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Please, tell me more. What makes you think this? Where did you go to med school or get your PhD in mental health counseling?
Although that assertion may not be true, I think I have met sociopaths masquerading as sick people under certain labels that apparently too easy to obtain. Either that, or borderline and bi-polar really are very serious and debilitating mental illnesses.
Too bad you wasted 8 years in college becoming a corporate drug peddeler.
Medicine in general is a racket for drug companies. But that doesn't mean every disease is fake or that every drug is useless. I'll be the first to admit that we over diagnose things. For example, I doubt so many adults have ADHD. But just because doctors are too happy to prescribe drugs or come up with a new disease doesn't mean that the disease they're describing is fake. The problem with medicine in general is that they take a collection of symptoms and call it disease X. The focus should be on understanding why people exhibit those symptoms in the first place. If we look at the traits of someone with BPD, instead of quibbling over whether their disease is real, how about asking where this behavior comes from? Is it learned? Is it chemical? And regardless of the cause, is it treatable? So instead of hijacking my thread and trying to turn this into a debate about the field of psychiatry, how about being useful and actually addressing the topic at hand?
Although that assertion may not be true, I think I have met sociopaths masquerading as sick people under certain labels that apparently too easy to obtain. Either that, or borderline and bi-polar really are very serious and debilitating mental illnesses.
Both statements are true. Sociopaths are great at "pretending" at doing what it takes to give off the image they want.
BPD and bipolar are both very serious and debilitating illnesses. However the field has come a long way in terms of new treatment options, CBT, DBT, medication etc...
Too bad you wasted 8 years in college becoming a corporate drug peddeler.
There is no pharmaceutical protocol for BPD. Thus no one is peddling anything here. Except ignorance. If you don't know what you are talking about, it's generally best to ask questions, not spew ignorant falsehoods.
Many excellent, knowledgable responses here. Some garbage, as well. For those of you who have suggested disconnecting from persons with BPD, that is often very wise. Because BPD requires a seriously studied, intelligent, process of interaction. Otherwise more harm results even under the best of intentions.
If you don't know what you're dealing with, don't mess with BPD. BPD holds the highest rate of attempted and completed suicides of any mental disorder.
That said, for those who suggest there is no underlying value to persons afflicted with BPD, you fail to see through the miasma. Which is not surprising. But the truth is there is depth and there is value to most everyone on this planet. Doesn't mean you, the inexperienced in BPD, can find the essential worth hidden in the chaos. And you shouldn't try, generally speaking, unless you have the willingness to become educated due to compelling personal connection - such as family dynamics.
I fell in love with a delightful spirit 18 years ago. Filled with bright creativity. A heart bursting with the desire to love and be loved. Driven to contribute. Tormented by BPD. I have lived through hell in my commitment to supporting the reemergence of this precious spirit. It has been worth it in watching her slow progress out of her torment. The personal development I have realize for myself in learning to understand and adapt and accommodate cannot be overstated, as well.
There are days where I feel guilty, like I've abandoned this person. And because someone with BPD fears being abandoned, I feel like I'm only reinforcing the problem since I've basically confirmed her fears. On the other hand, I know that this relationship was making me miserable. It's hard to give yourself permission to be selfish, to know when to focus on yourself even if it means potentially causing someone else pain. I tell myself it's exactly those feelings of guilt the person with BPD takes advantage of. Are people with BPD without hope?
There are days where I feel guilty, like I've abandoned this person. And because someone with BPD fears being abandoned, I feel like I'm only reinforcing the problem since I've basically confirmed her fears. On the other hand, I know that this relationship was making me miserable. It's hard to give yourself permission to be selfish, to know when to focus on yourself even if it means potentially causing someone else pain. I tell myself it's exactly those feelings of guilt the person with BPD takes advantage of. Are people with BPD without hope?
You are broaching some real core issues here. You would, in fact, be abandoning your friend. Yes. And that does perpetuate the dilemma and damage. On the other hand, you were not aware of the condition when you became associated with this person so there is no obligation of your making to remain.
There are a couple options to consider. If you feel some truly deep connection and desire to be helpful you have to read and possibly consult in depth on the disorder with a specialist. Working with BPD professionally calls for highly specialized training, so consulting with therapists who, however otherwise competent, are not specifically trained in BPD is not sufficient. I say this because there are many therapists easily accessible, but not many trained / experienced in BPD.
The thing to take with utmost seriousness is how much damage you can do by trying to help without learning how narrow the path is you will have to walk. You will not do your friend any favor by staying in the relationship if you can't make the total commitment. And you CAN destroy the BPD sufferer. The longer you stay involved only to pull out later, the worse the damage.
This is NOT a joke. And I am NOT exaggerating in the slightest. For many afflicted with BPD, this is literally a life and death struggle. If you're not up to that kind of tinkering, don't tinker.
Whether you decide to disengage, or commit, the first thing you need to learn and understand and practice is how to recognize and validate what issues / parts of issues are valid in the sufferer's complaints and protests and chaotic behaviors - WITHOUT crossing into validating the parts of the behaviors that are not valid. You must learn in great and thoughtful depth to grasp this. NEVER invalidate the parts of the behaviors that are based in valid feelings.
I assure you, EVERY inappropriate behavioral episode your friend exhibits IS, absolutely, based, in some part, on a valid perception relative to their experience. You have to be able to recognize the truth of this. And you have to acknowledge it to them. Then, in the early stages of establishing a path forward, you have to discipline yourself to NOT engage in the episode further. I cannot stress enough how absolutely impossible and destructive it is to try to "reason", rationally with your friend when s/he is in episode. No matter how clear your vision, don't try to share its light. Validate the trigger - and excuse yourself from further drama.
There are books written that discuss this.
That said, if you do not feel compelled or responsible to undertake this life and death battle, the most kind and helpful way to remove yourself is also to read about the validation technique I mention above, and apply it to informing your friend why you don't feel capable of continuing the relationship.
BPD was, as one other poster previously noted, considered incurable, until the 1990's. It completely baffled the psychological / psychiatric sciences until a psychologist recognized the syndrome in herself and had an epiphany about how to reach through with a specific approach to therapy. There's no medication (although the condition is comorbid sometimes with other disorders that may benefit from certain pharmacological intervention). Yet, strangely, and fortunately, BPD is now acknowledged to be highly reversible in sufferers who can acknowledge the disorder and who desire to escape its vicious destructiveness to their lives.
Good luck in your decision. If you feel it is best to disengage, and you want to leave in the best way possible, consult with a trained counselor on how to leave your friend on terms that offer new direction for him/her to consider.
BPD was, as one other poster previously noted, considered incurable, until the 1990's. It completely baffled the psychological / psychiatric sciences until a psychologist recognized the syndrome in herself and had an epiphany about how to reach through with a specific approach to therapy. There's no medication (although the condition is comorbid sometimes with other disorders that may benefit from certain pharmacological intervention). Yet, strangely, and fortunately, BPD is now acknowledged to be highly reversible in sufferers who can acknowledge the disorder and who desire to escape its vicious destructiveness to their lives.
The amazing Marsha Linehan and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Which I have truly come to belive should be taught to kids in school. Especially the work on mindfulness. But really DBT has been expanded to be used in many mental health settings and has had good results.
She finally just released her updated version of the handbook. She's amazing.
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