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With all due respect, I am done with soul searching and have a pretty good idea of who I am. I am also really tired of going places by myself. It was fun for a while in the beginning, but now its really gotten old.
The question about friends is only an analogy. Meaning that if the "complete on your own" statement is true, the same has to be true about friendships. Would you say it is a sound advice to tell someone "you have to be complete/happy on your own before you have any friends"? Doesn't that sound nonsensical??
No.
It does not sound nonsensical.
If you're not completely happy and secure with who you are, you have a good chance of making the wrong kind of friends. And not being a great friend.
I think it's true with both because if you're coming into any relationship looking for someone to feel some kind of hole, it's going to wind up being either disappointing or toxic for both of you.
I am not sure about men, but women these days, especially since the feminist movement, have been told repeatedly that they should be happy without a man. And if they aren't happy being single, then something's wrong with them.
I am not sure about men, but women these days, especially since the feminist movement, have been told repeatedly that they should be happy without a man. And if they aren't happy being single, then something's wrong with them.
Gosh, it seems society goes from one extent to another, doesn't it.
I wish so much they'd be able to reach a happy medium. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a couple, nothing...but it's not for everyone...
I know couples, not many but of two, that one lived in one part of the country and another lived in another part of the country, and they loved their "Arrangement" and they were married. Whatever works, but no one should be dictating to anyone that something is wrong with them, if they are not living the same life.
What several people are trying to explain is, that other people cannot "make" you happy...a marriage cannot complete you, neither can another person, that is "your" job, meaning you in general, not you. Once you are comfortable in your own skin, you just make much better life choices....
Now, if you are referring to being co-dependent, that is another story...yes, there are people that are co-dependent, which isn't healthy...
Have you ever heard of the wife, whose husband did everything for her, paid the bills, wrote all the checks, pumped the gas in her car, took care of everything outside of the housework. Sadly he passed away and she had to learn how to do all these things....while they were together, it worked for them, but what happens if something happens to either one of you.
If you develop a habit of doing everything together, if God forbid, something does happen to one or the other, it makes it even more difficult for the surviving mate.
I think it is much healthier to change the tides, and share the house work, share paying the bills, and going alone now and then, or with the girls or guys, on a getaway weekend. That way, if something does happen, it's not such a difficult change. Dealing with the loss is tragic enough, let alone adding all these other stressful changes in one's life.
What several people are trying to explain is, that other people cannot "make" you happy...a marriage cannot complete you, neither can another person, that is "your" job, meaning you in general, not you. Once you are comfortable in your own skin, you just make much better life choices....
Sure it can. If thats the only thing that makes you unhappy and you're otherwise in a good place mentally than it stands to reason that once that aspect of your life is in order you will in fact feel better about your life as a whole. Its not that hard to understand.
Sure it can. If thats the only thing that makes you unhappy than it stands to reason that once that aspect of your life is in order you will in fact feel better about your life as a whole. Its not that hard to understand.
Humans, like many other mammals and birds, are meant to be in a relationship. Being single is not the normal state. Neither is living alone without a social group.
Pop psychology about being "happy alone" is just that, pop psychology with no basis in evolutionary history of humans.
Humans, like many other mammals and birds, are meant to be in a relationship. Being single is not the normal state. Neither is living alone without a social group.
Pop psychology about being "happy alone" is just that, pop psychology with no basis in evolutionary history of humans.
Eeeeeeexactly.
If I think about it from the opposite end, if there are people who are so complete that me being in a relationship with them adds absolutely nothing to their "happy" life, would I really want to be with someone like that?
My thoughts are that the 'right' person in your life may 'enhance' your life; whereas the 'wrong' person can make it a living nightmare.
As far as 'happy' . . . happy is normally a temporary emotion based on an event; being 'content' is more valuable for me. I don't know anyone who is happy 24/7.
My thoughts are that the 'right' person in your life may 'enhance' your life; whereas the 'wrong' person can make it a living nightmare.
As far as 'happy' . . . happy is normally a temporary emotion based on an event; being 'content' is more valuable for me. I don't know anyone who is happy 24/7.
Maybe I have them confused, but pretty much every moment I am not at work, I'm pretty damn happy/content.
Even sometimes at work.
Humans, like many other mammals and birds, are meant to be in a relationship. Being single is not the normal state. Neither is living alone without a social group.
Pop psychology about being "happy alone" is just that, pop psychology with no basis in evolutionary history of humans.
Yeah, because you can speak for every single human being
Not everyone wants or desires to be in a relationship. Nothing wrong with that.
Yeah, because you can speak for every single human being
Not everyone wants or desires to be in a relationship. Nothing wrong with that.
Exactly. It's not the greatest analogy, but think of it like a car. Your base model car is what a person should be--perfectly functional, new car smell, everything you need. Being in a relationship is like having the upgraded package--heated seats, alloy wheels, sun roof. It's just more--none of this is what the car needs to run, it just enhances the driver experience. There's nothing wrong with either model.
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