Helping others build their life.. while ignoring my own (husband, parent, issues)

[keraT]

I get frustrated at my husband often but then i realize I am guilty of the same crime. After our marriage I realize how involved he was in his brothers family, especially his 4 little nephews. Where we live to what he purchase often has them in mind. His brother is 15 years older to him & looked after him after his parents retire. So I understand why he wants to give back by helping his brother raise his 4 boys. From taking them to hospital to doing all their school paperwork to living in same apartment. It was cute at first until I realize he doesn't put as much thought in his future as he does on his brothers family. He has no interest in having family, kids or nice house of his own.

Some moments it frustrates me, until I realize last 2 months I have been running around like headless chicken trying to get my extended family settled in USA. I live few miles away from my parents & entire month of May I spent most of my free time getting my moms house ready for her extended guest. Now in Jun I am spending all my time (free and work time) looking for jobs for them, finding them apartments, discussing different future/path for them..etc. I am feeling anxious and stressed because there is so much to do to get them settled. My husband is bit annoyed at my involvement but he won't say anything as its my time/effort.

I ask myself, why am i feeling anxious/stress? its not my life? let them sort their own life? why did i make it my current mission to help build someone else's life while ignoring myself/my needs. Why am i taking this as my responsibility while my sibling living in same area hasn't changed his life or feels any responsibility toward them. Why do i volunteer for stuff like this.

That is when I realize, my husband and i are doing the exact same thing. We are both trying to help others build their life while putting our own family/home in back burner. The difference is, for me its short burst of attention to different group whether its friends or family or cousins. For hubby its always been his brother & no one else. Still at the end of the day, is something wrong with us?

I made another thread last month being tired of celebrating others life. Again I love to be part of peoples life but sometimes I wonder when its too much for my own good.
Tired of celebrating other peoples life!

[nezlie]

It sounds to me as though going to an extreme, as described in your post, shows a deep need to validate something in your own life........ something that one may think is lacking and not fulfilled.

But what do I know...... I'm not an expert.

[silibran]

If you feel you can, you could initiate this conversation with your husband. If you can't, find a neutral third party, such as a family therapist to talk through some of these issues. You both need to find an acceptable place for yourselves in your relationship.