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Yesterday I decided to Google my favorite college professor to see if he'd published anything new lately. (He and I kept in touch after I graduated in 2007.)
To my disbelief, one of the links that came up in the search results pointed to his obituary. I said to myself "It can't be him," but it was. He died at 65 earlier this year. Coincidentally, another professor I had also passed away a couple of months ago.
Back when I was in college and taking classes with these professors, I was in my early 20s, and now I'm 33. I'm closer to 40 now than I am to 20, which seems hard to believe.
It feels like yesterday I was in class listening to these guys lecture, and they're both gone. It's crazy.
How do you grapple with the fact that our days on earth (as well as those of our loved ones) are numbered?
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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On the other hand, I also have googled and found 2 of my favorite college professors and one high school teacher died in the last few years - they were all in their mid-late 80s. I recently discovered that my first boss in Oakland CA (1975) lives not far from me in WA and went to dinner with him, he's 82 and still healthy. I have, however, lost a brother and a sister, who are much younger than me (66). Life can be short, or it can be long, you just never know, so no use fretting over it.
I don't feel like I should be 33 at all. I didn't graduate until I was 24. Between that and a slow professional start due to the Great Recession, I didn't land my first "career track" job until I was 27, about a month from being 28. I was about five years behind schedule. At 32, I'm about where I thought I'd be at 27-28 had someone asked me "where do you think you'll be in five years?" when I was 22.
IMO, I've lived in a somewhat unconventional life. I was 25 before I took my first vacation completely alone (I either went with romantic partners or family until then). I spent 18-21 mostly chasing older women (women who would not be mostly 50+). Aside from one relationship, I've never had a romantic partner within three years of my age - the first ones were much older, and I've had some recently that were quite a bit younger than me. Aside from a brief spell in my early 20s, I've never lived with a romantic partner, and have never combined finances.
Most of my high school and college peers have multiple kids. I still don't have any desire to be a father. I keep an open mind about marriage, but I'm in no rush. I definitely don't want to be anchored down with a large mortgage, kids in school, wife, etc., in my local area.
My short to medium term goal is to be out of this area by 1/2020. I'd like to drop 40-50 lbs. by then. I live in an older, very culturally conservative area. I've missed the boat on the family and kids thing here. I need to move to a larger city where there are going to people that have more in common with me.
Reincarnation? There's so many convincing stories even a science minded agnostic like myself has to question our reality, including one my grandmother had when she was young and suffered an allergic reaction to something given to her by hospital staff...
Youre right that 10 years seems to go by very fast. I'm 37? WTF has the time gone? Oh I spent it posting here? What? . Am I going to be able to tame my amygdala? Will I have the discipline to pursue my goals while accepting who I am right now? Will I make proper use of my time? The fact I'm even posting this suggests I won't but I must admit I made a gem post I was proud of earlier that reinforced some of what I've learned so I'll take it. Haha. I try to limit myself to only useful internet use now, and the psychology section of this forum qualifies.
I'm the opposite of the above guy, I want just one woman who understands and accepts my flawed self, to pump out 2-3 kids with her, and make some memories, but the clock is ticking, and my nervous system is still working against me.
I think a lot of it is in my philosophy of enjoying the journey and not worrying so much about the destination. I mean, I've got goals, sure, but they are not set in stone. They are nebulous, shifting things. And there has never been one specific outcome I felt I needed in order to have lived a worthy life. They're all just interesting possibilities.
But the journey...oh, the journey. It's been wonderful. And new opportunities for creating amazing memories come up on the horizon all the time. Even the hardships though, have made me feel stronger, and taught me things so I feel wiser. Even a very bad experience, if I survive it, is an opportunity for growth and therefore a gift. And if I do not survive it, well, I'll be dead so I won't care, I figure. What gets me is thinking "One day, you will experience death. You will be lying there feeling your life end, your body fail." That scares me a bit. I hope I am able to go painlessly in my sleep or something. I knew a man who died when he OD'ed on heroin. As terrible as it is that we lost him, and as much as I wish I had him back in my life, as does everyone who knew him because he was a wonderful man...he was found with a smile on his face. I hope he faded away in a beautiful dream, with no pain or suffering. Since we've all got to go one day, maybe that's the best way. I don't know.
If you really think about it, most of us at best have roughly about 36,500 days to live, that's about 100 years, and that is relatively short amount of time.
It is inevitable that we all die at some point in life, but the difference is what you done in life. Life itself is a process, the second that just passed would never come back, so is best to be aware that here and now is the most important part of life. Living requires courage because we constantly suffer for as long as we live. We are living in an imperfect world, so do the best you can and know your own limit.
In order for you to cope with reality life, you have to accept what is in front of you.
I used to worry about things like this. Then I thought, what if I made it to 80 and realized I had wasted 30 years worrying? So now I try to enjoy each day and do something positive.
Yesterday I decided to Google my favorite college professor to see if he'd published anything new lately. (He and I kept in touch after I graduated in 2007.)
To my disbelief, one of the links that came up in the search results pointed to his obituary. I said to myself "It can't be him," but it was. He died at 65 earlier this year. Coincidentally, another professor I had also passed away a couple of months ago.
Back when I was in college and taking classes with these professors, I was in my early 20s, and now I'm 33. I'm closer to 40 now than I am to 20, which seems hard to believe.
It feels like yesterday I was in class listening to these guys lecture, and they're both gone. It's crazy.
How do you grapple with the fact that our days on earth (as well as those of our loved ones) are numbered?
As you get older (I'm 61), you realize more and more how precious life is. Time seems to go quicker and quicker.
I "grapple" with this by planning future events, next day, next week, next year, even 5 years from now what I'd like to do and what trips I'd like to go on.
My and my husband's health is holding so far, so I think that we will succeed in doing them and adding more future events, so we just live with the hope that we will.
They say to live each day as if it were your last.
I guess I agree with that statement, but planning fun events for the future keeps me upbeat and looking forward to living.
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. Am I going to be able to tame my amygdala? Will I have the discipline to pursue my goals while accepting who I am right now? Will I make proper use of my time? The fact I'm even posting this suggests I won't but I must admit I made a gem post I was proud of earlier that reinforced some of what I've learned so I'll take it. Haha. I try to limit myself to only useful internet use now, and the psychology section of this forum qualifies.
