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Yes, I agree -- everyone is different, but MOST people do not look good after 50. Many do, but most don't. And, also, I repeatedly stressed that my opinion is just that -- my opinion! Opinion is not necessarily fact, but my opinion is based just on what I have observed and heard from others in my generation. But, again, my opinion might not be actual truth.
I also agree that people who can maintain sexual attractiveness and continue to have sexual relations are to be congratulated.
No need for hostility, in any case.
I don't know that you have received any hostility as I have seen the posts which disagree with yours. I share their sentiments and yet bear you no ill will. If it is true that most people do not look good after 50 then that simply is the way it is, and most people learn to work with that. It isn't something that needs to be congratulated, it is that people who cannot learn to... mature... along with their changing bodies need to learn to be more open minded. Otherwise you wind up growing apart. You think things are just fine and your partner is ok with the lack of physical intimacy because they aren't making any outward signs of discontent and BOOM the other shoe drops out of the blue and things get very messy and fraught.
One might speculate it isn't easy for a lady in her 60s to date someone younger. The pool is probably shallow. That's an educated guess; if incorrect, someone will pipe up I'm sure.
I'm 50 and a fraction as 'randy' as say early 30s, or or heaven forbid teens. I really don't care, seems like a natural progression. When an athlete, fourteen years ago, I was quite 'active' as I assume my 'systems' were all going full-steam: cardio, endocrine, etc. That's what my GP doctor said, at the time, with a chuckle.
For a man, it can be a mild relief not to be a hound anymore. Does cause one to find other constructive ways to spend the spare time, though, hopefully for good vs. ill.
Don't we have the internet for this kind of thing though?
I know lots of 30-something couples. They do well relationship-wise---props to them for that---but "fun" is the last word I'd use to describe them. The women just want to enjoy quiet evenings at home, or do "wholesome couple things", like going to a family restaurant. And the men go along with it without voicing ideas of their own, even though they used to be pretty active. It's the main reason I swore off relationships at least until I'm 60. And along with that, I lost all traces of interest in sex. Submitting myself to someone else's demands isn't worth all the sex in the world. And the "Me Too" movement permanently put me off one-nighters, which I've had and enjoyed. Looks like the middle-school abstinence preaching came full circle .
One of my best friends is like this, though I have no idea what his sex life is like.
She is a manager with a Big 4 accounting firm. Lots of hours, particularly during tax season. When she gets home, it's basically plop down on the couch. He doesn't have quite as good of a job, but has better work-life balance and is well above median income himself. He's always been a more out and about person, at least for the time I've known them. When they got married, he was much less apt to do anything.
I just have to observe that whenever the topic is abstinence or celibacy or singlehood... even the proponents, many of whom have been in those lifestyles for decades... over years here, I have yet to see one of them no matter how much they claim to be happy. I haven't seen any say that they don't intend to pair up at some point in the future. Why? If being single is so wonderful, why spoil it? But, I also have to wonder, what makes someone who has been living a solo, celibate life for ... 20 years... what make them think anyone will want to consider them for a serious LTR that includes physical intimacy and all the rest of it?
I just have to observe that whenever the topic is abstinence or celibacy or singlehood... even the proponents, many of whom have been in those lifestyles for decades... over years here, I have yet to see one of them no matter how much they claim to be happy. I haven't seen any say that they don't intend to pair up at some point in the future. Why? If being single is so wonderful, why spoil it? But, I also have to wonder, what makes someone who has been living a solo, celibate life for ... 20 years... what make them think anyone will want to consider them for a serious LTR that includes physical intimacy and all the rest of it?
Many people will say "happy" when they mean "content", so there's that. In my case, it's a simple cost/benefit balance. Since I'm not Chad Thunder, my only channel toward sex is through a relationship. And in a relationship, my costs would be:
1. I have to stop hanging out with my fun Meetup groups and other single friends.
2. I have to be joined at the hip with my live-in girlfriend 24/7 (outside of work).
3. I have to do what she says at home.
4. I have to go along with her wishes all the time.
5. I have to provide gifts at Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day, birthday, Christmas, and anniversary.
6. I have to constantly figure out why she's mad at me, with her not telling me.
7. I have to report home on time, sharp, and get in the doghouse if I'm late.
8. I have to engage only in "wholesome couple things", to the exclusion of everything else.
In exchange, the only benefit I'd get would be sex. And at my age, mid 30's, my sex drive is too damn low to make putting up with all that worth my while. I really, truly have no interest in "having someone care about me" or anything like that, which renders those benefits worse than useless. Because oftentimes, "caring" get used as a cheap pretext for controlling a person.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 02-16-2018 at 12:28 PM..
I do see a lot of my younger co-workers glued to the phone as it is a leash... goes both ways.
It is always the spouse/significant other saying are you off and will expect you in so many minutes... or bring home dinner or stop at the market.
I live in area that had no cell coverage... just the geography here that affects about 40 homes.
Feel sorry for those having to account for their whereabouts every minute of the day...
My parents were never like that... not that they had cell phones... if Dad was running late making a sale... he would call... Mom never knew for sure when he would be home where the neighbors worked at a factory that shut down at 4:30 and he was expected to be home by 4:50 or had to answer for it...
My grandparents were farmers... during harvest or planting Grandpa would be home after sunset and often leave at sunrise.
My parents were never like that... not that they had cell phones... if Dad was running late making a sale... he would call... Mom never knew for sure when he would be home where the neighbors worked at a factory that shut down at 4:30 and he was expected to be home by 4:50 or had to answer for it...
My friends are the same way. I invited them to have a happy hour beer with me after work. "No." I invited them to work out at the gym with me after work (it's more "wife-sanctioned" than a beer). "No." All because they have to go straight home, no detours. I swear to god, it's like being a kid again, in a bad way. When you can't even stop at a friend's house for an hour of video games after school, at least not without getting explicit permission from your parents, and often being told "no".
That alone was enough to kill my interest in relationships. And my sex drive along with it, with no hope of reviving it.
I have heard couples that use the tracking feature or grab a spouses phone and cull through the numbers...
We had a rep that would call at the Hospital and are scheduler was coordinating training... she called him one time on his cell... to confirm from the her hospital scheduler number.
She gets a call from a woman wanting to know why she had called her husband... the scheduler said who is your husband... then the scheduler asks if he works in pharmaceutical and she says yes...
The woman said don't ever call my husband again!
Unbelievable but true to the point the scheduler documented the call... should anything come of it later.
Once upon a time an elderly caucasian man befriended me on the sandy shores of California and whispered into my ear, "they're all sirens-- each and every one of them." I was in my late twenties and my longest relationship with the opposite sex was about 3 months.
5 years later and I have not found enough evidence to refute his statement.
Once upon a time an elderly caucasian man befriended me on the sandy shores of California and whispered into my ear, "they're all sirens-- each and every one of them." I was in my late twenties and my longest relationship with the opposite sex was about 3 months.
5 years later and I have not found enough evidence to refute his statement.
While I wouldn't go that far---I have a few good friends who are women---I adopted a personal rule of never allowing anyone to get near me romantically. (Truth be told, I rarely have to enforce it .) Because things always starts out lighthearted, noncommittal, and fun. But then the demands and obligations start pouring in. Soon enough, everything you do is on the other person's terms. What you want no longer matters.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 02-16-2018 at 04:03 PM..
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, my only channel toward sex is through a relationship. And in a relationship, my costs would be:
