Late in life lesbian? Does it happen? Read the story. (men, dating)
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I know a woman who initially seemed to be the epitome of cool, but I came to realize she is quite angry and two-faced. I am NOT interested in her, to clear things up. I knew her through work.
One day, she received a phone call that her otherwise healthy husband was in ER with a spontaneous cardiac issue from which he quickly died. After this, she really changed. Birkenstocks, tye-dye socks, hippy-dippy events instead of cultural ones, a Subaru, a lot of camping and travel with lady friends, and nothing that demonstrates an interest in men. She has kids and I believe she is even a grandmother.
I really wonder if she has starting batting for the other team. I think this was a trauma that she actually handled worse than she lets on. Does this happen? Meredith Baxter, the actress, decided she had a late in life "revelation." What's the deal?
I know a woman who initially seemed to be the epitome of cool, but I came to realize she is quite angry and two-faced. I am NOT interested in her, to clear things up. I knew her through work.
One day, she received a phone call that her otherwise healthy husband was in ER with a spontaneous cardiac issue from which he quickly died. After this, she really changed. Birkenstocks, tye-dye socks, hippy-dippy events instead of cultural ones, a Subaru, a lot of camping and travel with lady friends, and nothing that demonstrates an interest in men. She has kids and I believe she is even a grandmother.
I really wonder if she has starting batting for the other team. I think this was a trauma that she actually handled worse than she lets on. Does this happen? Meredith Baxter, the actress, decided she had a late in life "revelation." What's the deal?
I don't know, but I wonder about something. There are a lot of us out there--women in our fifties and up, who have become painfully aware that there is no one for us and never will be. I was divorced at 43, and naturally I hoped I would have a chance at love in life, but it was not to be. I married a loser in the first place because I wanted badly to be married and have children (I got to have one, for which I am supremely grateful--she turned out well) but I had very few--actually pretty much zero--chances with men other than the alcoholic loser I ended up with.
I will be 54 next week. For the most part, I'm OK--it's Saturday night and I'm sitting here on City-Data and then I'll go read for a while, but sometimes, no matter how hard I try to pretend I don't care, it gets to me and I think it would be nice to have a person in my life to go out and have a drink with, or dinner with, or see a movie with, or even watch TV and sit home and cook for. I do all those things alone. Hell, I went for a walk on the beach in the rain today alone! I won't let being alone keep me from doing stuff.
Again, we are legion, we older women who have no men and no chance to meet one. Most men our age are married or otherwise attached and we outnumber them greatly. Those of us who were never pretty or desirable in our younger days are well aware that we aren't in the running to even attract one of the few men who are available. Oh, I know I could go down to the local bar and probably find someone who needs financial support and who drinks himself into oblivion regularly, but I'm not doing that again. I'm just not.
So, do some of the other women who are like me become SO lonely that they decide to give their love to another woman because that is the only option left? I think it's possible. I cannot see it for myself, but I do think that is what happens sometimes. It is hard, and the sadness can come on without warning. Life has slipped away, the remaining years are short, and you feel as though you never got to experience something--what it feels like to be loved by another human being--that others have taken for granted as their due, even multiple times. It's not impossible to believe that someone will "bat for the other team" if it means they get that chance to find out what love feels like before they die.
I know a woman who initially seemed to be the epitome of cool, but I came to realize she is quite angry and two-faced. I am NOT interested in her, to clear things up. I knew her through work.
One day, she received a phone call that her otherwise healthy husband was in ER with a spontaneous cardiac issue from which he quickly died. After this, she really changed. Birkenstocks, tye-dye socks, hippy-dippy events instead of cultural ones, a Subaru, a lot of camping and travel with lady friends, and nothing that demonstrates an interest in men. She has kids and I believe she is even a grandmother.
I really wonder if she has starting batting for the other team. I think this was a trauma that she actually handled worse than she lets on. Does this happen? Meredith Baxter, the actress, decided she had a late in life "revelation." What's the deal?
Trauma or not, people do not change from heterosexual to homosexual in the flash of an eye. The thoughts were always there, and when she saw herself free to act on them openly, she grab the opportunity....she may have been acting on them most of her life, quietly. I have reason to believe that your friend was a closeted-gay woman, at heart.
And as far as Meredith Baxter, she was a closeted- gay woman all along, she just was not able to come out many years' ago, because it was not fashionable, and she would have lost her career. However, Hollywood has changed all of that, now. Look how much Ellen DeGeneres lost for coming out at the wrong time....
It makes me wonder when I see a religion that tries to change a person from a homosexual to a heterosexual......it never works. I have reason to belief that there is a genetic component to homosexuality........it is more than just a "lifestyle." Once a homosexual ALWAYS a homosexual.
I think that every human being has the right to do with their life whatever is conducive for them to do, and if they decide to act on their repressed feelings......more power to them, as long as noone gets hurt.
I know a woman who initially seemed to be the epitome of cool, but I came to realize she is quite angry and two-faced. I am NOT interested in her, to clear things up. I knew her through work.
One day, she received a phone call that her otherwise healthy husband was in ER with a spontaneous cardiac issue from which he quickly died. After this, she really changed. Birkenstocks, tye-dye socks, hippy-dippy events instead of cultural ones, a Subaru, a lot of camping and travel with lady friends, and nothing that demonstrates an interest in men. She has kids and I believe she is even a grandmother.
I really wonder if she has starting batting for the other team. I think this was a trauma that she actually handled worse than she lets on. Does this happen? Meredith Baxter, the actress, decided she had a late in life "revelation." What's the deal?
She still sounds cool You say that there's nothing to demonstrate an interest in men, but quite frankly, I also don't see anything that you've described that demonstrates an interest in a relationship with women. Perhaps the change in personality is mid life or post traumatic stress crisis. Perhaps she was suppressing who she really was all the years she was married. Could be lots of things. I do work with a woman who was married to a man for years, divorced, and has since been in long term relationships with women. Either way, I'd encourage you to keep and open mind and not box someone in to a stereotype simply because of a lifestyle change.
Last edited by notdeconcentrate; 07-28-2012 at 09:52 PM..
Reason: spelling
Someone I'll never see again. She is not at all cool. In a medium-sized company, she was inaccurate in a sexual harassment inquiry where management was seeking to "protect" someone who should have been dismissed. I have no respect for her. But I bring up the question because it's something I noticed prior to this event...that is, the "tilt" toward being less traditionally feminine and less invested in being attractive.
Good for her. She wouldn't be attractive in an evening gown, so I guess the Birkenstocks and tye-dye are a better investment.
Maybe you should read the whole thread. I started out by saying I wasn't attracted to her.
I did read your post and I saw that you are/were not attracted to her. You also stated that after her husband died she started wearing birkenstocks and tye-dye and driving a Subaru and camping with women.
All I am saying is maybe she is comfortable with who she is. You said she wouldn't be attractive in an evening gown. What would you have her do to be more attractive to men? Do you think her happiness is tied to being attractive to men? Maybe that is not important to her. I don't think that means she is a lesbian...
Last edited by Charlotteborn; 07-28-2012 at 11:27 PM..
I think it can happen for various reasons, but just from my own observations of people/relationships, here is my opinion: I think a big reason is that women get married, have kids, and spend their lives taking care of their husband and children. Lots of men are not very in tune with their wives emotionally and the wife feels lonely, especially after the kids are raised and she doesn't have that to take up her time. If the original post the husband died, but I think sometimes if the husband is still alive the wife feels dissatisfied and divorces him, and eventually finds companionship with someone more in tune with her, which often happens to be another woman and not a man. Doesn't it seem that a lot of women stay until the kids are gone, and then somewhere in their 50s or so decide they are done? I just think they get tired of being married but feeling alone.
Also, I think there is some validity to what Mightyqueen801 said. I say this because of talks I had with a college roommate of mine years ago. I have always been heterosexual but we were friends and roommates and would talk about everything. She played college basketball. She would go out with guys occasionally. She told me once that she could see why girls who play sports might end up being lesbians because sometimes they weren't as physically attractive as other girls, and were not as feminine, and guys weren't really interested in girls like that. She hypothesized that out of wanting to be loved by someone, they would end up being lesbians. She also said once that she wonder if she might be gay. But at the time that I knew her she didn't openly admit to being a lesbian and she wasn't with any women. She was dating guys, but just never seemed to like any of them too much. I haven't kept in touch with her since college but I think she did go on to be a lesbian or to come out if she already was a lesbian.
It's none of your business how she chooses to live her life. She's not your Mother or your sister or girlfriend. And who cares if she is a lesbian or not, what bearing does that have on anything?
Maybe you should concentrate on being the best person you can be and leave other people alone. It just makes you look sanctimonious and judgmental, two very ugly qualities in a person.
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You say that there's nothing to demonstrate an interest in men, but quite frankly, I also don't see anything that you've described that demonstrates an interest in a relationship with women. Perhaps the change in personality is mid life or post traumatic stress crisis. Perhaps she was suppressing who she really was all the years she was married. Could be lots of things. I do work with a woman who was married to a man for years, divorced, and has since been in long term relationships with women. Either way, I'd encourage you to keep and open mind and not box someone in to a stereotype simply because of a lifestyle change.
