Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
See, there you go judging! How do you know that someone who is overweight is unhealthy? I mean, you assume that, but unless the person is very obese, how can you assume that he or she is unhealthier than you? You can't know. You just assume, and in assuming, you are being judgmental.
I am not meaning to call you out or shame you; its just that your words really do reflect your inner feelings.
Would you assume that every thin person is anorexic? Or that every gray haired person is old? Or that every old person is foolish and incompetent?
Socially, on the street, etc, it is none of my business.
But when it comes to my work, self-inflicted, damaging, poor habits (morbid obesity, smoking, drinking, drugs, violence, etc) make my job so much harder and much more irritating. It consumes more resources and affects the lives of others in the process.
I'm guilty of this but I don't outright say "you could lose some weight".
I've recently got a new co-worker who is on the heavy side. It's none of my business what his weight it but it's the truth that skinnier and healthier people get more respect.
Socially, on the street, etc, it is none of my business.
But when it comes to my work, self-inflicted, damaging, poor habits (morbid obesity, smoking, drinking, drugs, violence, etc) make my job so much harder and much more irritating. It consumes more resources and affects the lives of others in the process.
It is hard not to comment.
I agree that sometimes you want to say something to someone who seems intent on self harm by food, drink or substance abuse. But honestly you gain nothing by doing so. You will not influence anyone to change by a comment or criticism.
We are discussing people who comment about others' weight though, not the other stuff.
I get the impression that people do it as a put down because putting down others makes them feel superior. There really is no reason to comment at all when you think about it. A fat person knows they're fat and they know why they're fat. Others don't know why someone is in the condition they are but that doesn't stop them from making assumptions.
I recently got over a stomach bug and because I was unable to really eat anything for about a week, I lost about 10 pounds. The day I came back to work I ran into a coworker and she started gushing about how I'd lost weight and looked great. I don't know how great I could have looked, because I was pale with sunken cheeks, etc. She meant well, but it was weird.
Similar thing happened with a coworker who was on medical leave for a few months. We were led to believe that his gall bladder surgery had not gone well and there were complications. As it turned out, he'd had extensive treatments for cancer.
When he returned, a coworker gushed over how thin he looked and how wonderful it must be to be able to shop in "normal" stores. It really was ugly. Finally, he realized she was not going to shut up about it and turned to her and said "Yes, chemo and radiation are wonderful for weight loss!"
Some people just never seem to quit.
Like the two of you above me mentioned, you guys got commented on in regards to being too thin as well.
Seems like some weirdo, in-between muscle tone is the only thing that will keep people from running their mouths now.
Conflict is a never-ending issue with all of us.
Some of us shrug it off, the rest of us pack up and move around like nomads.
I've been working out for 25 years now (since I was about 20) and have enjoyed going to the gym, staying fit, and even the social aspect of the gym. It's like an anti-depressant to me after I'm done with a workout. I'm male, 5'9" and 160 pounds, so I weigh what I should, and have been at that weight as long as I can remember.
Last month I went to a funeral and saw relatives and cousins I haven't seen in 10 - 15 years and 2 cousins, who are probably in the morbid obesity category, said to me, "You're so skinny!". Uh, no, I'm not skinny. To me, that implies unhealthy. Anyway, my guess was they said it to try and make themselves feel better, as if I'm the one who is odd. If they saw me in shorts and a tank top, they would see that I'm obviously muscular. But anyway, I felt like there was some sort of psychological issue with their comments.
I never comment on anyone's weight unless they bring it up. One friend has been losing weight recently and has asked me questions about my diet, what I do at the gym, etc., so I offer advice. Otherwise, it's not my business.
Sometimes you have to assess who is saying it, too. In a lot of Latino cultures, mentioning a weight gain is a fact, not a judgment. My Cuban friend said when she visited her cousins, they were always sure to note out loud if she'd put on weight. Last year at this time I had rapidly put on weight from taking prednisone. A Puerto Rican woman in my office came running over one day with a photo from the previous year's Christmas party, exclaiming within earshot of all,,"Look how much weight you gained since last year!" Yeah I wanted to strangle her, lol, but I knew she wasn't being mean.
I had to explain this to a coworker who came back from maternity leave, too, when another Puerto Rican woman came by and asked about her baby, then said, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight!" then smiled and walked away. The new mother was stunned--I could see it in her face.
Do you live in the US? If so, I'm glad you said something, because culture no excuse. They need to adapt to our sense of etiquette, just as any American should learn any other culture's sense of etiquette when expatriating. I would have said, "Actually, it's considered rude to make comments like that. I know you don't mean to be rude, but someone else may take great offense to you if you comment on their weight like that."
Because hey, someone very well might tell her off next time.
Some people (especially those who are overweight) might be surprised to hear the odd "observations" people make about others. Some that people have said to me about my appearance out of the blue and unsolicited:
- You wear too much eye makeup.
- Your eyebrows are really thin.
- You have a cleft in your chin.
- You look anorexic.
- What is your shirt, rayon?
- What nationality are you?
- You have little eyes.
- You don't smile enough.
- You're really pale.
- Why don't you ever wear skirts?
I think people are just too self-absorbed to think about the effects their comments have on people. It's like, "Thank you for pointing out everything I already hate about myself! I had no idea I had a cleft in my chin!"
So those who are overweight, you are not alone in bearing the brunt of people's stupidity! Take some comfort knowing it's not "personal." It's ignorance.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
