Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
May you all learn something from these support sites. My encounter was with a boyfriend when young, and not understanding, but when I became an adult and started a friendship with him I was knowledgeable and ended that friendship immediately. I was so enlightened, and I then understood why he would always want to breakup and makeup when we were teenagers. He was 14 and I was 13. When he told me he had been married three times, the radar went off, but even after I ended the friendship as adults he married again, and it appears that the marriage did not last long based on what I see on his public FB page. I am not saying that all serial marriages are a result of BPD, but we must be aware of the RED FLAGS! I personally am not built that way to tolerate the behaviors of BPD, Narcissistics, and BULLIES!
Depressing to see you lump BPD sufferers in with Bullies.
I suffer from BPD and have never bullied anyone.
I also don't wreak "cycles of abuse" on my loved ones. My BPD has caused me to isolate myself entirely which is not healthy either.
Maybe I'm one of the luckier or smarter ones. I don't self abuse, never have, which is one reason my diagnosis was so elusive.
At least now I KNOW what's going on when I have an episode, such as I described. Before I would have just hated myself even more, isolated myself even further.
These are signs that someone has borderline PD, if not the strongest signs. Bear in mind Borderline PD is nothing like bipolar disorder. In Borderline PD, the person's whole life is built around his or her abandonment issues -- they constantly test you to make you prove you really care, until you run for your life, whereupon they say "see, nobody cares about me" and starts on someone else. They don't see they are the ones driving everyone away.
I have had far too much experience with this, socially and professionally. The question is, how deeply do you want to go into this with this friend? With borderlines, everything is a life-threatening crisis -- and they really see it that way. If you can find a respectful, supportive way to tell her what you see going on with her, she has a shot at getting herself some real help. If she takes what you're saying as rejection, be ready for some blowback. You're right, they rarely see that they are the ones with the problem. If she is borderline (and not just on drugs or something, which can look a lot like it) she needs dialectical behavior therapy -- it's a specialty therapy just for borderlines. It helps a LOT.
Not EVERYTHING.
BPD's like me have developed the art of Disassociation. We simply don't care. Once that black and white thinking sets in, its unmoveable.
This is not healthy either though. Its like being in a state of watching your own life pass by.
These are signs that someone has borderline PD, if not the strongest signs. Bear in mind Borderline PD is nothing like bipolar disorder. In Borderline PD, the person's whole life is built around his or her abandonment issues -- they constantly test you to make you prove you really care, until you run for your life, whereupon they say "see, nobody cares about me" and starts on someone else. They don't see they are the ones driving everyone away.
I have had far too much experience with this, socially and professionally. The question is, how deeply do you want to go into this with this friend? With borderlines, everything is a life-threatening crisis -- and they really see it that way. If you can find a respectful, supportive way to tell her what you see going on with her, she has a shot at getting herself some real help. If she takes what you're saying as rejection, be ready for some blowback. You're right, they rarely see that they are the ones with the problem. If she is borderline (and not just on drugs or something, which can look a lot like it) she needs dialectical behavior therapy -- it's a specialty therapy just for borderlines. It helps a LOT.
You got it! Life is far to short to deal with these people and there constant shouts that they have it far worse than anybody else in the world! We all know that just isn't true. Good luck to them and maybe they will go to treatment someday or get better. The choice is up to them and how I manage the people around me is MY choice and I choose to live in a nice place now
If she is borderline (and not just on drugs or something, which can look a lot like it) she needs dialectical behavior therapy -- it's a specialty therapy just for borderlines. It helps a LOT.
Just want to mention that yes DBT was originally created by Marsha for the treatment of BPD.
However, since then it has been found to be helpful for many other psychiatric illnesses.
I personally and professionally feel that DBT is an amazing program and something many people without mental health conditions could benefit from the skills it teaches.
Especially mindfulness, which I 100% believe we should be teaching to kids in school. But that's another topic for another thread.
These are signs that someone has borderline PD, if not the strongest signs. Bear in mind Borderline PD is nothing like bipolar disorder. In Borderline PD, the person's whole life is built around his or her abandonment issues -- they constantly test you to make you prove you really care, until you run for your life, whereupon they say "see, nobody cares about me" and starts on someone else. They don't see they are the ones driving everyone away.
I have had far too much experience with this, socially and professionally. The question is, how deeply do you want to go into this with this friend? With borderlines, everything is a life-threatening crisis -- and they really see it that way. If you can find a respectful, supportive way to tell her what you see going on with her, she has a shot at getting herself some real help. If she takes what you're saying as rejection, be ready for some blowback. You're right, they rarely see that they are the ones with the problem. If she is borderline (and not just on drugs or something, which can look a lot like it) she needs dialectical behavior therapy -- it's a specialty therapy just for borderlines. It helps a LOT.
BBM~~
This to me is a "Hallmark" of this disorder. These folks constantly turn tables on you and force YOU to prove you care..or Love them etc... I will take no part in that game.
It boggles my mind how some put up with it ( especially if it's just a friendship) but it's so much more harmful in any committed relationship where children are concerned. These adults actually do it to their own children..who often can be left feeling guilty about everything they or say...Such destructive behaviour!!
BBM~~
This to me is a "Hallmark" of this disorder. These folks constantly turn tables on you and force YOU to prove you care..or Love them etc... I will take no part in that game.
It boggles my mind how some put up with it ( especially if it's just a friendship) but it's so much more harmful in any committed relationship where children are concerned. These adults actually do it to their own children..who often can be left feeling guilty about everything they or say...Such destructive behaviour!!
Well yes it is. But do you think this is an intentionally reasoned behavior they present? Or do you understand how it is a painful cry for help that is self-defeating? People who suffer BPD weren't born that way you know. They are out of control of their reactions. Keywords: out of control. They can't control themselves when triggers hit.
Well yes it is. But do you think this is an intentionally reasoned behavior they present? Or do you understand how it is a painful cry for help that is self-defeating? People who suffer BPD weren't born that way you know.
Unfortunately..no one can force another to get the help needed. Only time it can be is if they do something against the law..These people as you say need help, however, IF they don't want it ..What can a friend do ..those that really care for someone like this TRY and Try to reason..disprove the mis-interpretations by the one suffering from aberrant thinking...BUT even IF the one suffering KNOWS they have a problem even acknowledge it..often refuse to get therapy..Afraid of the drugs and allowing anyone to get into their heads..Fears keep them from getting counselling or therapy
BTW~~ We don't know IF they are born that way or not..Genetics may have a say in that..and of course it is a fact..Chemical imbalances are part of that equation..What govern's those chemicals is NOT how they were brought up but how their body functions and brain development.. So, I guess I disagree with my bolded part of your post
Unfortunately..no one can force another to get the help needed. Only time it can be is if they do something against the law..These people as you say need help, however, IF they don't want it ..What can a friend do ..those that really care for someone like this TRY and Try to reason..disprove the mis-interpretations by the one suffering from aberrant thinking...BUT even IF the one suffering KNOWS they have a problem even acknowledge it..often refuse to get therapy..Afraid of the drugs and allowing anyone to get into their heads..Fears keep them from getting counselling or therapy
BTW~~ We don't know IF they are born that way or not..Genetics may have a say in that..and of course it is a fact..Chemical imbalances are part of that equation..What govern's those chemicals is NOT how they were brought up but how their body functions and brain development.. So, I guess I disagree with my bolded part of your post
Correct and incorrect. Correct that they must acknowledge their disorder and its challenges. Without acknowledgement and desire to escape BPD hell there is little that those family and friends uneducated about the condition can do, or should try. Reasoned thinking will NOT work. It is, in fact, counterproductive. Rational logic generally makes an episode worse and ultimately exacerbates the problem.
However, a person who may desire to be supportive for whatever compelling reason, CAN have a positive influence IF they understand the disorder and take the trouble to learn validation techniques. But simply reasoning will fail.
Correct that genetics is thought to possibly have an influence. But that is as yet not proven.
Incorrect that the condition presents chemical imbalances. If it presented chemical imbalance pharmacological protocol could compensate to at least some degree. BPD itself is known to not respond to any pharmcological treatment. Other disorders and psychological conditions existing comorbidly with BPD CAN be treated with their own pharmacological protocols thereby reducing the overall suffering. But not BPD itself.
Correct and incorrect. Correct that they must acknowledge their disorder and its challenges. Without acknowledgement and desire to escape BPD hell there is little that those family and friends uneducated about the condition can do, or should try. Reasoned thinking will NOT work. It is, in fact, counterproductive. Rational logic generally makes an episode worse and ultimately exacerbates the problem.
However, a person who may desire to be supportive for whatever compelling reason, CAN have a positive influence IF they understand the disorder and take the trouble to learn validation techniques. But simply reasoning will fail.
Correct that genetics is thought to possibly have an influence. But that is as yet not proven.
Incorrect that the condition presents chemical imbalances. If it presented chemical imbalance pharmacological protocol could compensate to at least some degree. BPD itself is known to not respond to any pharmcological treatment. Other disorders and psychological conditions existing comorbidly with BPD CAN be treated with their own pharmacological protocols thereby reducing the overall suffering. But not BPD itself.
Sooo I really don't wish to argue..because IF someone who even knows they are this way refuses treatment and therapy even tho offered and supported required those caring to sacrifice themselves..take time off work..listen to the demented accusations day after day are expected to succumb and lose earning ability and go on welfare ??
After daily confrontations with alluded accusations by such folk...Those NOT accredited should accept living that way??? I say NO !!
I guess since you don't feel that meds nor counselling (when they refuse) can help these folks..THEY should be "Institutionalized" to protect themselves?? I recall back in the day a WHOLE slew of people were thrown into such environment...NOT helpful..especially IF the money runs out..Ohh unless they become "Wards of the State"....hummmmm
I do have experience..but not worth the argument here
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
..What can a friend do 
..those that really care for someone like this TRY and Try to reason..disprove the mis-interpretations by the one suffering from aberrant thinking...BUT even IF the one suffering KNOWS they have a problem even acknowledge it..often refuse to get therapy..Afraid of the drugs and allowing anyone to get into their heads..Fears keep them from getting counselling or therapy 
