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Wondering if anyone has some recommendations on a good self-help book.
Background - my problem is that I am low key, even keeled guy, I guess some would say I appear emotionless. I have tons of emotions - on the inside.
I come home from work and don't say anything about my day to my wife. I don't know why.
So I'm looking for a book(s) that deal with opening up, working on marriage, communicating better, things along those lines. In other words, how can I provide emotional support and open the lines of communication?
I am going to seek therapy so I am not looking for the book to be the cure, just some reinforcement and additional things for me to think about.
This is a link to a free online self-help book (collection of articles) and covers probably every issue that could exist: Online Self-Help Book for Mental Health, Mental Illness I hope this is an OK link to provide because it is an excellent resource.
I applaud your effort because what you describes gets worse with age if you already haven't noticed that. I think this self-help book can help you formulate the direction you want to take. Good luck.
There are some self-help books out there that may be helpful to you... but they are only guides.
If they inspire you into positive action, then you are getting what you need out of it.
Here's something you might try with the wife;
Go home to her and ask her how her day was.
Then listen
Then listen some more...
... even if you find you don't want to. Hear her out until she's done or hit a reasonable pause. Then think of something interesting that happened to you that day. Now's a good time to practice humor. Humor solves probably about 50% of our problems.
Now... if you do this, I think it's good to go easy on yourself. It takes practice and patience.
I like to inventory my day; was I selfish, dishonest, resentful, fearful? Was I kind and loving towards all? What could I have done better?
Wondering if anyone has some recommendations on a good self-help book.
Background - my problem is that I am low key, even keeled guy, I guess some would say I appear emotionless. I have tons of emotions - on the inside.
I come home from work and don't say anything about my day to my wife. I don't know why.
So I'm looking for a book(s) that deal with opening up, working on marriage, communicating better, things along those lines. In other words, how can I provide emotional support and open the lines of communication?
I am going to seek therapy so I am not looking for the book to be the cure, just some reinforcement and additional things for me to think about.
McGowDog...Great advice! And so simple too! Just come home and ask your spouse about his or her day with sincere interest and full attention!..Then "share back!" I really enjoyed your post and advice!...I take "inventory" of my behavior during the day too. How can we make any improvements if we don't critique and evaluate our current behavior and "performance" on a daily basis? I know that I always have "room for improvement!"
HS_DUDE...Good luck on your quest to "open-up" more!.. Did you see the movie "About Schmidt" with Jack Nickelson? The husband in the movie kept most things "inside." This was the way that he felt he was supposed to "act" as a man and husband and father..My Dad wasn't as "silent" as "Schmidt" was in the movie. But I always felt sad that my Dad didn't "open-up" more so I would have had a better chance to get to "know him" before it was too late and he died...My Dad wasn't a "nothing" or inconsequential in my eyes! I had his genes inside of me and his blood running through me too! My Dad was just as important to me as my Mother was! And I "longed" to get to know all I could about my Dad too!...I didn't want my Dad to be a "stick-figure" standing in the background behind my Mother...I wanted him to step-up front and take his "rightful place" and "open-up" so I could get to know him better!
An old book but a good read by Christopher Lasch "The Minimal Self" It gives complex coping strategies in a heartless world. It gives some of the coping/survival strategies the Jews used during the holocaust. You can't go wrong with Sun Tzu's "Art Of War." Robert Greene wrote a brilliant book "The 33 Strategies Of War." Sometimes as a man, you need to be a strategist to feel good about yourself when your relationship with your spouse or significant other is broken.
Intimate Connections by David Burns. I highly recommend this book.
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