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I know someone who is a great guy. Oh, he has his faults, just like everyone. But even his faults are subjective. (Some may see them as strengths, who knows?) He has a lot of friends, he's a very happy person. Has a reputation as a kind, gentle man; everyone's friend.
Well, he has a best friend of 16 years who is a happy person too... a happy a-hole!
And he's got a reputation as one. People are quite split down the middle with him. He's got a lot of friends too. But for everyone who likes him and will make excuses for him, there are just as many people who see him for the jerk he is. He's rude, abrasive sometimes, just doesn't have manners.
The kind and gentle guy has seen his friend be an a-hole many times first-hand.
What do you think that says about him? Should people be judged by the company they keep? Do you think that says something about the kind and gentle guy? That maybe it says a little something about his character that he always overlooks his a-hole friend's behavior and gives him the benefit of the doubt?
It depends.
One of our dearest friends, Ken, is a character. He has anger issues, and goes on tirades verbally. He throws things. My husband is the only person that can work with him, they are handymen, but if the job goes too long hubby can't deal with him either. Yet, the guy is an awesome chef, very kind to down n outs, would give you his last dime if you needed it, and loves animals. The positives outweigh the negatives. We love him, but just can't be around him too much. His wife works a lot, I think she just wants to get out of the house. iow he's a big softie, but a blowhard.
In general terms, without reference to the situation at hand, this phenomenon is operative.
Just like in HS and college, one is judged as an adult by the company they keep. Moreover, a person is additionally judged by "What can you do for me?"
If you want true friends, stay away from the popular clique that everybody wants into. They are generally mean and snooty. I was often the new kid, trying to fit in. I chose carefully, and tried to pick the nice kids that were trustworthy. They usually were not the popular ones. That didn't matter to me.
I once chose the fat girl, she was really sweet. If they put me down for hanging with her, that's their problem and their loss.
If you want true friends, stay away from the popular clique that everybody wants into. They are generally mean and snooty. I was often the new kid, trying to fit in. I chose carefully, and tried to pick the nice kids that were trustworthy. They usually were not the popular ones. That didn't matter to me.
I once chose the fat girl, she was really sweet. If they put me down for hanging with her, that's their problem and their loss.
I totally agree. The B-list groups with nice people make for much better friends than do the A-list groups, because being on the A-list is EVERYTHING that those people are about.
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