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In September 2007, I was still the "baby" of the family, even though I was three months away from my college graduation.
Fast forward to the present. I'm married to a great woman (both 32). All our siblings and most of our friends have kids now. For reasons I won't mention in this post, my wife feels she isn't ready to take that step just yet, and I respect that.
Unfortunately, every social function we attend these days serves as a clear reminder that we don't have kids: children running around, people grilling us on when we plan to have them, and so on.
We really feel like the odd couple, as we're one of the few -- if not the only-- childfree pairs at these occasions. It makes us feel isolated and different because we can't relate to half the stuff they talk about. And I can't seem to shake off this feeling of having "fallen behind" my peers because I'm not yet a dad.
Do/did you ever feel disconnected because you do/did not have children? How'd you deal with it?
I've been married for over 20 years and we are child free. We take tons of trips together - day trips, weekend trips, long weekend trips. We do what we want when we want.
Sure, we have tons of family and friends who have herds of children - some literally have a herd. I have 27 first cousins so I have a HUGE family. We go to family functions and then go home and enjoy the peace and quiet.
When people would grill us about having kids, we always just said that mother nature doesn't make everyone a baby factory. yes, we heard about it for years. People no longer ask. They will get over it eventually. We found that many people are jealous of our lives/lifestyle because we don't have to work around school schedules, kids' activities, etc. We are free to do what we want. We don't have to budget sports equipment, school supplies, field trips, additional food, etc. We can eat out whenever and wherever we want. I wouldn't have changed a thing!
The childfree people who brag (lie?) about this kind of stuff are almost as annoying (insecure?) as parents that would make rude comments to non-parents.
How's it bragging to have disposable income to take vacations because a couple is childfree? It's true that they have more money to spend on things like vacations, fancy dinners, nights out on the town, etc. Are they not supposed to say anything about their lives because others have children and can't do those things? That's crazy.
I've been married for over 20 years and we are child free. We take tons of trips together - day trips, weekend trips, long weekend trips. We do what we want when we want.
Sure, we have tons of family and friends who have herds of children - some literally have a herd. I have 27 first cousins so I have a HUGE family. We go to family functions and then go home and enjoy the peace and quiet.
When people would grill us about having kids, we always just said that mother nature doesn't make everyone a baby factory. yes, we heard about it for years. People no longer ask. They will get over it eventually. We found that many people are jealous of our lives/lifestyle because we don't have to work around school schedules, kids' activities, etc. We are free to do what we want. We don't have to budget sports equipment, school supplies, field trips, additional food, etc. We can eat out whenever and wherever we want. I wouldn't have changed a thing!
You do know that more parents probably pity you for not having kids than are actually really jealous, right? They might say that they are in a mostly joking manner but no, they don't really want to trade lives with you even if they also sometimes want to vent about how much having kids costs and how hard it sometimes is to be a parent.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that you enjoy your life. But to assume that parents don't enjoy their lives and aren't happy having kids is just as flawed a concept as saying that anyone who doesn't have kids should be pitied.
How's it bragging to have disposable income to take vacations because a couple is childfree? It's true that they have more money to spend on things like vacations, fancy dinners, nights out on the town, etc. Are they not supposed to say anything about their lives because others have children and can't do those things? That's crazy.
Some childfree couples have that kind of lifestyle, some don't.
Some people with kids have that kind of lifestyle, some don't.
When someone from either camp uses their child-having status to explain their lifestyle IMHO it's lame.
I'm equally eye-rolling when I see parents foam at the mouth saying, "oh yeah, well who will take care of you when you're sick!?!?" That's an intellectually dishonest response.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that you enjoy your life. But to assume that parents don't enjoy their lives and aren't happy having kids is just as flawed a concept as saying that anyone who doesn't have kids should be pitied.
This exactly.
I'm lucky enough to both have kids and be able to afford (most of the time) a nice lifestyle. Some childfree friends we have are as broke as they ever were. There's all kinds of people out there.
Similarly, since I saw someone post this earlier, I have no expectations that my kids will take care of me in by dotage, and child-free people certainly have other options for care later in life...I mean, duh!
How's it bragging to have disposable income to take vacations because a couple is childfree? It's true that they have more money to spend on things like vacations, fancy dinners, nights out on the town, etc. Are they not supposed to say anything about their lives because others have children and can't do those things? That's crazy.
Your ability to do these things is based more on your income level and how much flexibility you have in your schedule. Let's face it, people who are wealthier go on more vacations and fancy dinners. Many people with children are well off and can do these things quite often. It's not just restricted to people who don't have kids.
Or suicidal depression because you realize you will die alone in some nursing home being cared for by a minimum wage nurses aid. Think your friends are going to be their in your 50's or that your spouse will never get sick or die LOL. There is a reason our ancestors had LOTS of kids
Just because you have children doesn't mean that you won't die alone in a nursing home. Many elderly folks pass away in nursing homes. Everyone is going to die. Having children doesn't stop it or change it.
I don't know of anyone who was childfree who suffered with suicidal depression because they didn't have children and were elderly. I know several folks who were suicidal because of the disease they had that was slowly killing them and their death was going to be slow and painful. Children wouldn't have helped in that case. They couldn't stop the pain or suffering.
My grandfather had 5 children and had over a dozen grandchildren. He died alone. He passed away when my grandmother wasn't there. My grandmother visited him every day at the nursing home. He had no idea who she was. He had severe dementia. He didn't know anything. It was really sad to see him like that. He was in his own little world. Having children and grandchildren didn't stop him from dying alone.
Or suicidal depression because you realize you will die alone in some nursing home being cared for by a minimum wage nurses aid. Think your friends are going to be their in your 50's or that your spouse will never get sick or die LOL. There is a reason our ancestors had LOTS of kids
Let me try this again: Think of the money saved that could be used to pay for future care that we'd need. Kids can be a pain the the butt and they interfere with life. For some of us, having them is a bad investment.
I believe that my ancestors had lots of kids for several reasons:
1. They were farmers and needed help to harvest.
2. They had no TV and had plenty of time to breed.
Also, what's more selfish than expecting your children to care for you because you've not been provident? As one who has two disabled parents living in my house, I can tell you that caring for them is a burden that I'd never put on children.
You do know that more parents probably pity you for not having kids than are actually really jealous, right? They might say that they are in a mostly joking manner but no, they don't really want to trade lives with you even if they also sometimes want to vent about how much having kids costs and how hard it sometimes is to be a parent.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that you enjoy your life. But to assume that parents don't enjoy their lives and aren't happy having kids is just as flawed a concept as saying that anyone who doesn't have kids should be pitied.
Nope, they don't pity me. My sister-in-law tells me almost every time she sees me how she wishes she had my life. She has 4 kids - 10 and under. I wouldn't want that life. She's not joking. Even my mom says she wishes she had the freedom to do things that I had. Now she's a senior with numerous health issues and can't do a lot of things. I have lots of friends who are dead serious when they say they want to change places for a week.
No one said parents don't enjoy their lives, but their lives ARE different. You sound like you have issues with people who don't have kids.
Nope, they don't pity me. My sister-in-law tells me almost every time she sees me how she wishes she had my life. She has 4 kids - 10 and under. I wouldn't want that life. She's not joking. Even my mom says she wishes she had the freedom to do things that I had. Now she's a senior with numerous health issues and can't do a lot of things. I have lots of friends who are dead serious when they say they want to change places for a week.
No one said parents don't enjoy their lives, but their lives ARE different. You sound like you have issues with people who don't have kids.
nope, just with people who think that only non-parents enjoy their lives.
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