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All married couples should have children. It's one of the main reasons for marriage. Be fruitful and multiply.
Oh good grief! Plenty of people NEVER should have children. Many people get married and have no plans for children and others have plans, but mother nature doesn't cooperate. I never got married so I could become a baby factory. I got married because I loved the person I was with and wanted to build a life with them.
Most famous, successful people I can think of (right off the top of my head) all have children. Being a parent, evidently did not hold them back in life.
You think JLo sits around taking care of her kids? Nope. She's got nannies, chefs, housekeepers, trainers, etc. Same with any celebrity. Many highly successful people also have a spouse who can stay home and organize the help so to speak. You think Ivana sat around playing Legos with the boys? Extremely doubtful!
You think JLo sits around taking care of her kids? Nope. She's got nannies, chefs, housekeepers, trainers, etc. Same with any celebrity. Many highly successful people also have a spouse who can stay home and organize the help so to speak. You think Ivana sat around playing Legos with the boys? Extremely doubtful!
What is up with all the assumptions in this thread?
Last time I checked there are thousands of lifestyles available to married and single people, parents and non-parents alike.
The idea that working parents can't spend time with their kids is absurd--my happiest memories were spending time with my fully employed parents. I work full time and spend weekend mornings with my kids playing cards and volunteer and even coach a sports team. At the same time I know childfree couples who are incredibly happy and volunteer all their spare time with animals and they are equally happy with full social networks.
Life is full of trade-offs for everybody. There is no need to invalidate other people's choices to enjoy your own.
In September 2007, I was still the "baby" of the family, even though I was three months away from my college graduation.
Fast forward to the present. I'm married to a great woman (both 32). All our siblings and most of our friends have kids now. For reasons I won't mention in this post, my wife feels she isn't ready to take that step just yet, and I respect that.
Unfortunately, every social function we attend these days serves as a clear reminder that we don't have kids: children running around, people grilling us on when we plan to have them, and so on.
We really feel like the odd couple, as we're one of the few -- if not the only-- childfree pairs at these occasions. It makes us feel isolated and different because we can't relate to half the stuff they talk about. And I can't seem to shake off this feeling of having "fallen behind" my peers because I'm not yet a dad.
Do/did you ever feel disconnected because you do/did not have children? How'd you deal with it?
It can be a grass is greener thing. When you are the childless ones with lots of parents as peers, it can feel isolating, but so can being the only one with children.
One thing not to do is choose to have/not have kids due to wanting to emulate peers. Kids are a decision you don't take lightly. Not something to do to keep up with the Joneses
Maybe they should have been child-free. The irony is savage
That's funny. Indeed it is ironic. What's interesting is that I can well afford to care for my parents (unlike my siblings who have children) partially because I never had to pay for children of my own. They're well cared for and I'm happy to do it. Why is it that people who want/have children (or people who make comments like yours) get offended when I offer an opinion about the merits of being childless? What's your problem with my positions:
#1. Children are a time and financial burden.
#2. Parents should not expect their children to care for them. (That's one of the worst reasons to breed.)
I understand that some of what I've written may sound harsh. I'm offering my perspective as one who made a decision in my teens never to have children. The benefits of that decision, to me, far outweigh the costs/drawbacks/burden that come wi th raising children. .
Let me try this again: Think of the money saved that could be used to pay for future care that we'd need. Kids can be a pain the the butt and they interfere with life. For some of us, having them is a bad investment.
I believe that my ancestors had lots of kids for several reasons:
1. They were farmers and needed help to harvest.
2. They had no TV and had plenty of time to breed.
Also, what's more selfish than expecting your children to care for you because you've not been provident? As one who has two disabled parents living in my house, I can tell you that caring for them is a burden that I'd never put on children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrick85395
Indeed it is. What's interesting is that I can well afford to care for my parents (unlike my siblings who have children) partially because I never had to pay for children of my own. They're well cared for and I'm happy to do it. Why is it that people who want/have children (or people who make comments like yours) get offended when I offer an opinion about the merits of being childless? What's your problem with my positions:
#1. Children are a time and financial burden.
#2. Parents should not expect their children to care for them. (That's one of the worst reasons to breed.)
so which is it? A burden or something you are happy to do?
That's why it was commented on, because you are the one that called it burden.
But given your oh so charming use of the term "breed" to refer to those who have chosen to have children, I'm pretty sure I have a good idea of your personality.
I never felt the least pressure to have kids, or felt judged not having them. Maybe it is where you live, like someone said. I lived in SoCal, then Colorado. I always joke that my sisters took my allotment, since they have 3, 4 and 4, instead of the 2.5.
I've never liked babies or kids---just not wired that way. Love baby animals. There is a sub-set of us out there. My standard response when asked was: "Never wanted 'em; never got 'em". The usual answer to that was "Good for you! I wish more people were that sure."
Then there are medical issues. I had 2 miscarriages (what a relief!) so kind of think I wasn't "able" but never looked into it further. (My plan was 2 adopt those 2 out, if they did arrive)
Never made enough money. But it's true, on a low income I DID enjoy lengthy vacations and other "perks" my acquaintances with kids could not enjoy. I didn't even have any friends with kids.
I also think the OP needs to develop other circles of friends....I am totally bored by kid-talk.
I believe there is some truth to the old adage of Reaping what you Sow...
In my own neighborhood my immediate next door neighbor is 98 and unable to be alone... he has three daughters and two live 300 miles away.
Each Daughter rotates one month and stays with Dad in the family home... that is one month away from their homes...
Another friend is from a mid-western farm family... the kids don't kind of spend a month but they do provide care at home for their elderly parents... my friend spends her vacation each August with her parents so her sister gets a break... the other brother also spends time... they both live in California and the farm in Ohio...
In my own family... also a farm family on Mom's side the kids all took turns caring for Grandma... it is a big family and it was reduced to a calendar and no issues.
I do see how the kid phase can make those feel left out... then again, their are plenty of childless individuals that are godparents in my circle... they are very involved with all the kids things from birthday parties, school events, etc...
In September 2007, I was still the "baby" of the family, even though I was three months away from my college graduation.
Fast forward to the present. I'm married to a great woman (both 32). All our siblings and most of our friends have kids now. For reasons I won't mention in this post, my wife feels she isn't ready to take that step just yet, and I respect that.
Unfortunately, every social function we attend these days serves as a clear reminder that we don't have kids: children running around, people grilling us on when we plan to have them, and so on.
We really feel like the odd couple, as we're one of the few -- if not the only-- childfree pairs at these occasions. It makes us feel isolated and different because we can't relate to half the stuff they talk about. And I can't seem to shake off this feeling of having "fallen behind" my peers because I'm not yet a dad.
Do/did you ever feel disconnected because you do/did not have children? How'd you deal with it?
Sometimes, but I try to not let it get to me. Yes, I know kids are a PITN and quite a joy, but sometimes, it gets rude when that's all they can talk about without making any effort to shift the conversation. I do feel bad for a neighborhood kid I grew up with, as she had a miscarriage many years back, and last I heard, she's unable to have any children.
I read an article how in China, those who are under 30 and not married are greatly stigmatized. During Chinese Lunar New Year, EVERYONE makes a trek back home to visit family (US makes a big deal about thanksgiving, but more people here have the option to postpone/reschedule if they got other plans, or travel is too hectic. That's when those folks get hassled by their parents. They actually have a service where you can rent a fake bf/gf to avoid such hassling
Giving birth at age 35 you will be considered "high risk", do not believe the hype that you can wait until you are 40, unless you want to risk being childless.
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