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I've never before heard of anyone having this experience. It sounds a little reactive. Like if you knew there was a party, and you could go but weren't obligated to show up, then you'd feel fine with going. It's the "having" to go that makes you bristle. Do I have that right?
Yes, it's fairly accurate.
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Is this really an anxiety? Is the emotional experience of this inability to stay calm one of fear or of frustration?
1) Probably. 2) Yes, very true. Both ,but more frustration than fear.
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What are you afraid will happen if you agree to future plans? Are you afraid that there will be something better you could be doing instead, but that you'll miss out because you've already made plans with someone else?
I have a habit of wanting to pursue my free time in a fairly unstructured way or else it induces anxiety.
Intuitively, think of a desire, say, to spend all Saturday doing "whatever". And having something scheduled on Saturday makes it impossible to be in the mindset to "do whatever" that day because something mandatory is scheduled that day.
Now, if I get a call from someone while in the middle of "doing whatever" to come to a party, help them with some work ,etc., it doesn't cause much anxiety and I can stop what I'm doing and get there. But if they call in advance saying they need me to come that particular day and time, then between now and then, I'll be under a little more anxiety than usual.
You can't use logic to try to understand "irrational" fears (they are not really irrational - there is a reason for them - but they are EMOTIONAL REACTIONS caused by triggers - and the person may not be conscious of the root causes - so hence they may appear to be "irrational" to those who don't have that particular issue).
2) Yes, very true. Both ,but more frustration than fear.
I have a habit of wanting to pursue my free time in a fairly unstructured way or else it induces anxiety.
Intuitively, think of a desire, say, to spend all Saturday doing "whatever". And having something scheduled on Saturday makes it impossible to be in the mindset to "do whatever" that day because something mandatory is scheduled that day.
Now, if I get a call from someone while in the middle of "doing whatever" to come to a party, help them with some work ,etc., it doesn't cause much anxiety and I can stop what I'm doing and get there. But if they call in advance saying they need me to come that particular day and time, then between now and then, I'll be under a little more anxiety than usual.
Your saying that you feel more frustrated than afraid when you have something scheduled is what makes me think this is less anxiety and more something else. Anxiety is an outgrowth of fear; it's fear of harm from a non-specific or remote threat. What are you afraid will happen if you can't "do whatever" in your day?
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Originally Posted by imcurious
You can't use logic to try to understand "irrational" fears (they are not really irrational - there is a reason for them - but they are EMOTIONAL REACTIONS caused by triggers - and the person may not be conscious of the root causes - so hence they may appear to be "irrational" to those who don't have that particular issue).
Fears can't be eliminated by logic. But you certainly can use logic to understand fears, both rational and irrational; that's rather part of what psychology is. It uses logic and scientific experimentation to understand human behavior and thinking, including emotions like fear and anxiety.
Anxiety is an outgrowth of fear; it's fear of harm from a non-specific or remote threat. What are you afraid will happen if you can't "do whatever" in your day?
Fears can't be eliminated by logic. But you certainly can use logic to understand fears, both rational and irrational; that's rather part of what psychology is. It uses logic and scientific experimentation to understand human behavior and thinking, including emotios like fear and anxiety.
Lay people on this forum are attempting to use logic to understand fears and emotions - and they don't understand why they can't grasp the experiences of other people - it's an abstract concept to them - apparently they have not studied psychology.
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Originally Posted by RockJock1729
I've never before heard of anyone having this experience. It sounds a little reactive. Like if you knew there was a party, and you could go but weren't obligated to show up, then you'd feel fine with going. It's the "having" to go that makes you bristle. Do I have that right?
Is this really an anxiety? Is the emotional experience of this inability to stay calm one of fear or of frustration?
What are you afraid will happen if you agree to future plans? Are you afraid that there will be something better you could be doing instead, but that you'll miss out because you've already made plans with someone else?
I don't think anyone has said that it isn't real, just unusual or hard for them to understand.
Funny you say that...personally sometimes I actually prefer events where I'm obligated to go. Since I can be extremely indecisive I often to and fro deciding whether to go or not. It seems half of me wants to go (to get out, catch up with people, not be stuck at home) but the other half just wants to withdraw from people (a bit of social anxiety, laziness). I often prefer decisions to be made for me so I don't have to feel regretful/guilty as the burden of the decision is not on me.
Before we revisit this "disorder", let's reframe things a little bit..
Instead of thinking of it as a "fear" of scheduling, think of it as an "addiction" to free and unstructured time.
When work and sleep are subtracted, I naturally prefer to have as much unstructured time as possible.. I could be doing something productive with the time but I have a hard time psychologically dealing with it if unstructured time is given up.
I don't care if you wish to call it an "anxiety", a "fear", a "phobia",whatever.. it IS a problem with no known solution (yet).
Before we revisit this "disorder", let's reframe things a little bit..
Instead of thinking of it as a "fear" of scheduling, think of it as an "addiction" to free and unstructured time.
When work and sleep are subtracted, I naturally prefer to have as much unstructured time as possible.. I could be doing something productive with the time but I have a hard time psychologically dealing with it if unstructured time is given up.
I don't care if you wish to call it an "anxiety", a "fear", a "phobia",whatever.. it IS a problem with no known solution (yet).
Except that you're not showing addiction behavior. You are, however, showing reactivity and avoidance behaviors.
You can call a cat a cake. That doesn't mean you should slather it in frosting, cut it in pieces and serve it at your kid's birthday party.
And trying to "reframe" how your situation is described is just another form of avoidance behavior. Instead of taking in how other people characterize your behavior and letting that change your perspective, you now try to control how they see it in order to avoid dealing with the anxiety you have. Because the number one most successful way of dealing with an anxiety is exposure--facing the fear rather than avoiding it. So your anxiety has a (potential) solution...provided you accept how others describe your problem instead of trying to control how they describe it.
Like a lot of people, I, too, do not relish the dreaded Dr. appointment. For me, though, it isn't so much any sort of anxiety, or phobia, but the fact I can be 15 minutes early and still have to wait 15-30 minutes past my scheduled appointment time to see the physician. It's the fact me, and my time are controlled by someone else. Parties aren't a problem since where we live, now, we hardly know anyone, and we aren't big on gatherings such as that, so we would probably bow out if invited anyway. That solves the anxiety problem about parties, and such, for us, anyway.
Yes! I try to schedule appointments in the morning.
When I was a kid I hated giving oral presentations in school. So I would always sign up to be first in line. Fortunately I don't mind public speaking as much anymore. (Not that I give speeches or anything.)
The OP really range true with me. I really like doing things, I am generally extroverted and I stay busy, but even committing to something fun and social makes me uncomfortable. If I have something scheduled at 6pm I feel like it sort of ruins my whole day. Hard to explain and pretty irrational. And of course I hate making hotel reservations and booking flights
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