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for someone with anxiety the weed can worsen the symptoms (my case) but its not the same with everyone. I think things will get easier for you when you stop trying to be something you're not. Learn to embrace your weirdness, there will be plenty of awkward college girls that would love someone a little different. I used to be that kind of girl.
It really isn't if college is going to be better to you. But more if you are going to be better to yourself as you enter your adult years.
Unequivocally, no. Many folks who go to college will end up dropping out or finding out they were largely unprepared or too immature for it. And that’s after racking up tens of thousands of dollars in debt.
Your brain is still developing at the age you leave high school and you’ll make a lot of mistakes. Mistakes with managing money, mistakes with finding out what you want in life, staying focused, experimenting with weed, mistakes and choosing the wrong partner, etc.
Your primary goal needs to be treatment of your depression and anxiety. College is the last thing you need to worry about right now. Freedom from your parents doesn’t mean life gets easier, it just means you have a different set of problems to worry about.
One of the very stressful aspects of being an older teen is that you have many adult expectations on you, but you don't have adult freedoms or adult resources. It can create a sense of hopelessness and lack of self-efficacy which is a recipe for depression.
Once you're out on your own, life may not be easier, but it'll be YOURS.
I will not comment on the drugs, but no a fan of any of it. But, my experience was that getting out if HS was on of the best things to happen to me. You're almost done. Get a job and get out with normal adults. It will help you mature. Or go to a trade school, where you should meet more people serious. College is mostly a waste of money unless you're going for a STEM degree. Besides, liberal arts college is just extended childhood.
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As for college getting better - it heavily depends. Some colleges social scene is essentially High School 2.0. This seems especially true of small to medium sized universities located in areas that, shall we say, have a firm faith in the conventional and traditional ways of doing things. What worked for me is going to a urban university with a fairly large bohemian student body. I'd think twice before going to any university with a strong "school spirit" mentality, especially ones well-known for a wild party scene and/or Greek scene. Also, take a walk around campus and see how the people dress (hint: if their dress isn't that different from the typical high school student, only a few more years "grow up", odds are this is not going to be the school for you).
There's some great advice here, OP. And I wanted to comment, that you're pretty articulate about your situation, and have a lot of self-awareness. You must be pretty smart.
As others have noted, weird isn't necessarily bad. Weird can be good; weird can be creative. I don't know what you mean by "weird", so I'm interpreting that in a good way. Whatever your outside interests are, or even your academic interests, look for others who share one or more of your interests. Doing weed doesn't count; don't look for other weedies. As for your shyness around girls, maybe your therapist can help you with that. You could do some role-playing. What are you good at? Could you find a group, a club, or even just a couple of people, to enjoy something you're good at, and gain some confidence from that? Look for activities outside of school, clubs and events and interest groups out in the community for teens.
College can be transformational. You're starting with a fresh crowd of people, with a fresh image, that is--no one knows you were awkward or dorky, or in the out-crowd in HS. You've got a clean slate. You can do with it what you will; there's a lot of potential there. Look for clubs or informal groups, where you might meet people you have something in common with, or that simply may be interesting places to hang out. Explore. Look for courses on offbeat topics that sound interesting; usually, they'll have a smaller class size, that's more conducive to making friends. Seek creative outlets. Colleges have a counseling center, too, usually, so you can check that out, if you feel the need.
Where are you thinking of going to college, btw? Have you applied and been accepted somewhere?
It definitely can get better, OP, but stopping the self-medication would be a crucial step in that direction.
I thought the exact thing Ruth. For a high school kid, he writes better than I did when I graduated from college almost twenty years ago. Very articulate, as well as self aware. You've got a few things going for you op, you seem very intelligent, and very self aware. Which, in this day and age, means something. You should have a pretty fairly easy time getting those first few jobs, since you have such a good writing ability.
Where I think that you could use some help, is the self-medicating part. Be open to the option of getting help for that part. Learning how to live on lifes terms in sobriety now, will go a long way with helping you increase your chances of having a better life in the future. You might just be using marijuana now, but addiction is progressive. Meaning, that it gets worse. If you can get ahold of that, with your self-awareness, you should be better than fine. It wouldn't hurt to learn to step out of your comfort zone now, while you're still young. Breaking through that shyness now, will be a huge tool in increasing your chance at bettering yourself.
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Thanks for the replies. Fyi both my therapist and psychiatrist know about my chronic use of weed and occasional use of alcohol and consider it safe for me to continue taking lexapro. Y’all are definitely blowing the dangers of combining these substances out of proportion...
You can find lots of information about SSRI's & marijuana..& how it increases the severity of known side effects. You will also find numerous articles against people with depression, bipolar, or other mental health problems using alcohol or drugs while trying to reach an equilibrium at all & that is really true if you have a substance abuse problem or are at high risk for developing one. It is dangerous to "self medicate" & very common. You have to understand you are introducing chemicals & altering your mind which is already struggling to be "healthy"...why not put it aside for awhile, if there is no substance abuse problem, & work on what you need to work on? There will always be time in your life to party, but don't you want to be healthy 1st? You won't get feeling better & get healthy, tho...if you keep making excuses to stay in the fog.
It is not Ok to use drugs or alcohol to self medicate, people use drugs & alcohol to socialize & party...yes...but if it's done as a way to self medicate (that's how you said you used it), that is the 1st sign in what *could* become substance abuse, if it's not already. And substance abuse is V E R Y C O M M ON in people with depression & other undiagnosed mental health problems, that's why most psychiatrists would not condone it or recommend it... while trying to get your depression or anxiety under control with the use of an SSRI.
. I really hate myself, and I'm hoping all of this will change eventually but am becoming increasingly pessimistic. Thoughts?
Son; stop with the negative thinking!! Right Now!! This is your kick in the pants from someone who has been there...
High school is horrible. I hated it. I was a misfit (most of us were in high school), but I got out of Dodge and got over it. You need to focus outward, and forget about horrible high school, drinking, lousy friends, and weed. Why not look for volunteer situations where you can be of use to someone else? You need to stop thinking about yourself. Once you start thinking about the needs of others and giving of yourself to them, you will lose the pain of adolescence that you feel (not to belittle your situation - we have been there as well). Try it! By giving to others, you will be rewarded twice over.
If you really want to straighten yourself out, join the military. There is absolutely no time to feel sorry for yourself, and you will make friends, travel, and learn some good skills. Plus, your college will be paid for so you could go anywhere that you like if you pass the prerequisites. You will grow up sooner than later. The Coast Guard would be a great option - they save lives and defend our coastlines.. You will never regret it.
I learned very late in life that there is a concept called "agency," which means taking responsibility for your own actions, and being self-directed, as opposed to taking whatever comes your way. It reminds me of a poem, "Invictus" which you may or may not understand:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
One of the very stressful aspects of being an older teen is that you have many adult expectations on you, but you don't have adult freedoms or adult resources. It can create a sense of hopelessness and lack of self-efficacy which is a recipe for depression.
Once you're out on your own, life may not be easier, but it'll be YOURS.
This is a great post, great advice. I think that's very true, there's an awkward time early in your adult life where you have all of these big goals, big ambitions, and also big responsibilities but you're not fully equipped to handle them all. Even if you're smart and disciplined, the lack of resources can be a challenge and a stressful time. It's almost true that "youth is wasted on the young" because as great as it is to be 21 or in your 20s, there's so much uncertainty and hard work toward your goals, it's tough sometimes to stop and smell the roses, enjoy the journey, and appreciate your youth. I enjoy life more day to day at 36 than I did in my early 20s, at least.
I think it's good you're talking to people about your challenges, which is something I never did when I was younger. I just suffered some situational depression, so clearly not the same thing, but I'm sure that talking to someone could have helped in my case as well. You just have to stick with what your therapist tells you, try to find the positives going forward and for me, it was all about having clear goals of where I wanted to be years from now and setting smaller, more achievable goals along the way.
Sorry to say these are empty words to someone who is being medicated for depression & smoking marijuana or using alcohol to self medicate. The O.P. needs to talk to his psychiatrist about using marijuana while taking Lexapro...& also talk about some therapy. Right now his vision is clouded...& high school or college is hard enough as it is without mental health & substance abuse issues. It can only get better if those "clouds" are removed...or else it is on the road to becoming worse. O.P... I know a lot of teens & adults partake in alcohol & "party"....but it's very different if you are "self medicating" problems on a regular basis than just having "fun"......it can set you on a very dark road. It is also very different if you are also taking Lexapro for depression at the same time. It's important to get help now....so it does not turn into that darker road ahead. It can get better....but please get the help you need.
No one can make changes if s/he is not honest about why changes are needed and take responsibility for personal actions...
I hope he does have that conversation, but I also wonder why hasn’t the psychologist had him take a drug/urine/hair sample test to check for use/abuse...
No matter what the teen says—the doctor needs to know the truth of his use of any substances...
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