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The answer is yes. All human beings develop that facade as part of their natural defense mechanism. But in Western culture, it seems to be more extreme. We are deathly afraid of revealing our true nature to others.
Nothing like an ego death experience to get some understanding of what it's like to strip that facade.
Here is something I learned a long time ago. EVERY human on the planet has two selves. One that they reveal to the world, and one that no one but them ever sees. There are those secret little areas of ourselves that we do not reveal to even our mates, or anyone else, ever.
If a person is honest, we all have that going on.
I don’t really think that’s got to do with being authentic though. Being genuine doesn’t mean you get to do what you want, it doesn’t mean we have to share Everything like an open book, how exhausting for everyone.What it means is you don’t have to hide behind a mask, you stay true to your dreams and your beliefs and that manifests in how you live your life and the choices you make.. It’s not someone’s job to explain or give all the details to someone else in order to show authenticity. I might have quiet dreams about my art , what you might consider a secret area of self, but it’s not hidden in my actions because I forge ahead creating what I need to create without fear of judgement.
Some people consider you fake if you give them a compliment, or don’t share your life story, or choose not to discuss certain issues in social settings.
Of course if you preface any response with “if a person is honest” it’s obvious that a contrary answer will be viewed as not being genuine or honest , but then that boils down to other people’s perceptions.
The answer is yes. All human beings develop that facade as part of their natural defense mechanism. But in Western culture, it seems to be more extreme. We are deathly afraid of revealing our true nature to others.
Nothing like an ego death experience to get some understanding of what it's like to strip that facade.
The problem is that even when you reveal your true nature people bring their own biases and perceptions to the table and misinterpret and judge. I’m not afraid of it but it can be a challenge at times. Much of my art exposes my interior life,fears,loves,joys etc, so there is no hiding for me.
Thing I’ve learned is whether you wear a mask or not people in general will still judge, still misinterpret, still apply their own biases and perceptions so I figure I may as well just be myself.
This makes me think of something I've spoken to before here. I've lived in a lot of regions of the US. I grew up in Northern Virginia, in the sprawl of DC. I will never forget as a young adult, having moved to the Midwest, the first time I went into a fast food restaurant and the cashier smiled warmly at me and greeted me in a cheerful way. I felt almost hostile, like "What? What's your problem?" And I realized that this was my regional attitude because back East, people were not very casually friendly. They would call that "fake." As a very angsty, edgy teenager in that time and place, I used to say, "Don't blow sunshine up my arse, don't you tell me to have a nice day! You don't know me! You don't care what kind of a day I have!!"
But...lol...is that casual friendliness actually fake?
Is it not possible that the young man ringing up my order at Hardee's was just in a good mood and felt like being nice?
And the longer I live away from the traffic and bustle and "keepin' it real" negativity of that region, the more I've come to really appreciate casual friendliness. I compliment strangers when I feel it's appropriate, and I find that expressing positive sentiments makes me feel more positive. I'm a genuinely happy person. It isn't fake for me. I don't have to be someone's bestie to generally hope they have a pleasant day.
Now when I DO feel a need to "wear a mask"...which is not in my chosen social circles, but as I've said, in places like work, with certain relatives if I interact with them, that kind of thing...it's mostly a matter of respecting other people's boundaries. There are aspects of me that are pretty weird and not everyone wants to hear about it. I respect that, for the most part, I'm not 16 years old and out to shock the world anymore. But at least trying to be considerate, is also a part of who I am. So it's not "fake" exactly, it's just showing a different side of the complex human that I am. It does not have to be all or nothing.
This makes me think of something I've spoken to before here. I've lived in a lot of regions of the US. I grew up in Northern Virginia, in the sprawl of DC. I will never forget as a young adult, having moved to the Midwest, the first time I went into a fast food restaurant and the cashier smiled warmly at me and greeted me in a cheerful way. I felt almost hostile, like "What? What's your problem?" And I realized that this was my regional attitude because back East, people were not very casually friendly. They would call that "fake." As a very angsty, edgy teenager in that time and place, I used to say, "Don't blow sunshine up my arse, don't you tell me to have a nice day! You don't know me! You don't care what kind of a day I have!!"
But...lol...is that casual friendliness actually fake?
Is it not possible that the young man ringing up my order at Hardee's was just in a good mood and felt like being nice?
And the longer I live away from the traffic and bustle and "keepin' it real" negativity of that region, the more I've come to really appreciate casual friendliness. I compliment strangers when I feel it's appropriate, and I find that expressing positive sentiments makes me feel more positive. I'm a genuinely happy person. It isn't fake for me. I don't have to be someone's bestie to generally hope they have a pleasant day.
Now when I DO feel a need to "wear a mask"...which is not in my chosen social circles, but as I've said, in places like work, with certain relatives if I interact with them, that kind of thing...it's mostly a matter of respecting other people's boundaries. There are aspects of me that are pretty weird and not everyone wants to hear about it. I respect that, for the most part, I'm not 16 years old and out to shock the world anymore. But at least trying to be considerate, is also a part of who I am. So it's not "fake" exactly, it's just showing a different side of the complex human that I am. It does not have to be all or nothing.
Here is something I learned a long time ago. EVERY human on the planet has two selves. One that they reveal to the world, and one that no one but them ever sees. There are those secret little areas of ourselves that we do not reveal to even our mates, or anyone else, ever.
If a person is honest, we all have that going on.
I agree with you. I think we all keep certain aspects private for a variety of reason. But we also are very good actors when it comes to presenting ourselves to the world. This is not to say that we are lying per se when we act or adjust ourselves, but we are often definitely choreographing our personas in many ways, which can be a bit deceptive at times. But perhaps deception in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing.
Marlon Brando in this clip comments on how necessary and vital it is for humans to act in their everyday lives. I pretty much agree with everything that Marlon says here. He likens our "acting" to survival and basically says what he does on stage or in front of the camera is no different from what the average person does daily.
I agree with you. I think we all keep certain aspects private for a variety of reason. But we also are very good actors when it comes to presenting ourselves to the world. This is not to say that we are lying per se when we act or adjust ourselves, but we are often definitely choreographing our personas in many ways, which can be a bit deceptive at times. But perhaps deception in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing.
Marlon Brando in this clip comments on how necessary and vital it is for humans to act in their everyday lives. I pretty much agree with everything that Marlon says here. He likens our "acting" to survival and basically says what he does on stage or in front of the camera is no different from what the average person does daily.
I agree with you. I think we all keep certain aspects private for a variety of reason. But we also are very good actors when it comes to presenting ourselves to the world. This is not to say that we are lying per se when we act or adjust ourselves, but we are often definitely choreographing our personas in many ways, which can be a bit deceptive at times. But perhaps deception in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing.
Marlon Brando in this clip comments on how necessary and vital it is for humans to act in their everyday lives. I pretty much agree with everything that Marlon says here. He likens our "acting" to survival and basically says what he does on stage or in front of the camera is no different from what the average person does daily.
Personally, I feel phony in almost all social situations because I feel as if I am always wearing some type of social mask or filter that hides a large part of what I’m feeling or thinking or even desiring in various settings. And this is troubling to me.
I’m a social “morpher”; I can transition easily from one social group to the other easily & most of my communication is scripted. It’s not because I’m trying to deceive but due to social anxiety from ASD. I have developed a pretty good sense of what you need to see from me in order for you to engage with me, depending on who you are.
Be you a transient or a 1%er, a Doctor, a biker, a feminist, a student, a grandmother, liberal, conservative, uptight, laid-back, etc ...
It used to trouble me too but I’ve spent my whole life on the outside looking in, this is just how I have adapted to a world I was not made for & I pose a threat to absolutely no one.
I believe some of us are authentic-like me, what you see is what you get, albeit less swearing until further into the friendship/relationship -and there are others who like to put on different facades depending on the situation. Those are the people that either have an inborn trait for performance and people pleasing, and have a playful personality, or who may be sociopaths or psychopaths.
I personally am comfortable with myself and my flaws, while also growing into an IDGAF attitude, due to me looking at 50 in a couple of years. I've seen alot, been through alot, and still am exploratory by nature. I know myself well, and have respect for others. Why would I want to be fake? It's too much mental work to be something I'm not. I do have a more professional demeanor at work, but my crazy side comes out every once in awhile, which makes my coworkers laugh. The bottom line is, you either like me or don't, and I'm okay with either.
Last edited by joliefrijole71; 04-24-2019 at 01:02 AM..
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-and there are others who like to put on different facades depending on the situation. Those are the people that either have an inborn trait for performance and people pleasing, and have a playful personality, or who may be sociopaths or psychopaths. 
