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Thank you for sharing your experiences Mrs. Skeffington, Jrsygrl51 and JanND. It makes me feel better to know I have not turned into a callous, evil and selfish person at all, that there have been other women who have gone through this same feeling of disconnect.
I am starting to imagine what my baby would look like and how it would feel to hold him/her in my arms. But still, the dread and the feeling that I would rather give it up still crosses my mind sometimes.