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Old 03-16-2016, 10:46 AM
 
4,039 posts, read 3,799,838 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gelofogo View Post
None of the really nice people I know are spineless, although quite a few of the nasty ones are. Spineless people aren't nice. They don't have enough boundaries, they won't take risks; they're too anxious about getting hurt. One guy in particular I'm thinking of seems to have what I can only call "hypochondria of the soul." He's so inoffensive that he seems both ineffective and invisible. I don't know what the problem is that's so bad that this the solution.
Ok, I don't know if I would call myself spineless, but I definitely need to work on trusting my thoughts and opinions. Sometimes I confuse myself because I'm trying not to offend people so I twist my thoughts around to make it sound inoffensive but it comes out stupid.

That guy you mentioned sounds like he has a victim mentality. Would you say spineless people have that? I used to think like that a lot but I've been working on not seeing myself as a victim.
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Old 03-16-2016, 04:21 PM
 
7,954 posts, read 8,239,849 times
Reputation: 12164
Quote:
Originally Posted by gelofogo View Post
None of the really nice people I know are spineless, although quite a few of the nasty ones are. Spineless people aren't nice. They don't have enough boundaries, they won't take risks; they're too anxious about getting hurt. One guy in particular I'm thinking of seems to have what I can only call "hypochondria of the soul." He's so inoffensive that he seems both ineffective and invisible. I don't know what the problem is that's so bad that this the solution.
Everything you described does not sound like a nasty person non-nice person. You just don't like these people.
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Old 03-16-2016, 04:51 PM
 
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,380,011 times
Reputation: 5383
Quote:
Originally Posted by NickofDiamonds View Post
How to Build a Backbone in 3 Easy Steps

  1. Do you resent someone in your life?
  2. Do you feel taken advantage of?
  3. Do you often complain but nothing changes?
  4. Do you keep all of your emotions in?
  5. Do you avoid conflict?
  6. Have you said yes when you meant no?
  7. Have you allowed your anger to build up and come out in other ways?
  8. Have you compromised self-care for others-care?
  9. If you answered yes to any of these questions, you could use a backbone adjustment!

How To Build A Backbone In 3 Easy Steps
Not doing so can lead to a victim mentality that can interfere with your relationships with other people.

You can't please everyone. It's not the end of the world when someone's feelings are hurt by something you said or do. They eventually get over it, at least mature people do. My mom is obsessed with "being nice" to others. It's very annoying lol. It's best to be assertive than fall into a trap of being a people-pleaser. On the other end of the spectrum, it's not cool to be a "donkey"
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Old 03-17-2016, 10:27 AM
bg7
 
7,694 posts, read 10,603,284 times
Reputation: 15300
Quote:
Originally Posted by GKelly View Post
If you don't like it, then don't open my ****ing threads. You're of no help anyway and I'm tired of people like you trying to keep the only place where I'm free to anonymously express myself quiet.
She giving you the honest and actual answer. So you keep posting trying to find a self-deluding "answer" that you want to hear, not the actual answer.


Really, how many times before you actually have an epiphany or even a glint of realization.
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Old 03-17-2016, 10:31 AM
 
35,094 posts, read 51,428,749 times
Reputation: 62673
Quote:
Originally Posted by GKelly View Post
If you don't like it, then don't open my ****ing threads. You're of no help anyway and I'm tired of people like you trying to keep the only place where I'm free to anonymously express myself quiet.
If you don't like the answers you get then quit starting threads about the same issue.
You do not take any advice or recommendations anyway. It is tiring when people like you try to keep this place full of the same, boring, stories full of needless drama, hysterics and turmoil.
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Old 03-19-2016, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 25,311,346 times
Reputation: 50812
I personally do not equate niceness with spinelessness.

If you don't trust your feelings and thoughts it might be because these things were not validated by your family, and others in your life. So, if others don't value or understand your concerns, then it is hard for you to do so. I don't know if this matches your earlier life though.

However this happened, the important thing is to work through this. The people who do work on themselves, really do mature. The ones that don't stay undeveloped and immature. So, if you recognize this trait as undesirable, then you need to figure out how, and when, to say what you think.

Try and be kind, instead of nice. Kindness is never inappropriate. You can ask yourself what the "kind" thing to do would be. If you feel you are being taken advantage of, you could speak up, but kindly. If you want to disagree with someone, you can do so kindly.

I'm not saying that changing how you do things is easy. But IMO, it is best to work on how you think about something, rather than the thing itself.
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