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I'm not sure if this the right forum, but here goes. My question is, have men lost social freedom due to homophobia? I ask because growing up in the 1980s and early 1990s, men had more freedom of dress, could say another man was handsome or good looking without it being taken in a gay way, and other areas. Then, the long and baggy clothing became the only way for men to dress, it seems like now if a guy listens to certain kinds of music or otherwise doesn't fit the image of a macho male, his sexuality is often questioned. As a straight male who doesn't always fit the societal standard for what is hypermasculine, I have found myself answering "no" many times to the question if I am gay or not. I heard that there was a back lash toward the emerging Gay Rights Movement of the 1980s that lead to a lot of what I'm talking about. Is that the case, or is it something else or more than that. I mean no offense to anyone and I ask for respectful replies only.
I'll tell you, being a fairly good looking man when I was younger, then getting to be older and not being so good looking, has taught me a few things!
One is that a lot of so called "straight" guys seemed to be quite interested to know if I was gay or not when I was younger...
...and now no one asks if I am gay or not.
Based on my observations, I would conclude that you are young and good looking (thus their interest)!
Another thing I noticed is that men used to "look at me" [in a certain way] quite a bit when I was shopping in stores (when I was younger and better looking), now they don't!
I guess the thing to do is make yourself look "ugly" and see if they no longer are so concerned if you are gay or not - and if men then stop looking at you in stores (assuming they do now).
As for these guys so concerned about your sexuality, ask them why they are so concerned about your sexual interests!
I'm not sure if this the right forum, but here goes. My question is, have men lost social freedom due to homophobia? I ask because growing up in the 1980s and early 1990s, men had more freedom of dress, could say another man was handsome or good looking without it being taken in a gay way, and other areas. Then, the long and baggy clothing became the only way for men to dress, it seems like now if a guy listens to certain kinds of music or otherwise doesn't fit the image of a macho male, his sexuality is often questioned. As a straight male who doesn't always fit the societal standard for what is hypermasculine, I have found myself answering "no" many times to the question if I am gay or not. I heard that there was a back lash toward the emerging Gay Rights Movement of the 1980s that lead to a lot of what I'm talking about. Is that the case, or is it something else or more than that. I mean no offense to anyone and I ask for respectful replies only.
I believe the opposite. In many circles, straight men are actually more free to compliment another guy on his appearance or listen to certain types of music without being considered "gay". However, this is based upon the mistaken belief that being "gay" is some type of insult to begin with.
The whole "macho" culture is basically an uneducated and emotionally insecure reaction to gay people being more visible these days. If you are straight you are straight -- and it doesn't matter how you dress or what music you listen too--you will not "turn gay". Any guy who hurtles the word "gay" at you as an insult is basically not a person you want to associate with. They've got all kinds of problems and insecurities that they are trying to get you to buy into.
There is indeed a backlash against human rights for gay people these days--but intelligent people aren't concerned about the prospect that gay people can now marry their partners in some states. If a gay guy is interested in you and you aren't interested back--then you deal with that the same way you'd deal with a woman who you aren't interested in.
By the way when I say "you" I mean men in general--not you specifically OP.
I'd almost be willing to bet that those men who asked you the "gay question" were essentially straight. Gay men, and many women, have excellent 'gaydar' -- they always seem to intuitively know when a male is gay.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Working in the San Francisco Bay Area in the 80s, we were exposed to gay co-workers earlier than much of the country. It is far more accepted now than then but we did willingly hire gay employees and in fact found them to be great workers. I remember about 1988 meeting family of our good friends that were visiting from the midwest. The brother was wearing white pants and shoes, and a pastel colored polo shirt. After they left our friends told us everyone had mistaken him for gay because of what he wore, but apparently that was perfectly normal clothing for straight males in his hometown.
I will say that certain stereotypes about gay males and their choices of music and entertainment are mostly true and admitted freely by those we know. For example, being big fans of Cher, Kylie Minogue, and Rosie.
This post reminded of something I've alwys wondered about: The Man Hug.
When I was growing up, no man would EVER hug another guy in greeting. That was defintely a no-no, meant you were a "***," would get you punched out, etc etc. None of my buddies would have done it, fathers didn't do it with their sons or uncles with their nephews, brothers with brothers, or pastors with their congregants. At best it was an arm around the shoulder -- more touching than that meant you were gay. But now a Man Hug is pretty common. I hug my grown son when I see him--something my Dad, who loved me dearly, would never have dreamt of doing--and hug many of my good friends too. Most other guys I know feel free to do the same.
So anybody know when the Man Hug became sort of desexualized? Or why? My thoughts were maybe in sports, like when teams won a championship. Or maybe with the black liberation movement of the 60s, which is when I first became aware of the Man Hug -- when every other black man was a brother. Or was it a gay thing that crept into the culture at some point? Inquiring minds want to know.
This post reminded of something I've alwys wondered about: The Man Hug.
When I was growing up, no man would EVER hug another guy in greeting. That was defintely a no-no, meant you were a "***," would get you punched out, etc etc. None of my buddies would have done it, fathers didn't do it with their sons or uncles with their nephews, brothers with brothers, or pastors with their congregants. At best it was an arm around the shoulder -- more touching than that meant you were gay. But now a Man Hug is pretty common. I hug my grown son when I see him--something my Dad, who loved me dearly, would never have dreamt of doing--and hug many of my good friends too. Most other guys I know feel free to do the same.
So anybody know when the Man Hug became sort of desexualized? Or why? My thoughts were maybe in sports, like when teams won a championship. Or maybe with the black liberation movement of the 60s, which is when I first became aware of the Man Hug -- when every other black man was a brother. Or was it a gay thing that crept into the culture at some point? Inquiring minds want to know.
To me its a camaraderie type of thing. I'll hug my Bros. Whats interesting if I go to hug one of my gay male friends they often act awkward.
I had not noticed the man hug that you are referring to, but it's good that it is accepted. The man hug I have most noticed is the quick embrace with several back slaps, light of course. One other example of what was once mainstream that is now considered gay for males is wearing above the knee shorts. Even though the trend began with Michael Jordan and Hip Hop promoting the longer and baggier clothes that males have had to wear from the 1990s until about two or three years ago, when clothing for males started to retreat from the long and baggy style. Shorts, however, have remained long and baggy and the sight of male legs above the knee is particularly abhorred by women. Why that is I can't understand. I have heard many say that a man wearing short shorts is automatically presumed to be gay.
My female co-workers: I've meeting with a girlfriend tonite after work, or I'm going out with my girlfriends tonite!
Male co-workers: ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????
It'll be one hot day in hell when you hear: I'm going out with my boyfriend tonite!
Let's keep this "straight": I'm going out with one of my buddies tonite!
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