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I'm actually with the OP on this one. I am a very private person and can relate to not wanting pregnancy news broadcast to every person on the planet. I think that's perfectly understandable and acceptable. Now would I tell my husband? Well, yes, but he (mostly) understands my desires for privacy and would keep the news quiet until I was ready to share it with everyone. The OP on the other hand has stated that her husband is no good at keeping secrets and that her inlaws have been pestering her for a baby for years so I think it make perfect sense that she wants to wait and tell him (and them) a little later on when she's feeling more comfortable with the pregnancy.
I'm actually with the OP on this one. I am a very private person and can relate to not wanting pregnancy news broadcast to every person on the planet. I think that's perfectly understandable and acceptable. Now would I tell my husband? Well, yes, but he (mostly) understands my desires for privacy and would keep the news quiet until I was ready to share it with everyone. The OP on the other hand has stated that her husband is no good at keeping secrets and that her inlaws have been pestering her for a baby for years so I think it make perfect sense that she wants to wait and tell him (and them) a little later on when she's feeling more comfortable with the pregnancy.
I agree, but I would tell the husband right away about going off of the pill (she should have told him right away).
One of my co-workers was SO private about her personal life that she didn't even tell her closest friends and co-workers that she was pregnant until she was 6 months along and starting to wear maternity clothes (and her 3rd grade students were openly speculating whether or not she was going to have a baby). The adults figured that she would tell us when she was ready to tell us.
Actually, it was a nice contrast to the co-workers who talked endlessly about their pregnancies from the morning after conception (at least it seemed like it started that early).
It is something you really should have discussed even if you believe it is what he wanted. Imagine if you came in one day and he says "Oh Honey, I meant to tell you, I sold the house last week and we are moving to Indiana at the end of the month. I know you really wanted to move to a new house, so I did not think I needed to tell you." You might be a little upset. Even if you are all excited and always wanted to live in Indiana, you still would be a bit miffed that he just did it and never discussed it with you.
Tell him wihtout delay, tell him you are sorry for not discussing something that will completely change your lives as a couple even though you know it is what he wants. He will probably get over it eventually, but it may reduce his trust in you for a while. On the other hand, you will both likely be so excited and busy about the baby, you will not have time to really even think about much else.
Congratulations. You are headed into a new different and totally awesome life.
This is absolutely a divorceable offensive in my book. I want children, desperately. However, if I found out my SO was poking holes in condoms hoping to "surprise" me, I would leave him so fast that his head would spin.
Children are not a surprise. You wouldn't give someone a puppy without notice, why ever would you purposefully lie to someone you claim to love about a child that you are responsible for at LEAST the next 18 years, and emotionally responsible for the rest of your life?
This is absolutely a divorceable offensive in my book. I want children, desperately. However, if I found out my SO was poking holes in condoms hoping to "surprise" me, I would leave him so fast that his head would spin.
Children are not a surprise. You wouldn't give someone a puppy without notice, why ever would you purposefully lie to someone you claim to love about a child that you are responsible for at LEAST the next 18 years, and emotionally responsible for the rest of your life?
This.
I would be upset if my SO made a major life choice for me without consulting me.
Most married folks have had the baby talk and don't need, want or desire a play by play every time they have sex. Some think they can have total control of everything but those people are going to go through life stressed and angry that they don't get it. In most good marriages you take what comes along and are happy if it's something you wanted anyway. Pregnancies tend to be one of the things you don't get to have complete control over. If a guy absolutely did not want children ever I can see this being an issue, but that wasn't the case was it? Chill. It was much more fun and easy when we weren't "trying", we did it both ways. And honestly, if I waited for my husband to be READY for everything I'd be childless right now.
Yup, it's akin to him getting a big fat raise, cashing the check, and handing over the usual amount to wifey... and pocketing the balance without telling her.
Oh, come on - it's not like that at all. It's more like him working hard toward a bonus but not telling her about it till it's in the bank for sure, so she won't get her hopes up in case he doesn't reach the goal.
That being said, I think she should have told him when she went off the pill - and should have told him when she was two weeks late that she might be pregnant. She does seem a bit too secretive for my taste, but really the dynamics of all this are individual, between her and her husband. He WANTS a baby and has wanted one for years. It's not as if she's going to hide the pregnancy and then give the baby away to gypsies.
Did this woman even get a positive pregnancy test?
When she posted, she was two weeks late. Do you realize that millions of women don't even realize that they are pregnant till around then? We aren't talking about hiding it for months.
And who talks about poking holes in the condom? The husband WANTS kids.
OP should have told him she had gone off the pill - yes. But I do not see the outrage.
Last edited by Jaded; 07-18-2013 at 07:18 PM..
Reason: Removed offensive word
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Just plan a nice private moment
