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"Regrets, I've had a few But then again, too few to mention." This is not about Frank Sinatra though I owe the title of the post to "My Way", lyrics by Paul Anka (link). Regrets at missed opportunities in high school and college; fewer regrets in life
I am now reading the later parts of The Proud Tower by Barbara Tuchman, a tour d’force of the history of antebellum, i.e. pre-World War I history in Europe and the U.S. Parts of the book were assigned to me for reading in either High School or at Cornell; it doesn’t really matter which. What it got me to thinking about was the many missed opportunities, both in academic and personal life during those years. Yet those missed opportunities have not cost me all that much.
During my years in elementary and junior high school, grades 2-8, I was in one school, which we’ll call “Q School.” The students in Q School merged into a Senior High School in an affluent community, which we’ll call “S School.” The other students in S School had previously had a merger from their K-5 elementary school into one Junior High School. Q School never merged until 9th Grade.
My years at Q school were pretty good academically, not good socially. I guess when I got into S School I took the academic part for granted, and pined for social acceptance. The same thing happened when I started Cornell. I didn’t really get the social acceptance. I did make a lifelong friend or two during this period that has more than made up for it.
Another regret; dropping my religious education after my Bar Mitzvah on May 2, 1970. My father's death, not through any religious experience but through my participation writing my father's eulogy brouhg me back. This, along with one of my lifelong friend's prodding.
But let’s get back to The Proud Tower. The book is astounding. I’ll be honest; I didn’t concentrate on it when it was assigned reading. Ditto The Peloponnesian Wars, by Thucicydes, assigned sometime during 1978, either spring Junior Year or fall Senior Year at Cornell. I read some of it, but it was a chore. Now, reading it, I wished I had grasped the richness of the material. Doubtless there are other illustrations. My grades were not great at Cornell, but somehow I did get into Boston University Law School. My performance was decidedly pedestrian as well.
But how did all this turn out in the end? Not bad, given a decidedly mediocre amount of effort.
I met my wife of almost thirty great years through a casual female friend, L, when I was a senior, she was a freshman. Quite by accident we went to a Grateful Dead concert together on May 9, 1979. Exactly twelve years to the day, May 9, 1991, I married by wife, Linda. She was introduced to me by L. I scraped to get a job after law school and don’t even want to print my initial salary. Two jobs and three and a half years later, I met my current professional colleague and mentor riding a Metro North train on hot Thursday in June. We are still together. My career is quite interesting. Lucrative – no. But I do well enough to have paid off my mortgage early and remained employed through the Coronavirus pandemic. My wife and two children are all healthy. One is fully employed as a civil engineer, the other on furlough because of the pandemic.
All in all, this is not a bad outcome. I've picked up my Jewish education by participating in Torah Study, adult learning and other opportunities at my synagogue and elsewhere. And yes, I’ll finish The Proud Tower, and reclaim some of the missed opportunities.
I hate that damn song. It immediately brings me back to a dive Irish pub where someone would occasionally play it on the jukebox, at which point all the men who had dedicated their lives to drinking and gambling would stand and sing it, as if the choice to throw away their lives and families on beer and bookies made them into fascinating renegades instead of losers.
I was married to one of them. That should answer your question.
I hate that damn song. It immediately brings me back to a dive Irish pub where someone would occasionally play it on the jukebox, at which point all the men who had dedicated their lives to drinking and gambling would stand and sing it, as if the choice to throw away their lives and families on beer and bookies made them into fascinating renegades instead of losers.
I was married to one of them. That should answer your question.
Moderator, maybe I'll ask to close this thread and reopen with a different title and first line.
I did not want the thread to be about a bad Sinatra song; I wanted it to be about parts of people's lives that they feel that they passed up significant opportunities. In this case though the outcome of college was spectacular, i.e. furnishing the link to my eventual wife, I feel, had I been more mature and better prioritized I could have gained a lot more from the substantive quality of the education.Secondarily, I passed up the better part of religious education, when I would have been old enough to appreciate it. I did this largely because of the lack of discipline in the classroom at ages 10-13.
I made a big mistake and married a guy in college mostly because I would be graduating soon and didn’t know what to do with the rest of my life. I didn’t have any strong career ambitions and just floated thru college. Then, because we both came from parents who had long and strong marriages, we thought we should stick it out to make it work. But really, we didn’t have the same values and the physical attraction soon disappeared. Big regrets, set the stage for the rest of my life.
I made a big mistake and married a guy in college mostly because I would be graduating soon and didn’t know what to do with the rest of my life. I didn’t have any strong career ambitions and just floated thru college. Then, because we both came from parents who had long and strong marriages, we thought we should stick it out to make it work. But really, we didn’t have the same values and the physical attraction soon disappeared. Big regrets, set the stage for the rest of my life.
Are there opportunities to rearrange things? Start afresh?
Are there opportunities to rearrange things? Start afresh?
Ha. Took care of that problem over 40 years ago! But, it is a regret.
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