Going out alone as a woman? Is this weird? (girlfriend, issues, men)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I go out by myself all the time. I'm 37 now, but I was doing it from the time I got my driver's license. I used to bring a book or a notebook to write in, but now I bring my iPad and can do pretty much anything with that. Sometimes I'll sit at the bar, sometims I'll get a table. I'm not sure why you would be self-conscious about this.
One of my best evenings for "going out alone" happened several years ago after a major deadline passed. It was a cold winter night, and went up to my favorite "historical" river town along the Delaware (was still living in Jersey then). I got some cocoa, crossed the bridge to the PA side of the river, browsed my favorite bookstore for an hour and then went and grabbed a beer and a steak at a restaurant I'd been wanting to try. I was the only patron that night, so I just read my book, ate my steak and sipped my beer for as long as I liked. Chatted with the waiter a bit. Paid the bill and then wandered back to my car after admiring the clear night sky for a while.
Everything was just perfect, and it was such a great way to soothe my jangled nerves after so much stress.
It never seemed fair to me that men could go to bars alone and no one took notice. A woman alone might still cause a raised eyebrow, but so what? There is no reason not to go out alone. Just need to pay attention to personal safety. If you go to the same place a few times, you'll become known to the regulars and then it's very easy.
So my question is, is it weird for a 26/27 year old woman to be going out alone? For instance, going to bars, lounges, poetry nights, exploring the city, movies, out to eat, etc? I feel like it's kind of pathetic and I'm embarrassed about it honestly, but I don't know how to make friends in this city, outside of work. I'm going back to school next year so I'm hoping I will make friends then, but in the meantime I want to do things that I like to do.
No, not at all but here are some tips and suggestions (man's input):
Learn as much about the areas you are going to be in for safety reasons, do your due diligence i.e. reconnaissance also if you can. Be aware of your surroundings and take some basic self defense / awareness type training if you haven't done so already. Local martial arts type places and some municipalities rec programs offer some very inexpensively and you may meet someone there.
Some environments are more easily experienced solo. As I was never a bar / lounge hangout type, I reiterate Fran66 advice: Be aware and discerning of your environment at all times. The few times right after college I went to bar type venues I realized it wasn't my thing and the environment was prone to 'people mostly on parade'. Then again, there are so many niches in that type of establishment I'm sure you can find some you'll enjoy if that is your thing.
The poetry nights, exploring the city, movies and eating out are easy. I used to travel extensively for some jobs and had free time and it was great. As still fairly new to the city, you should have great time. Depending on what you like, a few things I recall from my trips there - don't miss the cultural sights (especially the Art Museum, you can spend days enjoying it). If you like architecture there is lots to enjoy.
For eating out I also advise to take reading material, try to go slightly off peak hours. It makes it easier on staff as many establishments will tend to put solo diners during peak hours on low priority. If you do go at peak hours, pretend you are a traveler and be forward and proactive with your orders as it will make things go better. They are more apt to expedite your order if you seem in hurry and know what you want (for example, place order at first greeting if you have chance to check menus out online before).
Other things to potentially meet people of like interests would be "meetup" type events, perhaps a walking tour of the city, etc... You reminded me of an exceptional woman your age who did some work for me when I met two years ago who - last I knew - is in Philadelphia and in school. Best of luck and enjoy the city's rich history in safety.
You need to remember that this is 2014. When you go out alone, if you feel uncomfortable, all you need to do is grab your phone and stare at it. You will look like everyone else. Problem solved.
Maybe it's abnormal. Who the hell cares though? Lots of things considered normal are totally crazy. People who watch reality TV, for example. You go out, enjoy yourself, talk to people if you want to. It's your life. I think it's fine.
I moved to the east coast last January(so a year ago) and I do not have any *female* friends. I've always enjoyed friendships with woman, and up until the last few years, 98% of if I'm but I don't know how to make friends in this city, outside of work. I'm going back to school next year so I'm hoping I will make friends then, but in the meantime I want to do things that I like to do.
First off, nobody goes to bars alone anymore. That labels you right off the bat as some "wierdo" (I know this personally; I'm from the days when a woman alone in a bar was a prostitute; but today its even worse; alone in a bar means girls out for a f*ck or a gay guy looking for a man to do - that's just the way it is). So, skip the bars. Bars today are strictly buddies substituting the bar for their family room. Alone, you are an intruder.
Poetry night and seeing the sights (things that interest you) will be the best use of your time. You can go to things like the art museum, library, poetry night (yuck) or other things by yourself. You will most likely be able to meet someone with mutual tastes and interests in places like that. Join clubs (easy to find these in metro papers etc) or do something like a night class in some subject of interest. Just remember to be open to social interaction. Don't purse those lips and close off. I have a feeling that may be part of your problem. You don't have to pick your skirt up for anyone, but you do have to be sociable. Everything starts somewhere...even for decent people.
If you're comfortable in going out alone, then do it, just choose wisely where you go! I would stick more to the bar/grill type establishments than a club.
Having said that, get involved in something that interests you and I bet you'll find some friends of either sex. Volunteer with an animal shelter, hospital, food kitchen, reading to kids at a school... whatever floats your boat. Most likely you'll have at least one common link with others there if you all enjoy the cause.
In Miami I had noone to go out with, so I would sit at the bars vs a table and sooner or later be another female to sit an talk with- I made alot of frends that way and then we'd meet up as NOT to be alone at the next place we'd venture out to...We mostly drove ourselves, I also tried to met n greet through intenet,,, back when there was chat rooms per city,,, that didn't wrk as good, but go to a place that is safe and you feel comfortable- after one good drink you start talkign anyhow, and I think that still works, except in Tampa. Here adults don't go anywhere and they are very closed minded. Oh that was when I was younger bla bla
When I was your age I moved from the east coast to the west coast and went out alone all the time. I also took community college classes in my free time where I formed some great friendships with other females. Even now that I have a boyfriend I've gone to a bar by myself, and I actually make female friends because it's easy to talk to other women at a bar, in my opinion!
I would have had a much harder time making friends if I was moving from the west coast to the east coast though. I find that people on the west coast are really open and love talking to strangers. When I lived on the east coast I had trouble making friends because people were cold and didn't want to "let anyone in" I encourage you to go out! I'm sure you'll meet plenty of nice people.
Philly. And thanks! I just wasnt sure. The few times I've been out with my guy friends I don't recall seeing a woman at a bar, etc by herself in my age range. Just didnt want to look as pathetic as I feel. Lol
In the past 25 years that I have hung around Center City Philly and nearby areas (Art Museum, Queen Village), there are lots and lots of young women out alone. I've seen almost more women out alone than men out alone.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
