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I have had this "Friend" in my life who cancels all the time for the last 3 out of 9 years I have known her and the like, why would someone say yes then bail last minute all the time like, "Im Sick" , "Something else came up" , "Im now busy" , "Im stressed" are just the countless excuses she has used to get out of plans with me. what would you do?
I had a friend like this. Same exact thing. Turned out she was suffering from depression. She would make the plans with the best of intentions, but then when the actual time came to leave, she couldn't do it. This all came out after I confronted her about it after the 5th time or so in a row she stood me up.
I believe a lot of social avoidance stems from mental health issues so that could be a possibility here.
because they can't say no initially, or they are taking you for granted, mental health issues, anxiety, using you as a back up, they decide they can't be bothered, a power play, who knows. Like the other poster you should ask your friend about it.
You teach people how to treat you by what you're willing to accept or don't accept. I'd say your friend feels this is okay because you have let it go the past 3 years.
I think she has some anxiety, PTSD, depression... something like that going on. That you know of, has she had anything traumatic happen in her life, in the last 2 or 3 years? Maybe a divorce, major sickness, death of a loved one?
I had a friend like this too, once. She would even be the one suggesting some outing. When it came down to it, she never followed through. So we remained friends at work and through email, but nothing face-to-face. Just how it was. In the past now.
I had a friend like this. Same exact thing. Turned out she was suffering from depression. She would make the plans with the best of intentions, but then when the actual time came to leave, she couldn't do it. This all came out after I confronted her about it after the 5th time or so in a row she stood me up.
I believe a lot of social avoidance stems from mental health issues so that could be a possibility here.
This is the reason.
I have done this before when going through tough times after losing my daughter. Good intentions when I accepted, but on the day, knowing if I went out in public I would not be able to stop myself from crying if I felt tired or overwhelmed.
A friend I have who consistently does this does so because she has significant social anxiety.
She will accept an invitation with the best of intentions, but then become overwhelmed by the prospect wham the time comes. She is also embarrassed by her anxiety, and often accepts invitations, knowing she'll cancel, rather than have a frank discussion about how she isn't comfortable accepting.
I have had this "Friend" in my life who cancels all the time for the last 3 out of 9 years I have known her and the like, why would someone say yes then bail last minute all the time like, "Im Sick" , "Something else came up" , "Im now busy" , "Im stressed" are just the countless excuses she has used to get out of plans with me. what would you do?
1. She could have an anxiety disorder similar to agoraphobia, think she can go through with it, but ends up backing out of commitments. I had a friend like this. It was frustrating.
2. More likely, she is an unreliable person and a fickle "friend" who can not be counted upon.
I'd distance myself from her. I would not make ay further plans, because basically it's like flipping a coin - she may come though, and she may not.
I hope that you have other reliable friends. If not, please make some. All of these disappointments must be upsetting - an damaging to your self esteem.
I would try to talk to her about it..she might reveal a little more. I just noticed you said the last 3 of 9 years...so was she reliable for the first 6? Has something changed? Might be some clues there. I would ask her about it straight out if you feel up to it
If not, let it lie. Don't make plans with her for a while. See what happens.
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