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my mom wants to move to another state, she says she will leave my dad by one day leaving without telling him when he is not home, the reason is for something he did many years ago-- child sexual abuse -- to me when I was 5-12. I told her when I was 20. I moved to another state after I told but she kept telling me to move back and I did a year later. Now over 10 years after I moved back she has been saying for years we have to move because of what he did to me. I am in my early 30s. I already quit a job for personal reasons. I told her we can move next month and she says she is going to do it. But this can be dangerous if you think about it. When I told my mom 13 years ago about the abuse he wrote a suicide letter and was hiding in a closet. But my mom forgave him since she is religious. Now if my mom leaves and I will be going with her he can possibly turn suicidal again. I don't know what to do. Also, my other siblings who don't live here will blame it all on me just like they did the first time I told. A few weeks after I told my mom had to be taken to the hospital for an emergency. She said she was thinking about the abuse and that's when she just fell and my dad took her to the bed where she wasn't responding at all. It took minutes for her to come back and she said she was conscious and was also thirsty. I forgot what the doctor called it. My dad the day I told my mom fainted, this was after we found him in the closet. To anyone who was sexually abused by a family member, it's better not to tell, especially if it stopped happening years ago. I only caused more problems and made everything worse.
OP, you didn't cause "more" problems, your dad caused, and continues to threaten to cause, nearly all of them. You shouldn't be held hostage by his threats. He's already caused enough damage. If he chooses to commit suicide, that's his choice. It would not be your fault. But it's fairly safe to assume he's using that to be manipulative. That's how those types of threats often work, if they're made by a known offender of some sort.
If a suicide note was found before, that could be turned into the police. It's evidence written in his own hand, that he's considering offing himself (which is illegal), and that he's trying to emotionally blackmail you and your mother.
How would your mom get by, moving out of state? Does she work?
OP, you didn't cause "more" problems, your dad caused, and continues to threaten to cause, nearly all of them. You shouldn't be held hostage by his threats. He's already caused enough damage. If he chooses to commit suicide, that's his choice. It would not be your fault. But it's fairly safe to assume he's using that to be manipulative. That's how those types of threats often work, if they're made by a known offender of some sort.
If a suicide note was found before, that could be turned into the police. It's evidence written in his own hand, that he's considering offing himself (which is illegal), and that he's trying to emotionally blackmail you and your mother.
How would your mom get by, moving out of state? Does she work?
the suicide letter was thrown away 13 years ago, the same day it was written, she plans to find a job and so do I if we move
You are now an adult. You don't need to be tied to either parent if you don't want to be. They no longer have
"authority" to make you do anything. Do what is right for YOU. Once you are your own person, you can CHOOSE to support your mom if you care to.
I would just go by myself. Your mom is always going to be tied to the old life. She's not going to cut off the siblings. You're going to still be impacted by their energy. They will have your address. They will give it to your dad.
If your mom already forgave him bc of guilt and religion, the odds are that she'd be even more susceptible to it now that your siblings will tell her he's old and can't take care of himself, etc.
If you make your own life, you can keep in touch with your mom but keep yourself out of the rest of it.
my mom wants to move to another state, she says she will leave my dad by one day leaving without telling him when he is not home, the reason is for something he did many years ago-- child sexual abuse -- to me when I was 5-12. I told her when I was 20. I moved to another state after I told but she kept telling me to move back and I did a year later. Now over 10 years after I moved back she has been saying for years we have to move because of what he did to me. ....
So, a decade ago - after she knew what happened - she induced you to move back. And then she starts hectoring you that you both have to leave because of what he did.
I would stay as far away from her as you might want to from him. Sounds like she has her own agenda. And it might be a great idea to get a life of your own away from the both of them.
So, a decade ago - after she knew what happened - she induced you to move back. And then she starts hectoring you that you both have to leave because of what he did.
I would stay as far away from her as you might want to from him. Sounds like she has her own agenda. And it might be a great idea to get a life of your own away from the both of them.
I live on my own for a year. I didn't like it. I felt lonely. I do not plan to ever have a girlfriend for many reasons.
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