the last. I stand by what I said, his career should be done for, I really don't care that he's young. He's not an idiot, he knows that's not the norm, yet he did it anyway. I have no sympathy for that, at all.
What irks me more than whether or not this is/is not domestic violence is this....
Rihanna gets the bad end of a fight in a car, which may or may not be indicative of a pattern of abuse. She has some nasty bruises on her head, but as I understand it...... no broken bones, no teeth knocked out, no internal organ damage.......... yet this is a mega news story all over the world and they decide to charge Brown with a 5 year FELONY...
How many victims of DV are beaten much, much worse than Rihanna every day.... killed every night? You'll never hear about it on the news, and the DA will either be too "busy" to investigate and file charges or will plead it down to simple battery....
It is her fault for being STUPID and going back to him.
Part of the problem is they do go back it takes approx. 6/7 times of leaving and going back before they break free if they are inclined to do so.
They want to believe they are sorry and it wont happen again but sad to say that it usually will escalate sometimes it may take years others a shorter time frame to get to where they beat them like he beat Rihanna. I will almost guarantee that is not the 1st time he has hit her.
Part of the problem is they do go back it takes approx. 6/7 times of leaving and going back before they break free if they are inclined to do so.
They want to believe they are sorry and it wont happen again but sad to say that it usually will escalate sometimes it may take years others a shorter time frame to get to where they beat them like he beat Rihanna. I will almost guarantee that is not the 1st time he has hit her.
Exactly.
I am not a cruel person. I do not think that women should sit around getting beat.
From what I heard, this was not the first time he hit her.
Shame on her for going back to him. She is stupid.
I know several friends who have abusive partners. One of them is very stupid. She is my best friend but I call her stupid. Her husband raped her, made her pregnant, beat her and rapes her still. The police had been called on him, the judge has been involved. Everything. Has she ended their marriage? Nope! Yet, she complains about him every chance she gets. She cries and complains. Yes, the baby sees all of this. Now my friend calls me to complain about her child is "tramatized." Well, no kidding!
Same with my other friend. She was molested by her uncle. When her and her partner fight, he hits her and says "Go f**K your uncle."
I tell them both they are stupid because well..they are. The married friend got mad at me a couple days ago because she was telling me about how bad she felt for Rihanna. I told her what I am telling you guys. Rihanna is stupid. She looks at me and says "SHUT UP! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE IN THIS SITUATION! WHY IS EVERYONE BAGGING ON RIHANNA!? SHE IS THE VICTIM!"
But how can she *not* be stupid? If you go back, whatever. If you take your child with you (like my friend) and then complain she is tramatized, YOU ARE STUPID!
I, as a woman, would never EVER EVER EVER accept my partner hitting me or calling me names. My cousin and two friends tolerate it. I sure as hell never would.
Exactly.
I am not a cruel person. I do not think that women should sit around getting beat.
From what I heard, this was not the first time he hit her.
Shame on her for going back to him. She is stupid.
I know several friends who have abusive partners. One of them is very stupid. She is my best friend but I call her stupid. Her husband raped her, made her pregnant, beat her and rapes her still. The police had been called on him, the judge has been involved. Everything. Has she ended their marriage? Nope! Yet, she complains about him every chance she gets. She cries and complains. Yes, the baby sees all of this. Now my friend calls me to complain about her child is "tramatized." Well, no kidding!
Same with my other friend. She was molested by her uncle. When her and her partner fight, he hits her and says "Go f**K your uncle."
I tell them both they are stupid because well..they are. The married friend got mad at me a couple days ago because she was telling me about how bad she felt for Rihanna. I told her what I am telling you guys. Rihanna is stupid. She looks at me and says "SHUT UP! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE IN THIS SITUATION! WHY IS EVERYONE BAGGING ON RIHANNA!? SHE IS THE VICTIM!"
But how can she *not* be stupid? If you go back, whatever. If you take your child with you (like my friend) and then complain she is tramatized, YOU ARE STUPID!
I, as a woman, would never EVER EVER EVER accept my partner hitting me or calling me names. My cousin and two friends tolerate it. I sure as hell never would.
Is there any way you can get your friend to attend a domestic violence group meeting? Go to a crises center and just talk to someone. Or you go and get info for her to read? Sometimes it helps if they hear others with similar stories to know they are not alone and it is not their fault. That they will be ok if they leave them and if they are threatening to kill them that they will not succeed. Allot of women donot realize what constitutes DV and think they have done something to deserve it so they tolerate it. They usually have low self esteem and other issues of low self worth.
Don't give up on your friend. It is typical what she is doing. But if you educate your self on DV more than maybe you will have the right ammo to tell her when she needs to talk.
The reality of the situation is that he beat the crap out of her. And, as I said, sources have said this is not the first time he has been violent. Your example of a man stopping child support is nowhere near this situation. He beat her up, it's a fact. It is also a fact that when a person beats another, as in this situation, it usually is not the first time nor will it be the last. I stand by what I said, his career should be done for, I really don't care that he's young. He's not an idiot, he knows that's not the norm, yet he did it anyway. I have no sympathy for that, at all.
Your position is understood. BTW, the child support example was not a comparison to this situation but an example of what a gray area can be based on public perception, as that is what the majority of my posts in this thread have been about.
Is there any way you can get your friend to attend a domestic violence group meeting? Go to a crises center and just talk to someone. Or you go and get info for her to read? Sometimes it helps if they hear others with similar stories to know they are not alone and it is not their fault. That they will be ok if they leave them and if they are threatening to kill them that they will not succeed. Allot of women donot realize what constitutes DV and think they have done something to deserve it so they tolerate it. They usually have low self esteem and other issues of low self worth.
Don't give up on your friend. It is typical what she is doing. But if you educate your self on DV more than maybe you will have the right ammo to tell her when she needs to talk.
Just to add on, there are also a lot of websites that they can research. Domestic Violence is not only physical but also emotional, financial etc. If they are in an abusive relationship, or if they think they are in an abusive relationship they should seek counseling. If it is a physically abusive relationship, they need to get counseling as soon as possible because it not only affects the adult who is being abused but the chidlren, if there are any, and those surrounding them.
There is also help for those that are in this type of situation that want to separate from the abuser. Domestic Violence shelters have a wide range of programs to help victims of abuse to restart their life and they tend to be safe. Just as an aside, if you are or someone you know is in this type of situation be careful of whom you let know your whereabouts because the abuser may be able to find out your location from someone who is close to you.. Noone should have to live a life of fear from those that claim to love you. If someone is in this situation in the New York City area, just DM me and I may be able to put you into contact with someone or an organization that can help.
Exactly.
I am not a cruel person. I do not think that women should sit around getting beat.
From what I heard, this was not the first time he hit her.
Shame on her for going back to him. She is stupid.
I know several friends who have abusive partners. One of them is very stupid. She is my best friend but I call her stupid. Her husband raped her, made her pregnant, beat her and rapes her still. The police had been called on him, the judge has been involved. Everything. Has she ended their marriage? Nope! Yet, she complains about him every chance she gets. She cries and complains. Yes, the baby sees all of this. Now my friend calls me to complain about her child is "tramatized." Well, no kidding!
Same with my other friend. She was molested by her uncle. When her and her partner fight, he hits her and says "Go f**K your uncle."
I tell them both they are stupid because well..they are. The married friend got mad at me a couple days ago because she was telling me about how bad she felt for Rihanna. I told her what I am telling you guys. Rihanna is stupid. She looks at me and says "SHUT UP! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE IN THIS SITUATION! WHY IS EVERYONE BAGGING ON RIHANNA!? SHE IS THE VICTIM!"
But how can she *not* be stupid? If you go back, whatever. If you take your child with you (like my friend) and then complain she is tramatized, YOU ARE STUPID!
I, as a woman, would never EVER EVER EVER accept my partner hitting me or calling me names. My cousin and two friends tolerate it. I sure as hell never would.
I dated a guy on & off for about a year a couple years ago. He was the worst, an absolute off the charts mental case. Seriously, he should be on medication. He HATED all of my friends, ALL of them! He ripped sweatshirts in blind rages, he broke one of my mirrors, threw my wallet out of the car once. Just an all around psychotic. Yet, I kept forgiving him because I kept remembering the first 3 months we dated when he was so sweet & loving I couldn't believe it. I hoped that he would become that way again. It obviously never happened. He ended up moving out of state, I saw him once when he came back to visit & the psychosis started all over again. Something finally clicked & I never called him back or took his phone calls. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though he never hit me or anything like that, it was still abuse behavior & for some insane reason, I kept thinking it would change & go back to the beginning. My friends all thought I was nuts, I actually lost a friend over it, although we have since became friends again. Until you're in a situation like that, & believe me that will NEVER happen again, it's hard to understand. Of course, when I hear about women who put up w/that & worse, I have ALL sorts of things to say to them. Doesn't matter, it has to be your choice.
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