How does one learn to love themselves?

[TMSRetired]

Originally Posted by sportslover

Yes, i am in the process of finding a therapist if i can find one that will answer their damn phone but anyway...

I don't really love myself but I am trying. I struggle to stand up for myself and I am an overly sensitive person. I am trying to develop thicker skin but doing so is extremely tough. This makes developing friendships and relationships tough and is something i suck at.


Have you gotten to the point where you love yourself ? Why is it so hard?

I would suggest you learn to become your own best friend.
Solitude and doing things you like by yourself ...movies, shopping, eating out, adventures
Build up your self confidence by doing stuff solo, pamper yourself, create a cozy home environment you love being in, take up new hobbies you can do by yourself.

Don't be afraid to go it alone for a while until you really know yourself and are comfortable with who you are.

[Consultant Psychologist]

The first source of socialization for the child is the family (whereby you learn who you are gradually, and who other people are and how they are likely to behave) where you are taught about morals, and how to live generally. Basically, you are shown who you are by looking at how people react towards you. In respect of this, you can filter out negative thoughts and think only about the good positive thoughts about yourself. Furthermore, people like to make friends with people who are similar to themselves; which means you have certain things in common, and therefore are more likely to get on with one another. Using the good things that people have shown you and being good to other people in turn is a good way to live. Also, study yourself to know which activities you like doing, and avoid the ones you do not: so you are shaping your life into the person that you want to be. You also need to be strong willed so that you can do what you want to and not be coerced into doing what you do not want to do.

Jesus said, in the Holy Bible, Mathew 19:19: "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." So when you learn to love yourself you are then able to love other people, and sometimes they may love you back. This is what some people have been teaching you to do all your life. What this means is that Jesus is your true self and when you have Him you learn to become like Him.

You can look at this website:
https://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Your-Self-Esteem

https://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Christian

[meekawal]

Originally Posted by TMSRetired

I would suggest you learn to become your own best friend.
Solitude and doing things you like by yourself ...movies, shopping, eating out, adventures
Build up your self confidence by doing stuff solo, pamper yourself, create a cozy home environment you love being in, take up new hobbies you can do by yourself.

Don't be afraid to go it alone for a while until you really know yourself and are comfortable with who you are.

This is really good advice.

I want to be alone and process my thoughts but, I have some friends and family members that feel I need to be kept as busy as possible. They are nice people but all the visits, long phone calls, etc. stress me out.

I've been sick this past week and everyone is staying away and the phone calls are dwindling because I can't talk long with my sore throat but, honestly, I'm enjoying this quiet time by myself.

I don't know how to politely let them know that I value my time alone even though I appreciate all they want to do for me.

[Forever Blue]

Originally Posted by sportslover

Yes, i am in the process of finding a therapist if i can find one that will answer their damn phone but anyway...

I don't really love myself but I am trying. I struggle to stand up for myself and I am an overly sensitive person. I am trying to develop thicker skin but doing so is extremely tough. This makes developing friendships and relationships tough and is something i suck at.


Have you gotten to the point where you love yourself ? Why is it so hard?

I'm sorry that you say you don't love yourself & I truly hope you find a genuinely effective therpaist who can help you. When one doesn't love oneself, unfortunately, that can result in the person allowing others to treat them any kind of old way, which brings on more unhappiness/misery.

Well, like I said in this other thread someone started about happiness, I said in my post #28 there something similar to what I'll say here.

https://www.city-data.com/forum/psyc...ppiness-3.html

I can't list everything here, but they overall just taught me a TON about loving myself & being & staying content amongst many good morals & values. I think it's really, really important for parents to instill this tremedouns value/state of mind & raise their children to know how to love themsleves. I think my parents did an outstanding job. They taught me to be happy w/i myself & pray to the Lord for His blessings & strength. They raised me in church, raised me to be mentally strong & to have good self-esteem & self-worth w/o being self-centered about it.

They taught me that no one's any better than I am nor I, them & that I'm important too. I'm an only child & they were great examples that one can be as happy as a clam w/o having all kinds of friends, people around, parties, etc. Other people don't determine my self-worth or happiness. I determine that. So I don't care if I don't have any friends or a significant other & I haven't had friends for years (but do have an SO). I know I'm special.

Now no, I don't suffer from any kind of depression, bipolar disorder, seasonal affective disorder, anxiety, etc., so I feel for those who do & that may makes it difficult to love oneself.

Do you have any friends or family members who are positive, uplifting people who you like spending time w/? I'm not saying it's their responsilbility to make you love yourself, but being in the presence of positive people who love themselves may help somewhat. You can see how they are in life w/ their mindset & how they handle situations that come up in life.