I know this thread is a couple years old, but I stumbled upon it googling stuff about my "fear" of flying...or DREAD/PHOBIA of flying rather.
I read through a good chunk of this entire thread, and I really felt like I could relate to the OP. But, when I came to the end to find that he went on the flight and feels he has conquered his fear...I can't say that I have had the same positive outcome from my experiences.
My husband's parents and siblings, as well as 95% of his relatives, live out of state. For the last 5 and a half years that we have been together, I have traveled with him 1-2 times a year to visit his family. I've been to a variety of airports, been on night flights, day flights, in all kinds of weather, on bigger planes and smaller planes, and had numerous layover flights. The thing is... no matter how much experience I get with flying, and how many "successful" flights I have been on (literally basically every single one... I say basically because there have been a couple instances that have really given me a reason to feel fearful, which I will explain) the phobia does not get better....in fact, it gets INCREASINGLY WORSE.
It is now to the point that I will not be going with my husband out of state for xmas this year. Granted, there are other reasons too....but that is the main one. I think I could deal with the other things if my fear of flying wasn't so out of control.
Not only is it just stressful before the flight and during, however, it ruins the entire trip for me. I feel so stressed out about the flight back, that I end up exhausted from the anxiety the entire trip and have trouble enjoying myself. Usually by the third day or so of each trip, I end up just so exhausted and anxiety ridden that I don't want to do much of anything and am an emotional wreck. This is a large part of why I will not go to xmas this year... I feel like I bring the entire group down with my anxiety when it's supposed to be a happy and fun time.
Like I said, pretty much every flight I have ever been on has been fine. I have been on two flights with some pretty bad turbulence that really shook me up (and had me in tears), but to be honest, the fear of turbulence doesn't have anything at all to do with my fear. It sucks when it's happening, but I do know it's normal, and it doesn't really scar me in any way.
The only other instance I had that really freaked me out on a flight, was that someone had a medical emergency on a flight we were on. It was scary because the flight attendants were frantically running back and forth and the pilot kept calling them. We started rapidly descending....but we were not told what was happening. They did not explain it was a medical emergency until very shortly before we landed. So I was sitting there thinking the fricken thing was crashing or running out of gas or who knows! I was, of course, sad for the woman who had the emergency...but I was relieved to find out we weren't doomed.
Nonetheless, although that was a very scary experience, that too, does not factor into my fear. The fear just exists... regardless. It isn't made better by any of the "good" experiences I have had... or worse by anything EXCEPT the fact that I have continued to fly.
Yes. That's right. The simple fact that I have flown more and more makes it WORSE...because it feels like my chances of something horrible happening are increasing.
Other than that, the number of factors that DO play into my fears increase, and literally for NO reason. When my fear began, it was because I became fearful of crashing for some reason. I was usually fine with taking off and landing, but when I was up in the sky I would get nervous, because we were so high up in the sky with no way to escape...it was a long way down if anything happens. I had some claustrophobia going on too...but that's about the extent of my fear when it began.
Then it grew. And, I also became fearful of taking off and landing. Much like the OP said, how he felt like if he got too comfortable, god might be like "jokes on you".... well, I have actually had the idea reinforced. I had a pretty crappy landing experience one time, and it was LITERALLY right after I said to my husband, "cool, we'll be landing soon. I'm good with landing, so I'm happy. I did good."
So now on top of the fears, I have this ridiculous thinking that TRAPS me into the phobia by thinking that if I dare to get comfortable with flying... I will then SURELY experience a plane crash.
I used to laugh at my ex-boyfriend's friend, because he refused to fly because of what happened with 9/11. He was afraid of a terrorist hijacking the plane. I thought it was completely irrational. Yes, it happened, and it was absolutely tragic...but the chances of that happening again? Not likely. And I thought he was silly for using that as a reason not to fly.
Now, here I am, afraid of the same crap. Especially as it seems our political situations get more and more dicey, and the ISIS issues.... Now, I, too, am terrified that I will be involved in some terrorist airplane attack somehow...AND it's ESPECIALLY bad if it's during the holidays...which is the time that we CERTAINLY fly to see my husband's family.
More and more I hate the tight spaces. The lack of nice fresh air. The fears of crashing, plane malfunction, pilot issues, weather... YOU NAME IT....
The problem is that my phobia isn't just rooted in one or two main causes. It's not like, "oh, I'm just afraid because of turbulence or this one bad experience" I'm not just afraid merely of the plane falling out of the sky... I know that scientifically that's highly unlikely EVEN if there is a malfunction because of the way that planes are designed, safety features, etc. I am afraid of every single thing there is to hate and be afraid of when it comes to flying. It's phobia PLUS just absolutely hating every part of the flying experience....the tight spaces, the crazy prices for food/drinks if you want them...the crappy bathroom situation...etc.
Like the OP... none of the most convincing statistics in the world can convince me...because the few times that horrific things do happen... don't make them any less tragic for those who were on those flights. They, too, probably thought they were on a safe flight.
Difference between me and OP is that I HAVE actually struggled with driving anxiety, too. I do have to do a lot of driving now days, due to going to work and school and driving back and forth from one to the other to make it all work. I live about an hour away from school, too. I hate driving over bridges, and when I merge onto the highway, I often have little "flashes" of terrifying imagery and sensations of a deadly car crash. I was in a bad accident when I was younger (I wasn't driving) and it has stuck with me. I have come a REALLY long way in my driving anxiety, though, and sometimes I can honestly say I enjoy driving. But I will never be fully "cured" of it.
Regardless of that difference between me and the OP though... I think the same way that he did. It isn't the fear of death itself that terrifies me. It's HOW it happens. And it seems like a lot of people who have responded don't quite get it. YES, I would rather die from illness or something than in some brutal car crash or plane crash. Why? I don't know...I think it's the intense manner in which it happens. If you die from illness... you can die in a bed, with your friends/family there. There are no crazy loud crashes, explosions, booms, or items crashing into your body or slicing you apart. You aren't plummeting through the sky down to the ground at crazy fast speeds. You aren't being crushed in between pieces of metal... etc...
The WAY in which I die really does impact my fear. It is NOT the fear of death itself. And YES, I know, that some horrifying thing could happen without me expecting it... I get that. But you just can't rationalize that with me, because that's like saying, I might as well smoke cigarettes, since I might just die from something else anyway. You know? If you can rationalize by saying "you could die doing anything" then what would be the point of any of us trying to keep ourselves safe from danger and keeping ourselves as healthy as we can? That's how I look at flying. I am removing a potential risk.
I wish something or someone could convince me differently... I have tried therapy, I have done all kinds of breathing techniques, crossword puzzles and things to keep my mind focused on other things... I have drank alcohol... I have worn comfy clothes, made sure I am prepared... read up on all the facts that are SUPPOSED to help reassure you...I've talked to flight attendants...etc. And it just gets worse. The last few flights, I have literally cried on.
I feel like everyone thinks I am ridiculous and unreasonable for it. And maybe I am! But that doesn't make it go away, and it doesn't make it better for me
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JK
