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The food analogy is a good one. After years of being on diets I realized they always fail for the simple reason that when you are on a diet, all you can think about is food. When we were teenagers the Catholic priests would tell us that masturbation was a sin. So everyone confessed that sin every time they went to confession and promised not to sin again. No one I know ever kept that promise.
The OP is conflicted. He believes he has an addiction because he can't stop masturbating, but has gone 40 days at a time without it. He says porn doesn't excite him, but he has his preferences on certain types of porn.
In another thread today the OP said "Life sucks major. Stress and loneliness I hope in time will kill me. Hopefully very soon. To know others have it worse off only further makes me hope life doesn't go for much longer."
I guess he needs to speak to a psychologist or psychiatrist, or commit himself to a psych ward because no one here can help him. Or maybe he can stop feeling sorry for himself and take pride in accomplishing something good, even if it's just mopping a floor or washing the dishes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar
I think there is a misunderstanding of what a porn addiction is in this thread. So it ends up reading like a guy writing, "I can't stop drinking" and a bunch of people writing back
Try buying a twelve-pack and go siting on a hillside next time
Don't drink until five pm
Stop drinking what you're drinking and switch to rum
Not hearing the distress. Nope, don't hear it. Just do whatever you want to do OP. It's your life.
This guy says he's suffering from compulsion and emotional pain and responses are all fixated on how he can get around that and still have sex.
Sexual expression in life is valuable and necessary for most people but it needs to be in a healthy perspective. That perspective, once skewed, has to be repaired before the approach to sex can be healthy and uncomfortable feelings are healed.
It's very difficult and complicated. More like dealing with eating disorders than with alcohol. Sorry to say that you guys who are hopping in to tell the OP how to masturbate are totally missing the point.
There's a whole mess of psychological work to do before that. Please do some reading on this before giving advice.
If the OP is for real and being honest he would have already been able to take care of this problem himself without help. He says he can't. So that probably means he shouldn't keep trying to do it himself.
In all seriousness though going 30-40 days without masturbating just makes it worse. The longer you go the stranger you'll get. Just find one video you like and masturbate to it 2-3 times per day whether you want to or not...in a few days you'll get tired of it...just don't ever look for anything new. any time you get the urge...only that video...nothing else. See if that works.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 10-15-2021 at 10:09 PM..
Reason: Orphaned. Also, please do not make light of OP's problem.
How about romance novels? Maybe they'll take some of that need for intimacy away from your crotch and up to your brain and heart?
I don't know, I can't fathom porn addiction or sex addiction, especially for any boy older than about 25. But, for any addiction, it helps to do and think about a variety of other things. And for God's sake, work a full-time job to start.
Your symptoms are those of a sex addict. Sex addicts turn to masturbation and porn to ease pain. Pain that is emotional and embedded in there somewhere from something very hurtful or traumatic. Sex is a diversion, no matter if it is with another person, or what. When you get depressed that's one thing that you can do to take your mind off of being depressed, right? It's a diversion to occupy your mind so it doesn't have to deal with the problems gong on.
You mention that you don't think you'll ever get intimacy from anywhere else and that seems odd. Also, you appear to be ready to nip this in the bud and that's a good thing that you are talking about it and admitting it. I personally know a sex addict who has been in therapy since age 12. He was the 9th child of 10, so there wasn't much parenting and attention to go around. He started all this very early too.
There is good news though. If you are ready to beat this thing (pardon that pun) I bet I just made you laugh... :-)
A twelve step program is very well rounded and actually works. You have to be ready to be open and honest with yourself and others about your problem. Once you have openly admitted you have an addiction, then you are well on your way! The steps are very important, as it gives you the opportunity to make amends to those you may have hurt while dealing with this issue. That way you can move forward without guilt, shame or remorse. If you stay in a program and work it like you are supposed to, you can very easily get past this addiction. And, as time goes on, you will most likely meet someone with whom you can share intimacy with and have an honest, stable relationship.
Write your own porn with you as the star. Just keep writing. Go on Craig's List and find some kinky women who you can share it with. Who knows, maybe you'll start up a real relationship with one or two of them as they critique and help you refine your material.
You actually sound like me at the age of 6 and I think it's probably pretty unusual for that age. But trust me when I say that writing porn is fun and that you can share it via Craig's List.
I don't know if that will "defeat" your porn addiction but it will redirect your energy into something that can be constructive.
At one point I wanted to try this on lite erotica. I like writing but dont think I'm creative enough for writing stories or writing porn. Can give it a go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by USMC1984
[Snip.]
In all seriousness though going 30-40 days without masturbating just makes it worse. The longer you go the stranger you'll get. Just find one video you like and masturbate to it 2-3 times per day whether you want to or not...in a few days you'll get tired of it...just don't ever look for anything new. any time you get the urge...only that video...nothing else. See if that works.
Might give that a go. Just one video right? You think over time I'll get bored of it and then it will keep me away from porn. The thing with one video I've got to pick the one I like most...have watched lots in 10 years so going to have long list to remember from....gonna be difficult to pick one
Quote:
Originally Posted by Back to NE
How about romance novels? Maybe they'll take some of that need for intimacy away from your crotch and up to your brain and heart?
I don't know, I can't fathom porn addiction or sex addiction, especially for any boy older than about 25. But, for any addiction, it helps to do and think about a variety of other things. And for God's sake, work a full-time job to start.
I read a walk to remember once as I like the film. Was okay. Could try romance novels i guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bootsamillion
Your symptoms are those of a sex addict. Sex addicts turn to masturbation and porn to ease pain. Pain that is emotional and embedded in there somewhere from something very hurtful or traumatic. Sex is a diversion, no matter if it is with another person, or what. When you get depressed that's one thing that you can do to take your mind off of being depressed, right? It's a diversion to occupy your mind so it doesn't have to deal with the problems gong on.
You mention that you don't think you'll ever get intimacy from anywhere else and that seems odd. Also, you appear to be ready to nip this in the bud and that's a good thing that you are talking about it and admitting it. I personally know a sex addict who has been in therapy since age 12. He was the 9th child of 10, so there wasn't much parenting and attention to go around. He started all this very early too.
There is good news though. If you are ready to beat this thing (pardon that pun) I bet I just made you laugh... :-)
A twelve step program is very well rounded and actually works. You have to be ready to be open and honest with yourself and others about your problem. Once you have openly admitted you have an addiction, then you are well on your way! The steps are very important, as it gives you the opportunity to make amends to those you may have hurt while dealing with this issue. That way you can move forward without guilt, shame or remorse. If you stay in a program and work it like you are supposed to, you can very easily get past this addiction. And, as time goes on, you will most likely meet someone with whom you can share intimacy with and have an honest, stable relationship.
Good luck to you!
I dont think im a sex addict. maybe five or so years sgo i was. not now.
I quit hard core porn, later I discovered on YouTube what I call soft porn. If the defination of porn is nudity no nudity here but a lot of pretty young girls in bikinies, some on fashon shows but revieling, some doing exercises, and the camera is often focused on the sex areas.
I am curious why do they make these vidos? I quit them after my internet quit one day. I get very unhappy fast with no internet.They all seem to come from another country.
OP, I've been thinking about your dilemma. I showed the thread to a friend from Hong Kong, a major heiress, who, years back, introduced me to the concept of the Pillow Book. (there's a movie about that...) About your goal, she says, "That's like trying to overcome an addiction to breathing."
Her tastes are, to put it mildly, "advanced". One of the few of those tastes which are mentionable, is for contrasting skin textures and colors. We won't discuss her various 'devices' carved from precious stones, beyond saying that her tastes progress from there... (also, she's counseled us on Rolls Royce ownership, and what, in the very highest circles, is considered most desirable in Chinese art - and she's invariably right)
Anyway, our little "pod" of friends, began developing our own pillow books, at about that time. Our Gay friends led the way. They are highly intolerant of a huge number of things - things which are all-too-common in the erotica aimed at them. And they're highly trained in defining aesthetic goals and identifying and correcting aesthetic shortcomings. They've always tossed-away, magazine pics of "scrawny twinks" (preferring massive, hairy, bearded bodybuilders), guys they considered "depraved street trash addicts", and "too queeny", as well as tossing the results of photoshoots-gone-awry (bad lighting, tacky sets, bad posing directions from the photographer...).
The advent of the Digital Age, has transformed the making of pillow books. Now, these guys digitally crop silly hairdos, greasy hair, plucked eyebrows, poses they find effeminate (you can crop the protruding hip, and instantly, the guy in the photo becomes more masculine, and more v-shaped). Splayed hands get cropped. Heads thrown-back in supposed ecstasy, get cropped. Photographers can make the most masculine guy - a gym-owning heterosexual ex-football-star - look totally girly. A photo can have a dozen things wrong with it. But I've watched, while those things got corrected.
Some photographers find the most astonishing models - then ruin them. Most photographers use sets which Gay friends find "too queeny". Scrubbing the color, then cropping and darkening the photo, can make the tacky setting disappear (the photographers seem to love TJ Maxx, Pier One, and Bed Bath & Beyond - while my friends prefer pics from building sites, auto repair shops, the cabs of big farm equipment, eighteen-wheelers, and ranches). "Before, all you could see, were those cheap accessories. NOW, with the photo revised, you're alone with a huge, majestic he-man, in a darkened hotel room. And notice the lip stain ruining the original? Now, with the color gone, his lips look normal. Oh, and look what I did with the ear jewelery - GONE! ...removed, pixel-by pixel. Now, he's a regular married guy. Before, he was just some bodybuilder-turned-hustler. Yeah. I added a texture screen. Now, you don't notice that the idiot photographer manscaped him."
It's all about reversing the damage done by the idiot photographers.
We'll be on the beach with our laptops, and I'll look over, while a friend "denippleizes" a photo. Photographers (apparently a bizarre bunch, with severe cognitive shortcomings) seem to think that Gay men want to look at men who've had their chest features clamped or suctioned - or who've had circular holes shaved in their chest hair, to facilitate pinching. Apparently, that's the opposite of true. Anyway, one can, pixel-by-pixel, darken the light pixels, and lighten the dark pixels, until those chest features look like "regular guy chests". I've seen piercings removed, that way. I've seen tattoos my friends consider, "Typical Tired-old Colt Model Wannabe" tattoos removed. Constricting devices, used farther-down, can be digitally removed. Chest hair can be restored.
Dinky little chinstrap beards are high on the "Hated List". I've watched while a bit of airbrushing restores a guy's stubble, or a few dozen fine linestrokes, turn some mawkish little over-shaped beard, into beardage worthy of a werewolf.
This approach quickly got adapted and deployed, as gifts for the straight guys in our bunch. All it took, was a list of what they find disgusting in pics of women. There's so much wrong, that heads generally get cropped, from the chin-up. "After the Photographer's Cousin Vikki from Awrkeensaw gits through makin' those girls look "glamorous", there's nothing left. The whole head has to go."High-income/high-IQ men, are absolutely repulsed by virtually every bit of cosmetology applied to 'The Women of Porn'. They hate the eyebrows. They hate the makeup. They hate the piercings. They loathe the fake eyelashes. It seems your tastes have matured, too. You should be proud.
On the other hand, it's easy to crop the shoes, generally (What's with those shoes?). And the "Darkened Hotel Room Effect" works for pics of women, too. Losing the color, means losing a lot of what's grotesque. Darkening and cropping, gets rid of all sorts of horrid defects. Those gag-inducing skankynails can be digitally turned into plain, clipped, Nice Girl Nails, by the right artist. Men I know, want photos of sane, ultra-fit, women with happy lives and promising futures. That's a hard thing for a photographer to portray, considering who will pose. But the beauty of assembling a 'Pillow Book', is that it allows one to sort through thousands of images, to assemble the very few which depict the mystique or narrative a guy wants. (here, I will remind you that a digital camera, aimed at a big screen, can capture STILLS from a video featuring someone you like. Even if a video is mostly-disgusting, a few good seconds, can be turned into a dozen perfect still shots - or a hundred, depending. Remember: you get to crop and manipulate color. And yes: OnlyFans vids ARE making it onto the video sharing sites - some shared by the performers, themselves: I've been askin'-around...) Viewing such a book, for personal consumption only, of course, allows one to, without interruption, reach the sustained level of excitement, which leads to the desired goal.
I suspect that various entities have managed to convince you that that particular goal is somehow "wrong" or "destructive". It isn't. You're addressing a basic biological imperative for male primates. There was nothing wrong with you, at all. It's just that reaching that particular goal, has taken too much of your day, because the quality of your erotica has been so low.
How's about thinking that since nothing is private these days, your viewing history is probably being noted by *someone* - that ought to put a damper on things if you like your privacy.
As for the masturbation, not sure why that is a bad thing, if just taking care of business and not making it into a performance of some kind.
Even neuroscientists are saying it's bad for your brain, and your sex life. It's especially bad for boys and young men. It acts like a drug where you need more and more of it to get the same level of stimulation.
Science is only just beginning to reveal the neurological repercussions of porn consumption. But it is already clear that the mental health and sex lives of its widespread audience are suffering catastrophic effects. From depression to erectile dysfunction, porn appears to be hijacking our neural wiring with dire consequences.
Been watching porn since I was 17 just over ten years. I find that funny since I had urges when I was like 6. I'd watch wild things with Denise Richards and I'd just get turned on I was no more than 6-7. Great memories.
I've tried for the past two years to completely remove porn and masturbation from my life. Have done no fap on a lot of occasions with streaks of 30-40+ days. Never 50.
I think I fall whenever I get reallg lonely or really sad and depressed which is often. Thing is porn losf it's enjoyment for me years ago. I could spend 6+ hours watching porn scenes and reading lite erotica and now on the occssions I do either within 20 minutes I'm done. Obviously neither is fulfilling anymore.
I find the porn 10 years ago was way more erotic than the porn of today as well. Its too fake. Fake.
How can I defeat my porn/masturbation addiction for good? It's the only intimacy I know/will ever get so I know this deep down but still wanting to erase it for good.
I do not like watching porn. I actually hate it. I just fall for it when I get really down or when my urges get really high.
Any advice is welcome.
Any discussion really is welcome. Thanks.
The only way to defeat the urge to masturbate is chemical castration this is in an eight instinct it is not an addiction. Human beings are supposed to masturbate.
If anything I think you probably have more of a problem with binging and purging.
These urges are instinctual and they won't go away I would say figure out what is hindering you from pursuing real relationships.
No fap is backward 19th century religious cult crap.
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