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But this child could be the happiest most joyful little being that has ever been in her life. Handicapped children are SO MUCH fun & they just LOVE to LOVE!
And even if she were with this child a mere 7 years or less, I'm positive that it would be an amazing experience!![/quote]
I cannot wrap my head around these comments.
I would terminate the pregnancy. While the mom could be having loads of fun as suggested by the above poster (heavy sarcasm), I don't think multiple, severe handicaps are something I would want to inflict on a child. It isn't just about the parent here. How strong is the marriage of the potential parents? How much help would the parents receive if the child DOES have many needs? This is an unpopular question I am sure but how are the parents doing financially? If one parent has to stay at home to care for said handicapped child forever, can the other parent support the family? Don't many marriages fail after the severe stress of such a birth? This would not be good for the parent left to care for the disabled child.
Of course this is going to be a long hard road should they decide to keep this child. But first things first......they need to find out what type of disabilities this child may have. The OP stated a wide range of issues that are a concern such as spina bifida, heart problems, Down Syndrome.
It sounds like the doctor has more tests to run. I'm sure they will be able to rule out or confirm certain diagnosis. A child with Down Syndrome is different than a child with Spina Bifida...as is a child with a heart defect different than a child with Spina Bifida. Not only that but there are different levels at which a child can be inflicted with many different disablitlies. Just because the child may have Down Syndrome or a heart defect doesn't mean they will have to give up the rest of their lives. Adjustment...yes ...change...yes...hard...sure....but this mother and child can still have a full life...we just need to wait and see what the tests reveal. None of these are to be taken lightly - but some may be easier to deal with should they choose to.
I would terminate the pregnancy. While the mom could be having loads of fun as suggested by the above poster (heavy sarcasm), I don't think multiple, severe handicaps are something I would want to inflict on a child. It isn't just about the parent here. How strong is the marriage of the potential parents? How much help would the parents receive if the child DOES have many needs? This is an unpopular question I am sure but how are the parents doing financially? If one parent has to stay at home to care for said handicapped child forever, can the other parent support the family? Don't many marriages fail after the severe stress of such a birth? This would not be good for the parent left to care for the disabled child.
J
Have you read any of the threads/posts in the Special Needs Children forum? People who HAVE decided to keep their dwarf child, cerebal palsy child & so on usually enjoy having these children around.
It is hard finacially, but money would NOT hold me back from keeping an imperfect child.
Do you know any handicapped children or know someone who works with them?
They change lives, I've seen it.
Just because a child has imperfections doesn't mean it should be a burden.
Each case is different, of course, but many parents do not regret their retarded, deformed or disabled child.
It sounds like the doctor has more tests to run. I'm sure they will be able to rule out or confirm certain diagnosis. A child with Down Syndrome is different than a child with Spina Bifida...as is a child with a heart defect different than a child with Spina Bifida. Not only that but there are different levels at which a child can be inflicted with many different disablitlies. Just because the child may have Down Syndrome or a heart defect doesn't mean they will have to give up the rest of their lives.
I hope the OP will keep us posted.[/quote]
I agree. The range of issues are big and they can each have vastly different outcomes. Some issues are more easily dealt with than others. But none are to be taken lightly.
Question for the op. Does the family have other children? Would the other children have to take on a lot of responsibility for potential handicapped child? This would factor into *my* decision but not necessarily someone elses.
The parents need to have a very strong support system in place. Also, if one cannot afford the care of this child, there is the added frustration of dealing with social services and medical insurance/medicare (medicaid, I get confused about what it is called). I saw my dad deal with this when my mom need round the clock care. If you do not have the $$ to pay yourself, you are stuck with what the state will pay for and the service is not always what you envision for your loved ones yet you are stuck because there is no way you can afford to pay for better yourself. It can be heartbreaking. This has made me realize that *I* need to have long term care insurance for when I get older. I do NOT want my services to be determined by what the gov can give me. Long rant to say, there is much to think about and the severity of the disabilities would be a major factor.
Okay. I wasn't going to post, but I have to give my humble opinion on this. When I was pregnant I was in my late 30s and was asked if I wanted the test that would tell me if I was going to have a baby with problems. My response was no because I wouldn't terminate pregnancy. Now here goes the part some will have a hard time with, my faith. I believe God puts everyone here for a purpose and if the baby was too terribly deformed to live then obviously the mother would miscarry or something. I don't believe in intervening in the Divine Plan.
Also, my doctor doesn't believe in that test also, but wasn't suppose to tell me that because it might effect my decision, which it most certainly would not. She said the test has a lot of false positives and couples will carry these children with this huge cross to bear and then deliver and the child is fine.
Now I know there are those of you that don't believe in God and I'm not here to argue that, but I had to give my opinion and couldn't leave out the deciding factor in a decision I would make.
God Bless them and the rough road ahead they have to take.
Do you know any handicapped children or know someone who works with them? They change lives, I've seen it. Just because a child has imperfections doesn't mean it should be a burden.
Actually I do work with handicapped people everyday. Where I work has a program that employs people from a home for mentally and physically disabled folks. Yes, they are a pleasure to work with and seem to be happy all the time (except when one dies permaturely which happened a few weeks ago). My husband drove for a bus system that transported residents from the 3 or 4 of these homes in my area. He loved working with them but what broke his heart was the fact that these people were left by family and never visited by them. The ones that were visted weren't visited that often. Also, I have a client that teaches special ed. He doesn't have a whole lot of good to say about many of the parents. They are uninvolved and use the school as a place to get some respite from their child. They aren't involved in the school work as they don't care. I realize this is a generalization but this is what he talks about a lot.
Imperfections are not a burden and that is not what we are really talking about. They are big time disabilities and the child may have a short life (all conjecture since we don't actually know what is wrong). It is HARD on the parents and family both financially and emotionally.
What if waiting for a firm analysis of the deformities would take the pregnancy past the point of no return (whatever your line of tolerance is)?
What if it isn't a question of having a few happy years despite handicaps, but a question of a profoundly handicapped child who will outlive the parents?
What of the quality of life of the 2 existing children? What if the strain resulted in the breaking up of the marriage? What if it meant financial ruin of the exisiting family?
As others have said, it is only the couple's business and their family will support whatever decision they make. Ironically, the mother in question has had experience working at a place for profoundly handicapped children. I don't know which way this will influence her...to give her the feeling she can handle it, or to help her know what she would be facing.
As for me, I hope I would have the courage to terminate the pregnancy.
Respectfully, Homeward bound, we are not talking a retarded person, or a crippled person, but a possible vegetable. There are children like this who survive. If my car gets stuck on a train track and a train is coming, I'm getting out of the way. I'm not geting struck because God put my car on the train track.
[quote=collected_eve;2520272]Have you read any of the threads/posts in the Special Needs Children forum? People who HAVE decided to keep their dwarf child, cerebal palsy child & so on usually enjoy having these children around.
Do you know any handicapped children or know someone who works with them? They change lives, I've seen it.
One thing I forgot to add. At these homes that are in my area, there are many residents that cannot be around other folks because they are not happy, they are violent. I worked at a police dept that weekly gets several calls because a resident got violent with a staff member. Or they were a runaway. We had two youngsters (maybe 14ish) runaway from the facility onto the college campus next door that had a lot of construction work going on. They decided to climb up the ladder to a cherry picker thing (way high in the air, they were building a new parking structure) and wouldn't come down. The Fire Dept had to climb up there all while the residents were swinging at them. Finally a bribe of candy got the kids interested enough so that the fireman could grab them, get them secured, and get them down. I guess I have a little of insight after spending 4 years reading police reports on the neighboring home for disabled people.
When I did hair at a salon near this home, we would get several residents a month. Really fun. BUT the guy I worked with had to go to the home for a few that couldn't be let out. He always came back with bruises. He DID resort to taking cookies with him so that he could distract from the nipple twisting he was constantly subjected to.
I think I can speak first hand of what its like to have a profoundly handicapped person in the immediate family, and it is TOUGH. I was my parent's first born, and my younger brother, who is now 27, was born with a rare chromosome disorder called 18Q-. 27 years ago the technology was not around to detect the disorder during pregnancy, and even at my brother's birth doctors thought he was a healthy baby boy. It wasn't until he began failing to meet his milestones that doctors began to worry. Tests were ordered on him at 6-months-old, and by 1-year-old they got the results and knew it was the chromosome disorder 18Q- (part of his 18th chromosome is missing). Even then they were unable to tell my parent's how severe his case would be, and unfortunately, he has proven to be a very severe case. He has the body of an adult man, and the mental function of a 1-year-old. He is autistic, doesn't speak, and frequently has meltdowns and temper tantrums. It's very difficult to deal with. We have been lucky, my parent's have a strong marriage and have helped each other through it. My dad has always worked full time and my mother is STILL a stay at home Mom at 53-years-old as that is their only option since my brother needs constant care. She must bathe him, dress him, feed him, and care for him in every way. Now that he is an adult and my parent's are getting older, he is on lists to get into a group home as they want to choose the best placement for him before they get too old to care for him and it becomes a desperate situation. Unfortunately, in our state (Illinois) there is a shortage of group homes and my parent's are picky about finding the perfect place for him so they are still waiting. It's been hard on me too, but my parent's always did a great job of giving me a normal childhood and not burdoning me with it. It was tough because we rarely were able to do things like vacations and dinners and parties together as a family, things that most people take for granted, as my brother was extremely difficult to take out in public and needed constant care at home. I love and admire my parent's so much and think they have done a fabulous job with the difficult situation they were given. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, my parent's love my brother with all their hearts and wouldn't change things for the world. I also know just how hard it is and how much is involved in raising a child like this, and I don't judge no matter what decision a parent faced with something like this makes. It's more difficult than most people can imagine.
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forgot to add one thing....
