Hi, Brian!
You may have more luck in the Raleigh Metro section, finding posts about Cary, but I'll try to answer some of your questions here. Yes, Cary is a great area, and a lot of people have relocated here for the same reasons you state. That's not a bad thing!
You may have luck finding a job in RTP, and if you are on the north side of Cary, that's not a bad commute. Traffic can get sticky if you're coming from further south, but compared to ATL, it's nothing, I promise. nothing. not even close.
Check http://www.rtp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=page&filename=job_opportuniti es.html (broken link)
for jobs there.
In Cary, you should also check SAS. If you can get in there, you're set, it's a great company to work for, and it's in Cary.
Have you been for a visit? What would be too long a commute? I hesitate to recommend one particular area until you at least have a better idea where you'd be working, but even if you're in Raleigh, depending on where you are in Cary, it's not that bad a commute, either.