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I'm surprised no one has mentioned this...but perhaps it's time to ask the "adult" children in your home to show you some respect or move out on their own and see how things are in the real world. If they are not currently enrolled in school or college then they should be paying you room and board or move out.
Not having them living at home might also lessen the emotional stress and care responsibility on you so you can focus more on repairing the marriage. The pregnancy does complicate things, but there are solutions to ensure proper care of the mother and newborn without the primary responsibility of care falling on your shoulders which will only add further stress.
If you really want to reconcile the marriage, then stay and fight for it. Moving out is the first step towards giving up and walking away. Perhaps family counseling may help as well, but everyone has to participate with an open mind.
Good luck.....!
I agree with you 100%. Problem is my husband does not. Starting to see the picture?
While I also will echo the advice that you should consult a lawyer, I can give you some basic info I have not seen yet in this thread.
First, NC is no fault divorce - it typically doesn't matter why you are getting a divorce, so you don't need to list why you want one. You do have to be separated for a year and a day to file for divorce, and in general you want this date established in some manner so you can establish the value of your marital estate at the date of separation (DOS). As well, you'd want something agreed upon so your spouse can't push the date back interminably. Generally though, signing a lease on a new apartment and having receipts for a rental truck you used to move out of the house are good proof of DOS.
NC has equitable distribution of the estate, meaning each party is entitled to 50% of the assets and deficits of the estate. A lot of the cost of a simple divorce can be involved in the legal fees to assemble the ED and get mutual agreement from both parties. Sometimes the couple will agree to who gets what and there are no issues, sometimes they fight over a potted plant and spend thousands going back and forth over such items...
Then there is post-marital support, and all the details of that.
Before you get too invested in anything, talk with a lawyer and let him/her outline the process of separation and possible divorce for you. Unfortunately it sounds like you are not in a functioning relationship and without change, you are going to be happier divorced than married. It is a common enough situation as people grow in and out of love and their life circumstances change. Since there is a one-year period of waiting, you are better off separating sooner than later though. It gets the ball moving on possible reconciliation or final separation, rather than being unhappy and stagnant.
When you do separate, move quickly to sever all financial connections at least.
No disrespect intended, but you are way off. I am not trying to blindside my husband. I just want to protect myself should it become necessary to do so. I don't want to air our dirty laundry in public, so without knowing what is going on in our home you or anyone else really shouldn't be posting comments like that. We have not been able to discuss things without blame shifting occurring. We have tried counseling. I have done everything I know how to do including praying without ceasing, but sometimes a separation is needed to open one's eyes. I feel certainly we could sit down and discuss a separation agreement, and we most likely would agree on things, but my concern is if it's not in writing it is not legally binding should those agreements fall to the way side.
That was my point. Instead of posting here to ask us if we think your separation agreement makes sense, why don't you sit down with your husband and discuss it? I couldn't do that with my ex, because we were on completely opposite ends of the spectrum. But I also wasn't hoping for a reconcilliation.
As for whether I should post comments -- I'm only going off what you're posting. The impression I've gotten from your posts is that you're gathering information to put together a separation agreement that you're going to plop down in front of your husband and announce your intention to leave. I'd call that blindsiding. Not blindsiding would be to tell him that you want a trial separation and suggest that you sit down and discuss financial arrangements. Then you put it all in writing and move out.
Just my opinion of course. To which, the last time I checked, I was still entitled.
That was my point. Instead of posting here to ask us if we think your separation agreement makes sense, why don't you sit down with your husband and discuss it? I couldn't do that with my ex, because we were on completely opposite ends of the spectrum. But I also wasn't hoping for a reconcilliation.
As for whether I should post comments -- I'm only going off what you're posting. The impression I've gotten from your posts is that you're gathering information to put together a separation agreement that you're going to plop down in front of your husband and announce your intention to leave. I'd call that blindsiding. Not blindsiding would be to tell him that you want a trial separation and suggest that you sit down and discuss financial arrangements. Then you put it all in writing and move out.
Just my opinion of course. To which, the last time I checked, I was still entitled.
You are entitled to your opinion. I just wanted to set the record straight about your choice of words. The fact is I have tried to sit down with my husband and discuss things, but we do not get very far, which is why I feel separation is necessary. He already knows that I am leaving and seems to agree we can't work things out right now, so no "announcing" necessary. The information I am "gathering" is so I know what is acceptable and what is not to put in an agreement. I already told him we need to sit down and discuss the arrangements. He is already aware, but I'm sure legal counsel will help me sort out what to include.
If you do decide to proceed to divorce, in NC there is a one year and one day waiting period after filing for separation. Plaintiff (the one asking for divorce) files a separation agreement, then the clock starts to tick. On the 366th day, an actual divorce kicks in if you want, and a complaint is served on the defendant.
If the divorce is simple and uncontested, a one year's separation is not required. Both parties will tell the court that they have lived apart for one year, whether they have or not. Done!
If the divorce is simple and uncontested, a one year's separation is not required. Both parties will tell the court that they have lived apart for one year, whether they have or not. Done!
For free legal advice you could address for example the Legal Aid of NC:
LANC-Raleigh Office
224 South Dawson Street, Raleigh, NC 27601 MAP
[Mailing address: P.O. Drawer 1731, Raleigh, NC 27602]
919-828-4647; FAX: 919-839-8370
TO REQUEST LEGAL HELP, CALL: 1-866-219-5262 (toll free)
For a simple separation agreement as it seems to be in your case, using a sample as a base is a good option. You just fill it in and adapt it and then let a lawyer have a look at it.
This has already been posted in another forum but thought I'd better post it here for specific information to NC, and particularly to Wake Forest/Raleigh.
After 20 years of marriage, we are unfortunately heading for separation. For multiple reasons, I have decided to be the one to leave. I am hoping for this to not end in divorce but in reconciliation. We have 3 adult children still in the home so no custody/child support issues. I am just starting a new job after being unemployed for 8 months. Money has been tight and will be until I can get settled on my own.
I need some advice regarding how to proceed. I have been reading on the web that a separation agreement should be put in place. Does anyone know approximately how much a lawyer would charge for this? If I draw something up myself and have our signatures notarized, is it binding? Can anyone recommend someone local to Wake Forest or Raleigh?
Thanks so much, I appreciate it.
Dear Strong As A Bear,
I encourage you to contact an attorney to help you through this.
After 20 years of marriage, you guys likely have assets that will need to be divided up equitably, plus if you put your career on hold to raise the kids, you may be entitled to spousal support until you are back on your feet. There are all sorts of issues that someone who does this every day can help you with.
Doing it on your own often means that the partner who wants out will agree to unfair terms just to get free.
By the way, about 20% of couples who separate end up back together within 2 years.
Not to mention the divorced couples who remarry after a time.
An attorney or mediator can be helpful in keeping matters focused rather than dissolving into bitter accusations that are hard to take back.
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