Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
"How do you grapple with the fact that our days on earth (as well as those of our loved ones) are numbered?"
Interesting thread. I was born before WWII. I'm helping to plan our 60th high school reunion. A few of us are going to have a forum for any interested current high school students. One of my goals in high school six decades ago was to live in an old farm house on 100 acres in Maine. I live on 107 acres with a brook and waterfalls. The house was built in 1885. I am the third owner.
I am the fourth generation in my family to be married 50 years or more. Many people here live to be 100. That said, I served in four revolutions on various continents. I was a naval aviator and used to fly SEALs around in helicopters. Life can indeed be short and violent. I rescued a bunch of people from the American Embassy in Santo Domingo. There were about 2,500 dead civilions in the streets. It was hot there. The local coroner and funeral home were not going to come out to pick up the bodies. You can't bring them into your house.
Life can indeed be short and violent to boot. Look up "Desiderata". It begins with, "Go placidly amidst the noise and haste." I do that. We have many choices each and every day. I have a request:
Think on these things and next Tuesday, vote responsibly. Vote for freedom.
Last edited by Northern Maine Land Man; 11-01-2018 at 04:13 AM..
Reason: typo
That happened to me, and my favorite professor, too. I knew he'd retired, but I expected him to be around for a long time, afterward. He was a real ground-breaker, setting up an important non-profit in his field, and making other contributions to his field during his career. He was a great guy! Then suddenly, at 70, he was gone! 70 may sound old, if you're 33, but for those retiring at 65, it really isn't. Someone brilliant and active like him would still be living a busy and rewarding life at that age. I know others like that. But suddenly, he no longer existed! I don't know what the cause of death was; I suppose I could try to look it up, if it's mentioned in his obit. But usually an early death like that is due to cardio-related issues of some sort.
How to cope, knowing that life not only is short, but that it may be cut short any day? You make the most of it, of course. You look for ways to contribute, beyond your job. You find a project or cause that speaks to you, or you may get involved with helping younger family members, guiding them or whatever; maybe travel or study to learn more about the world; do whatever speaks to you, to enrich your life, vs. vegging out to the TV after work everyday.
My son was shocked when his three favorite professors at UW died in one year, 2017. I was more shocked then he was because their ages were 52, 57, and 57, much closer to me in age than to my son. That shock made me even more determined to make the most of my time on Earth. We don't know the day or the hour...
What I did is get busy traveling and doing other things important to me in my 30's and 40's instead of putting it off until retirement. I'm glad I did.
Me too. I had an epiphany in my late 30s that if I wanted to do my bucket list, I better do it then while I was physically able. So I took off several years and did just that. So glad I did, as I could not do them now. Of course in the Retirement forum, that is considered "a lifetime of bad decisions" LOL. It did lower my SS but that's the choice we make.
I am carrying that idea forward now in my 60s, so spending money I probably "shouldn't" to take some trips to Europe before that too is beyond me.
Painful joints and limited mobility make me really not mind if that last day comes sooner rather than later. What do I care? I'll be dead. (no children, so I know that makes a difference) I have no desire to live a really long time.
Not sure I'm looking forward to "Judgement Day" but I have to believe God is just. And that the evil-doers will "get theirs"!
Yesterday I decided to Google my favorite college professor to see if he'd published anything new lately. (He and I kept in touch after I graduated in 2007.)
To my disbelief, one of the links that came up in the search results pointed to his obituary. I said to myself "It can't be him," but it was. He died at 65 earlier this year. Coincidentally, another professor I had also passed away a couple of months ago.
Back when I was in college and taking classes with these professors, I was in my early 20s, and now I'm 33. I'm closer to 40 now than I am to 20, which seems hard to believe.
It feels like yesterday I was in class listening to these guys lecture, and they're both gone. It's crazy.
How do you grapple with the fact that our days on earth (as well as those of our loved ones) are numbered?
I strive harder to create a greater impact in less time, and not waste an entire day unless I'm sick.
But I am still struggling with a fear of death, specifically the fear of no longer having consciousness. I get anxious right before I go to sleep because it's a state of unconscious and feels like I'm close to death.
Can't do much about it. Take care of yourself and value the people in your life. Cultivate your interests and love in your life. Build a community. I don't have a husband or kids, but if I got hit by a bus, there would be mass mourning among my friends, family and coworkers, with memorial services in multiple states. We all die alone, but we don't have to live alone.
Yesterday I decided to Google my favorite college professor.
I've occasionally done this with exes and old classmates. Without fail it is almost always depressing. So I'd suggest if you aren't close enough with someone that you text them weekly or at least send them happy holidays or birthday wishes they should stay out of your life if you want to be happier and mentally healthier.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
I'm closer to 40 now than I am to 20, which seems hard to believe.
I'm not sure humans can understand aging on a subjective level. The passage of time perhaps, but aging, no.
Personally speaking I'm currently in better shape than I have been at any other time in my life and still have my looks for the most part, which makes it harder to understand aging. I can still date younger if I so choose and other than often feeling tired (I work odd hours now, but when I was younger I didn't sleep much so it's sort of the same deal) mentally & physically I don't really feel very old.
Honestly old is a number that until I reach that age then when I reach it it moves to some other age down the road.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
How do you grapple with the fact that our days on earth (as well as those of our loved ones) are numbered?
I've tried a number of times to grapple with my own mortality, but I've mostly failed.
Although the assumption is the lack of life is just nothingness, which you won't be able to perceive anyway thus is unimportant to spend too much time dwelling on.
Another aspect I've found odd about aging is our perception of time does in fact seem to speed up. There are a lot of theories out there, but I tend to think it's due to the lack of milestones & experiences as we age beyond a certain point.
When you're 5 everything's new & a year lasts forever.
When you're 18-21 your social life is going full force & you have lots of new experiences.
But when you're 30 you do the same handful of things over and over again. You spend all your time on work & if you're luck family.
Whenever you do the same thing so often it gets put on autopilot your brain tends to ignore it. I'd imagine it's sort of the same deal as when you're driving and even though your mind wanders & you're not really paying attention (more of a hypnotic state, not texting or some such) you still reach your destination safely.
So my short answer is to create new and unfamiliar experiences to force your brain to pay attention to life.
As for family when my folks retired I stuck around to save up money and spend time with them since I figured I may regret it later when they're gone. Backfired.
Being around them often tends to allow procrastination to grow. Allows you to take things for granted easier. "Oh, I can see them tomorrow." "My cousin's just down the road, I can visit whenever I want." And so on.
I mean I guess technically the family spends more time together and we all get together for holidays & birthdays, but that's mostly it.
But my memories of spending time with aunts & uncles & grandparents & cousins is much stronger from when it was a special event or a week's worth of summer vacation.
So as counter-intuitive as it may be I think limiting your time around loved ones (although keeping in contact other ways) is going to be a better way to spend your time.
And lastly when I was younger I thought working for 30-40 years only to retired and get to enjoy maybe 10-15 when you're too old to really enjoy some things was a raw deal. So as much as possible I spent my younger years doing everything I wanted to do. Then when it became not as socially acceptable at a certain age to do those "younger things" I focused on securing my future financially.
I could be told I had a week left and be fine with that. I mean I wouldn't be happy, but as far as regrets & having lived life I'm good.
So to recap:
1. Create new experiences.
2. Limit time with loved ones.
3. Make sure to do everything you want to do so you have no regrets. Preferably early in life when it has less of a chance to come back to bite you.
And I'd add a #4 to not dwell on it, but that's generally out of most people's hands so I won't.
Yesterday I decided to Google my favorite college professor to see if he'd published anything new lately. (He and I kept in touch after I graduated in 2007.)
To my disbelief, one of the links that came up in the search results pointed to his obituary. I said to myself "It can't be him," but it was. He died at 65 earlier this year. Coincidentally, another professor I had also passed away a couple of months ago.
Back when I was in college and taking classes with these professors, I was in my early 20s, and now I'm 33. I'm closer to 40 now than I am to 20, which seems hard to believe.
It feels like yesterday I was in class listening to these guys lecture, and they're both gone. It's crazy.
How do you grapple with the fact that our days on earth (as well as those of our loved ones) are numbered?
At your age when you see people you know die it triggers this exact response which is normal for all people. The difference in my opinion is that when you're younger you typical shake it off a lot quicker, it fades from memory faster than when older. I don't think older people obsess on it, just it's a bit different.
I'm late 40's now and I find myself thinking about and realizing much much more about the fact that the finality of life is CERTAIN. You just don't think about those things much when younger, nor should people. I don't go all Woody Allen about it, but I find myself acknowledging death even without a death of a friend or someone I know.
I know that you hear about a celebrity death you might not think much about it or maybe have a thought or two or whatever. When I heard about Robin Williams death it stuck with me for days, I thought about it off and on for several days, I've never done that before and I think I know why now but for me his death really drove home the shortness of life.
What his death and any death for that matter, has driven home is that you have to really try and take time to live, love, to enjoy and to not take things so seriously. I try to do this but I slip up frequently and get grumpy and complain or whatever.
The urgency to "do" is much more there now and I'm sure is a normal process of getting older for a lot of people.
I guess what I'm saying in a long way is that you can't "do" anything about death per se so don't spend time thinking about death, but spend time thinking about the here, the now, and just do the best you can.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't know what the cause of death was; I suppose I could try to look it up, if it's mentioned in his obit. But usually an early death like that is due to cardio-related issues of some sort.
