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I also had a fear of flying and wouldn't fly for many years. My spouse never once tried to change my mind. I don't think it would have make a difference one way or another. It's something I needed to decide.
Here is something that helped me. By chance.
I stayed in a hotel that abutted an airport. Stayed there about 30 different days/nights for work. The takeoff runway was right behind the pool. I would stand at the end of the pool/patio area and watch the large jets taxi right up to where they would rev the engines into high gear and hit the pedal to the metal and speed down the runway to take off. The thunder/rumble of the gets was awesome and so powerful. It would rumble through your feet and into your whole body. I was so close the the planes that I could see the pilot's faces through the windshield. So every night after work I would go to the pool and watch these planes take off. It was entertainment. And such an adrenaline rush.
Then I was able to eventually visualize myself sitting in the plane as it was taking off. It took another 2 years before I finally got the guts to fly. I stressed about it from the time I booked the ticket. But in my brain I decided "I can do this". And I did. Now I am over the fear and recently booked another flight. This time I am not even stressed one bit.
See if you can find a hotel that abutts a runway, but it needs to be for big commercial jets. You need to check it out and see if you have a good visual of the planes taking off. I think it might help your wife. Or find an area near an airport where you can park and watch the planes take off. Some large airports might have areas where people park and watch planes land/take off just for fun.
If you want to travel you might have to fly and allow your wife to take the train. Or take the train with her. She will be the one that decides if/when she is ready to fly. It might be never.
I hope you try the hotel thing. Even if she doesn't ever fly, you will both enjoy it.
I also had a fear of flying and wouldn't fly for many years. My spouse never once tried to change my mind. I don't think it would have make a difference one way or another. It's something I needed to decide.
Here is something that helped me. By chance.
I stayed in a hotel that abutted an airport. Stayed there about 30 different days/nights for work. The takeoff runway was right behind the pool. I would stand at the end of the pool/patio area and watch the large jets taxi right up to where they would rev the engines into high gear and hit the pedal to the metal and speed down the runway to take off. The thunder/rumble of the gets was awesome and so powerful. It would rumble through your feet and into your whole body. I was so close the the planes that I could see the pilot's faces through the windshield. So every night after work I would go to the pool and watch these planes take off. It was entertainment. And such an adrenaline rush.
Then I was able to eventually visualize myself sitting in the plane as it was taking off. It took another 2 years before I finally got the guts to fly. I stressed about it from the time I booked the ticket. But in my brain I decided "I can do this". And I did. Now I am over the fear and recently booked another flight. This time I am not even stressed one bit.
See if you can find a hotel that abutts a runway, but it needs to be for big commercial jets. You need to check it out and see if you have a good visual of the planes taking off. I think it might help your wife. Or find an area near an airport where you can park and watch the planes take off. Some large airports might have areas where people park and watch planes land/take off just for fun.
If you want to travel you might have to fly and allow your wife to take the train. Or take the train with her. She will be the one that decides if/when she is ready to fly. It might be never.
I hope you try the hotel thing. Even if she doesn't ever fly, you will both enjoy it.
Her taking the train is not a option, a 3 or 4 day trip to get to Florida is ridiculous and I won't allow it. Also I am not afraid of flying , but I don't want to go alone, I would feel better if she was there. I need some way to force her to fly. We have not been on vacation for 12 years becasue of this.
Her taking the train is not a option, a 3 or 4 day trip to get to Florida is ridiculous and I won't allow it. Also I am not afraid of flying , but I don't want to go alone, I would feel better if she was there. I need some way to force her to fly. We have not been on vacation for 12 years becasue of this.
OK, where to start breaking this post apart. Lots of good stuff in two lines.
#1 - "I won't allow it"; OK man, you have some control issues you need to look at. This sounds a bit self-centred.
#2 - "I would feel better if she was there"; so it's not about empathising with your wife who has a legitimate (and paralyzing) fear. It's about you, and that you feel better. Good to know.
#3 - "I need some way to force her to fly"; so is this how your marriage works? When she doesn't do what you want, you need to find a way to "force" her? Wow.
#4 - "We have not been on vacation for 12 years because of this"; shouldn't this say, "We haven't been on vacation for 12 years to a place where I wanted to go because of this?"
I typically try to be respectful when dealing with folks on C-D....there's enough incivility in the rest of the world. So, we'll give it one last try, though this last post was very revealing of who you are.
Google maps - driving from NYC to Orlando. 1,074 miles, roughly 16 hours.
Driving to the airport, going through security, being there two hours early, fighting with the passengers to get luggage, assuming no delays whatsoever, flight time 3 hours, plus time to get the rental car. I'm thinking minimum 7 hours, likely closer to 8.
Even if we say 7 hours, are you willing to absolutely ruin your wife's vacation for a maximum of 18 hours (9 each way)? And you see no way that you can make a road trip fun or interesting in any way, to make the 9 hours look like a great time investment not a chore?
If I fly somewhere with my family, I hate it, but I am the one who chooses to do it. My wife does not "force" me, and neither of us "do not allow" the other to discuss the terms of where we go and how we get there.
Last edited by ScooterMcTavish; 01-20-2014 at 12:50 PM..
Reason: Typo and unclear sentence
OK, where to start breaking this post apart. Lots of good stuff in two lines.
#1 - "I won't allow it"; OK man, you have some control issues you need to look at. This sounds a bit self-centred.
#2 - "I would feel better if she was there"; so it's not about empathising with your wife who has a legitimate (and paralyzing) fear. It's about you, and that you feel better. Good to know.
#3 - "I need some way to force her to fly"; so is this how your marriage works? When she doesn't do what you want, you need to find a way to "force" her? Wow.
#4 - "We have not been on vacation for 12 years because of this"; shouldn't this say, "We haven't been on vacation for 12 years to a place where I wanted to go because of this?"
I typically try to be respectful when dealing with folks on C-D....there's enough incivility in the rest of the world. So, we'll give it one last try, though this last post was very revealing of who you are.
Google maps - driving from NYC to Orlando. 1,074 miles, roughly 16 hours.
Driving to the airport, going through security, being there two hours early, fighting with the passengers to get luggage, assuming no delays whatsoever, flight time 3 hours, plus time to get the rental car. I'm thinking minimum 7 hours, likely closer to 8.
Even if we say 7 hours, are you willing to absolutely ruin your wife's vacation for a maximum of 18 hours (9 each way)? And you see no way that you can make a road trip fun or interesting in any way, to make the 9 hours look like a great time investment not a chore?
If I fly somewhere with my family, I hate it, but I am the one who chooses to do it. My wife does not "force" me, and neither of us "do not allow" the other to discuss the terms of where we go and how we get there.
Absolutely, positively brilliant analysis......well said, Sir
After reading the various posting/opinions, I'll stick with my original comment:
Unless you want to drag her onto a plane, kicking and screaming. . . best to either take the train or drive. Why make her miserable? And then you'd both be miserable.
Plus, from the OP's comments, I'm seeing too much of his "I, Me, My" attitude.
Would like to hear what his wife has to say on this subject; perhaps she'd be ecstatic if he went on vacation by himself and gave her a break.
OK, where to start breaking this post apart. Lots of good stuff in two lines.
#1 - "I won't allow it"; OK man, you have some control issues you need to look at. This sounds a bit self-centred.
#2 - "I would feel better if she was there"; so it's not about empathising with your wife who has a legitimate (and paralyzing) fear. It's about you, and that you feel better. Good to know.
#3 - "I need some way to force her to fly"; so is this how your marriage works? When she doesn't do what you want, you need to find a way to "force" her? Wow.
#4 - "We have not been on vacation for 12 years because of this"; shouldn't this say, "We haven't been on vacation for 12 years to a place where I wanted to go because of this?"
I typically try to be respectful when dealing with folks on C-D....there's enough incivility in the rest of the world. So, we'll give it one last try, though this last post was very revealing of who you are.
Google maps - driving from NYC to Orlando. 1,074 miles, roughly 16 hours.
Driving to the airport, going through security, being there two hours early, fighting with the passengers to get luggage, assuming no delays whatsoever, flight time 3 hours, plus time to get the rental car. I'm thinking minimum 7 hours, likely closer to 8.
Even if we say 7 hours, are you willing to absolutely ruin your wife's vacation for a maximum of 18 hours (9 each way)? And you see no way that you can make a road trip fun or interesting in any way, to make the 9 hours look like a great time investment not a chore?
If I fly somewhere with my family, I hate it, but I am the one who chooses to do it. My wife does not "force" me, and neither of us "do not allow" the other to discuss the terms of where we go and how we get there.
No we literately have not gone ANYWHERE on vacation for 12 years. Also I live in rochester not nyc and I want to go to miami not tampa, the train ride is 3-4 days.
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