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It's true, but is more or less of a problem depending upon where you live, I believe. In my small southern town, I -- a single, childless woman by choice -- might as well have two heads. In Manhattan, I doubt anyone would think twice about this. So consider relocation?
It's true, but is more or less of a problem depending upon where you live, I believe. In my small southern town, I -- a single, childless woman by choice -- might as well have two heads. In Manhattan, I doubt anyone would think twice about this. So consider relocation?
Don't give up your low cost-of-living for that, unless you've got lots of career ahead of you.
Yes and in particular I think mothers are judged most harshly. Every thread about a kid acting up or acting spoiled, mom is the target of hate while dad is barely an afterthought.
Certain inflammatory BS aside, it does annoy me how vicious people are towards parents. I mean it's bad enough when it's simply the newfangled online version of a schoolyard bully seeing a vulnerable spot and trying to poke a stick at it.
But the Parenting forum is one of the most vicious ones on the whole site, IMO. It rivals P&OC. Even legit posters will come in and try and FIND some way of saying you're a bad parent. That is the ultimate goal. Not helping. Making you feel bad, kicking you when you're down. Because when a parent is worried about their kid, that's exactly what they need right?
I agree with Socky McPuppet on one thing...a parent will face a lot more judgment, and it's a LOT more hurtful, than anyone who has remained child free. Every parent just out there trying to do their best and somebody's always going to be there to rip into them or tell them that "Well if you're not doing XYZ you're a terrible parent." And even if you've done everything theoretically "right," you really cannot really control how your kids ultimately end up and if it's anything but perfect, you will feel you're to blame. So there you are doing the hardest job there is and everybody, even/especially those who have never done it and have no idea what they're actually talking about, has something critical to say.
Certain inflammatory BS aside, it does annoy me how vicious people are towards parents. I mean it's bad enough when it's simply the newfangled online version of a schoolyard bully seeing a vulnerable spot and trying to poke a stick at it.
But the Parenting forum is one of the most vicious ones on the whole site, IMO. It rivals P&OC. Even legit posters will come in and try and FIND some way of saying you're a bad parent. That is the ultimate goal. Not helping. Making you feel bad, kicking you when you're down. Because when a parent is worried about their kid, that's exactly what they need right?
I agree with Socky McPuppet on one thing...a parent will face a lot more judgment, and it's a LOT more hurtful, than anyone who has remained child free. Every parent just out there trying to do their best and somebody's always going to be there to rip into them or tell them that "Well if you're not doing XYZ you're a terrible parent." And even if you've done everything theoretically "right," you really cannot really control how your kids ultimately end up and if it's anything but perfect, you will feel you're to blame. So there you are doing the hardest job there is and everybody, even/especially those who have never done it and have no idea what they're actually talking about, has something critical to say.
I just saw a news segment yesterday that reflects exactly what you say. This woman lost her two-year-old recently to the flu. She had gotten him a flu shot several weeks before he got the flu. It must’ve been a different strain then the shot covered. However anti-vaccers online have been torturing this woman, calling her a murderer and saying that it’s her fault that her child is dead because she got him that vaccination.
It was another story of very very tragic one, about a little toddler girl who got out of the house in the middle of the night at an apartment they just moved into. The door locked behind her and she couldn’t get back in, and she froze to death outside. Again those parents were attacked for not for realizing that their toddler might get out of bed in the middle of the night and walk outside into freezing cold weather, and not preparing for it.
There was a time in the not too distant past, when someone losing a child would generate compassion and empathy. Now it’s only knee-jerk judgement, hate and blame. It is very very sad.
People on the forums act like good parents can never lose track of their children long enough for them to do anything bad like breaking something accidentally. They have unreasonable expectations of both children and parents, and think the former should be under control every second, they think that any parent who isnt constantly micromanaging their kid every microsecond is a bad parent. But then they turn around and accuse parents of helicopter parenting on the other hand.
Certain inflammatory BS aside, it does annoy me how vicious people are towards parents. I mean it's bad enough when it's simply the newfangled online version of a schoolyard bully seeing a vulnerable spot and trying to poke a stick at it.
But the Parenting forum is one of the most vicious ones on the whole site, IMO. It rivals P&OC. Even legit posters will come in and try and FIND some way of saying you're a bad parent. That is the ultimate goal. Not helping. Making you feel bad, kicking you when you're down. Because when a parent is worried about their kid, that's exactly what they need right?
I agree with Socky McPuppet on one thing...a parent will face a lot more judgment, and it's a LOT more hurtful, than anyone who has remained child free. Every parent just out there trying to do their best and somebody's always going to be there to rip into them or tell them that "Well if you're not doing XYZ you're a terrible parent." And even if you've done everything theoretically "right," you really cannot really control how your kids ultimately end up and if it's anything but perfect, you will feel you're to blame. So there you are doing the hardest job there is and everybody, even/especially those who have never done it and have no idea what they're actually talking about, has something critical to say.
We're talking about criticism for being or not being a parent -- not criticism of one's parenting style. Apples and oranges.
Certain inflammatory BS aside, it does annoy me how vicious people are towards parents. I mean it's bad enough when it's simply the newfangled online version of a schoolyard bully seeing a vulnerable spot and trying to poke a stick at it.
But the Parenting forum is one of the most vicious ones on the whole site, IMO. It rivals P&OC. Even legit posters will come in and try and FIND some way of saying you're a bad parent. That is the ultimate goal. Not helping. Making you feel bad, kicking you when you're down. Because when a parent is worried about their kid, that's exactly what they need right?
I agree with Socky McPuppet on one thing...a parent will face a lot more judgment, and it's a LOT more hurtful, than anyone who has remained child free. Every parent just out there trying to do their best and somebody's always going to be there to rip into them or tell them that "Well if you're not doing XYZ you're a terrible parent." And even if you've done everything theoretically "right," you really cannot really control how your kids ultimately end up and if it's anything but perfect, you will feel you're to blame. So there you are doing the hardest job there is and everybody, even/especially those who have never done it and have no idea what they're actually talking about, has something critical to say.
When I was dating my ex husband, one of his brothers was already married and already had 2 little girls. Oh MY how my ex and I would judge the parenting skills of those 2 little girls parents. Stupid dumb ****, that once you ARE a parent, you know about...but when you DON'T have kids...and DON'T know what's up, you certainly THINK you know what's up. LOL (We didn't.)
And THEN we had kids. And we learned.
I'm just glad that my ex and I kept our opinions to ourselves. Mostly. LOL I shake my head at myself.
We're talking about criticism for being or not being a parent -- not criticism of one's parenting style. Apples and oranges.
Honestly, I just think it's a similar level of opinionated "maybe you should mind your own business" level BS when:
- A person with kids tells a child free person they will surely change their mind or they should have kids.
- A person with no kids tries to tell a parent how they should raise their kids.
Like maybe both could recognize that it's not their life, not their circus, not their monkeys, and quit being some Nosy Nancys and Judgy Janets.
But you know in my experience, the WORST of the judgment that child free women face, is when they want tubal ligation. I mean some get lucky and find a doc who will do it without being difficult, but a lot of women have to fight to get that done. A dear friend of mine has Type 1 Diabetes and having lived with this all her life, knowing it seems to run in her family, and being a counselor at a camp for diabetic kids...she never wanted to have her own children. She was open to the idea of adopting one day, but just did NOT want to pass on her genes. She had to go to several different doctors, and eventually found one with an office in another city hours away from where she lived, to find one that would give her a tubal ligation because she was in her mid 20's and didn't yet have any kids. All they saw, was a pretty, middle class young white lady whose uterus SURELY should not yet be shut down. I've heard the same stories from many women who wanted a TL. Doctors just don't want to accept that we know our own minds about this.
When I went to get one done, I was in the middle of a nasty divorce, I already had 2 kids, and I was 36. My doctor still argued with me like 5 or 6 times about it. She said I was sure to regret it. Her final argument when I was literally on the gurney in my gown with an IV in, signing forms, was "But what if you meet a man...?" I interrupted her with, "Oh, but I've met so many." I don't think she knew what to make of that.
I mean it's irritating when you just feel judged by random people whose opinions shouldn't matter that much, but when it is a matter of your healthcare...that's a whole new level right there.
Back in the day, when I was in my 20's, my BC pills were not covered by my insurance. I had to pay for them out of my pocket. I often wondered "Why do I pay for these out of my pocket, but a guy can get testerone therapy with insurance?
Even now, most insurances cover men getting hormone therapy if they want it, but not the case for women. (As far as I know. Maybe I'm wrong on that?)
Back in the day, when I was in my 20's, my BC pills were not covered by my insurance. I had to pay for them out of my pocket. I often wondered "Why do I pay for these out of my pocket, but a guy can get testerone therapy with insurance?
Even now, most insurances cover men getting hormone therapy if they want it, but not the case for women. (As far as I know. Maybe I'm wrong on that?)
No, you're not wrong, I get hormone pellets, they are not covered. Viagra is covered by all insurances, birth control is not. I always found it hypocritical like companies like Hobby Lobby fought not to pay for BC under their employees health care due to religious beliefs, but have no problem covering Viagra.
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