What are the longterm effects of being forced to grow up too fast? (generation, parent)
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I think you are correct, medical help is human powered so its limited.
Spiritual illness will not respond to human powered help.
So a solution has to have a spiritual aspect.
I had a good psychiatrist but the most he could do was show me how sick I was, he had no real answer.
Psychiatrists generally don't do the type of work the OP needs. Psychologists/Psychotherapists do. Social workers don't.
Another comment: I am the product of Holocaust survivors and I am 1st generation from (legal) immigrants who refused to participate in organized relgion and had abandoned beliefs in any God. 100% better upbringing than yours but not without the oppression of very serious, sometimes depressed, parents who considered most children's wishes and dreams as frivolous, and playing as a waste of time. Not forced to grow up too fast, but never allowed to just be a kid in the very rigid world of "never forget, it can happen again" mentality.
I have a difficult time having fun with other adults. Very hard for me to just hang out with people or make small talk -- so I am challenged making friends unless its in the environment of a shared focus. I can play with kids and with dogs, but really get little joy out of pure adult fun. Never learned to enjoy viewing or participating in sports.
But I have learned that diversions are important and I have worked to cultivate some over the years. Hiking, volunteering in dog rescue, DIY stuff (Home Depot free classes), limitied cooking/baking, etc. I think its really important to develop some interest that sparks you and adds another dimension to yourself. Its of great value in so many ways.
OP, you've done a GREAT deal of work to pull yourself out of a bad situation.
I've watched too many Oprah shows, but I can tell you that after a few years of listening to Oprah's guests tell their stories of their dysfunctional upbringing, Oprah decided she was going to stop focusing her program on the dysfunctional past. she said EVERYONE has a dysfunctional story to tell. She wanted to focus on: What are you going to DO about it?
I suggest that you figure out what you want to DO about it. Do you want to be more materialistic? Are you happy being arrogant? Do you like your current lifestyle? If so, are outside forces prompting you to change? You sound defensive about it.
I don't think you need psychotherapy. I think you need Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That focuses less on the past history and more on how to change your mindset to reach your personal goals. You have to google it and find counselors who specifically advertise CBT or DBT. I think that would be much better for you.
I think you are correct, medical help is human powered so its limited.
Spiritual illness will not respond to human powered help.
So a solution has to have a spiritual aspect.
I had a good psychiatrist but the most he could do was show me how sick I was, he had no real answer.
IMcurrentO, the "real" answer lies beyond the ego/mind/personality and is found in the realm of the Infinite or Wholeness as some of the nonduality teachers say. Most if not all of my emotional/mental problems from a rotten childhood were and still are locked up in my ego or personal self but I am not just an ego or a limited "person" and so working on and with my ego or personal issues keeps me from seeing or becoming who and what I really am - No thing or all there is, depending on how I "realize' it. Staying focused on my emotional/persona stuff was OK for a while but there came a time when I needed to go beyond the limits of my ego or separated self and into the absolute or totality - which is our real being or nature. This will sound mystical or like "woo-woo" to many folks but can become quite obvious when seen through the eyes of a "sage" or awakened being such as Tony Parsons in this brief commentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmTdYSHfMcM
I thought a psychiatrist is a psychologist who can write subscriptions.
Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in mental disorders. Their focus is on controlling disorders with medications, and a typical session with a psychiatrist after the initial intake is maybe 10-15 minutes to assess the current symptoms and adjust meds if necessary. Their focus is on an illness model of psychological dysfunction and they tend to be taught/to believe that ultimately the "solution" to mental dysfunction will be finding the right psychoactive substances to treat them.
The more enlightened psychiatrists will team up with a psychologist, counselor, or clinical social worker (some do have training very similar to a clinical counselor's) who will provide talk therapy in collaboration with the psychiatrist. But psychiatrists tend not to do a lot of talk therapy because their hourly rates are so high -- good luck getting an insurance company to pay for talk sessions with a psychiatrist when other mental health professionals offer services at a much lower rate.
A psychologist is a PhD-level professional. They do a lot of assessment and testing, typically, and are often in charge at clinics and practices. In two states, psychologists can prescribe medications (after a long battle to get it to happen): New Mexico and Louisiana. Arizona, Hawaii, Montana, New Jersey, Oregon and Tennessee are also considering allowing psychologists to prescribe. Psychiatrists are fighting this because --well, the reason should be obvious.
Most talk therapy is done by licensed master's level professionals these days because it's the most cost-effective way to do things. Because of managed care, the focus is on techniques that work quickly, and have a lot of research done on them demonstrating their effectiveness. Most clients go into therapy for a few months, depending on what their dealing with, rather than for years as was sometimes the case in the past.
Someone dealing with past traumas would be best served seeking out a psychologist, counselor, or social worker who has training and experience working with trauma, for example. Different mental health pros specialize in different things. It would in fact be an ethical violation for someone without trauma training and experience to take on a client presenting with trauma-related issues.
kids aren't born with directions or warranties and neither are parents
some parents are soooo bad they shouldn't have kids at all
however,,there are times in our lives,,,,,we look at the big picture,,
most of us,,,,will probly live to 75 plus yrs ...
so even if we had a chitty childhood, here's the good news,,,,,you have 55 plus years to live your life the way you see fit,,,, you were shown what not to do....now its up to you not to repeat the cycles..
look thru the windshield of life...not the rearview mirror...the windshield is where dreams are made,,,,the rearview mirror is the past,,and not a damn thing can be done/undone about it
at least you learned and want more in life,,and perhaps one of your purposes is to help others out of the ghetto like you..
and don't let your family pull you down or give you an attitude..
put your efforts into building your own path,,,,not blaming others
Due to limited $$, I did most of my therapy work in 12 step support groups and found most "shrinks" be either utterly incompetent or outright IGNORANT. Alice Miller helped me understand why so many shrinks are so bad. Miller speaks of the "unhealed Healer" in her books. Shrinks with unresolved "issues" cannot help anyone and often damage their clients even more!
It's annoying and can leave me feeling isolated and sometimes FOOLISH but, thanks to Recovery work in support groups, I now know that my understanding and TRUTHS about my sick family is real and I don't need the approval or even understanding of "normal" folks to keep me going. I have come to understand that most folks survived screwed up families but they keep their heads buried in the sands of DENIAL and bitterly resent anyone like you or me for speaking the TRUTH about our screwed up parents and family. They HATE us because we threaten to break through their thick, defensive walls of DENIAL and might force them to FEEL the pain of their own lousy past and then be forced to get honest and do something about their unaccepted pains. IMO, the bulk of humanity lives with and endures UNHEALED pain from the past and copes by simply DENYING that things were that bad back home. Just about everything in any culture assists these trauma victims to DENY and hide their unhealed pains but it will come out in may sick ways like: road rage, bar fights, all manner of crime, FEAR, war, cheating, LYING, gossip, insanity, murder, rape, arson, suspicion, racism, religious wars, jealousy, competition, and all manner of negative/violent behavior that is unwittingly fueled by UNHEALED PAIN from early childhood! We are not born EVIL but can quickly be made EVIL in an emotionally sick family! At least that is what happened to my dad, late wife and us 3 kids. Sick others made us sick and my late wife and I are the only ones I know who ever tried to find some help and healing from a messed up childhood. Not sure if we succeeded but we did at least try!
I don't give advice but I'd recommend any support group over a personal shrink to anyone wanting to recover from early trauma and emotional damages. I think that many "therapists" have not done their own therapy work and are still living in and with DENIAL so they cannot help anyone and may FEAR having their own unhealed pains exposed by a client.
good luck
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimrich
I did most of my therapy work in ACoA and also in CODA (codependents Anonymous) support groups. It's a safe and CHEAP way to go, IMO.
Bravo! Personal opinion is 3 group (acoa, coda, alanon,) meetings equal one good counseling meeting.
I had a wonderful counselor who could see how much pain I was in, my insurance would pay for once a week. She recommended support groups, they saved my life. I was trying to undo/deal with/whatever my childhood emotional abuse/neglect. All while my father is dying from cancer. A disease that took my mother when i was a child.
My boss was very kind and let me slack for a few months. Sales was independent, I would find a support meeting near a business meeting. I went to some meetings at least once a day. Wed. I would go to three a day, all over town. I needed these like an drunk needs alcohol. They gave me peace. I'd look forward to seeing and share stories with familiar faces.
My brother was in similar pain, but he'd never listen to me. I tried to help him to no avail. Same with some friends. 'It was too much work.' Life and time will happen, you want to get rid of the pain now or carry it forever. I belief his death at 59 had a lot to do with his emotional mental health issues.
I lived in support groups for about 3 years. I am best friends still 30+ years later with a woman I met in these groups. WE get each other.
I can look at people now and ID those still carrying childhood issues. Been there, know it when I see it.
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The real answer
