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Sellers sometimes find it hard to let go and see it through neutral eyes. For instance, I spent a month painting a mural on all 4 walls of our bedroom. It's gorgeous. I want to paint it out some neutral color, but my husband swears it's too special to paint out.
I think it makes the bedroom seem small and cluttered, and I WILL PREVAIL, especially since our realtor agrees with me.
This is true, but only important because IME buyers have great difficulty seeing past what is there. A majority of buyers cannot visualize past what exists (which is why you get all those annoying comments about wall color.)
There is no attack here - I really hope you'll drop the defensiveness enough to "hear" what is being said and why. It probably is indeed a waste of my energy to hope you'll improve in this area, but anything is possible. One CAN work on being more understanding of others, and it pays dividends far beyond the investment of time and emotion to do so.
Last edited by Schmooky; 07-13-2017 at 07:18 PM..
Reason: Brevity
There is no attack here - I really hope you'll drop the defensiveness enough to "hear" what is being said and why. It probably is indeed a waste of my energy to hope you'll improve in this area, but anything is possible. One CAN work on being more understanding of others, and it pays dividends far beyond the investment of time and emotion to do so.
Please stick to the subject at hand, not a thumbnail sketch of what you believe my personal traits to be, which derails the thread. I read your post with your opinions on both, noted them and moved on to others. I invite you to continue to logically comment on the topic itself. I believe the the psychology forum is where I might go if I was asking for insight into my character.
If only it was this easy to take the emotion out of buying or selling a home. It's not. People are emotional about it. Lots of our memories are tied to a place.
As realtors, we try to get people to distance themselves a little from the house, sometimes packing up some of their more emotional personal belongings helps them get ready to let it go.
Ha, you don't want to get me started on this! Yes, people have very unrealistic expectations about what a real estate listing should look like. Investors don't personalize a home like a normal seller does. They flip, select finishings appropropriate for the neighborhood that have mass appeal and move on. Most homeowners decorate to their individual tastes (rightly so) but it is best to remove anything too taste specific before listing. I'm sure an agent could speak to buyer expectations better than I can, but the HGTV culture is probably just as frustrating to them as it is to a designer. No, Mr. and Mrs. Buyer, not all homes will be updated to your exact taste, be in your target neighborhood, and be within your budget.
As far as moving out, my understanding is that it's better to sell while a home is either staged or occupied. Empty houses trigger a wounded seller look-the buyer knows you're paying to live somewhere else and need to unload the property. It sure would be nice to move out while listing a home! Our movers are finishing up right now and I can absolutely say the house doesn't look nearly as nice as it did with furnishings. There's a reason builders spend tons of money setting up model homes for potential buyers.
I usually just leave my furniture and move to another house or a hotel/corporate short term rental. I was shouted down for suggesting this in another thread, so I suppose many would think it is a luxury. But it really does make life a lot easier. I have read conflicting reports of empty vs staged houses and what sells faster, but I think it depends on the market and other factors too. Didn't staging start because many people had a hard time envisioning furniture in the room? I know a lot of my renters try to figure out if sofas will fit, etc., before signing a lease and maybe staging helps that process.
Buyers have a lot of expectations and since tv has shown them "average" people getting wishes fulfilled, many now think that is the going norm. They try on a house in their mind when they visit and like a paint color, it can be hard for them to look past the signs of the other people who live there now. I think what a lot of them are saying with their "critiques" is --"This is not the way I live and I am having trouble looking past the things in this house which are different from my own choices." Now, whether their choices are realistic or reasonable is a topic for another thread. But I don't think any buyer sets out to mean spiritedly deflate a seller.
Sellers sometimes find it hard to let go and see it through neutral eyes. For instance, I spent a month painting a mural on all 4 walls of our bedroom. It's gorgeous. I want to paint it out some neutral color, but my husband swears it's too special to paint out.
I think it makes the bedroom seem small and cluttered, and I WILL PREVAIL, especially since our realtor agrees with me.
I looked at a rowhouse in Philadelphia that was owned by an artist. Every inch of it was painted with murals. Each room had a theme-- living room was Pompeii, bedroom ancient Egypt, etc. It was about 700 square feet if I am being generous and had the absolute steepest pie wedge staircase. I thought it was the coolest thing. Someone had put their whole heart and soul into making that house one of a kind and I really appreciated that. I would have bought it if I was planning on living there or using it as a city crash pad when I was in Philadelphia. But I was not in the market for that.
I showed the listing to a friend. She saw the location potential and actually was looking for a place in that neighborhood. She was writing an offer when the seller's agent called hers and said that she had to "agree not to paint" the murals as the owner was heartbroken that someone would undo his hard work. She never submitted an offer as she could not guarantee that she would not want to redo at least one of the rooms.
The house sat. And sat. It was delisted and I have not seen it relisted. This is a tough one for me as I think it was such a unique home. But the seller wasn't ready to give it up-- he had an attachment and I can see that he spent a huge amount of time making the house what it was. But he wanted to ensure the next person shared his vision instead of making sure his house sold.
Since you seem to believe that this is a strictly financial transaction, I'll put it to you this way. When people mess with my $2,000 dresser, sit on my $250 duvet, mess with my thermostat which I am paying the electricity bill for, or take excessively long during an appointment at dinner time (causing me to take my family to a restaurant), I don't appreciate it. Add to that the fact that the buyers may not be financially able to purchase the home they are going over with a fine tooth comb, and it's enough to make one feel a bit "sensitive".
Did anyone damage your dresser or duvet?
Maybe the buyer had some health issues and was having trouble breathing. Or maybe it was a woman having a hot flash and your house is just too hot. I don't know. This all sounds to me like pretty normal behavior when your house is open. Someone mentioned going to the bathroom in the master bathroom. Ever know anyone with ulcerative colitis? The closest bathroom is the only bathroom when a flare up happens. What is wrong with taking your family to a restaurant?
For all the talk of being tolerant to others, some of the posters here don't seem to think buyers are humans like the rest of us. They suddenly become "the other" the invading horde, the tribe from across the river that you are at war with. Maybe its something ancient, an old urge in human wiring. I just don't see how its useful in this situation.
Maybe the buyer had some health issues and was having trouble breathing. Or maybe it was a woman having a hot flash and your house is just too hot. I don't know. This all sounds to me like pretty normal behavior when your house is open. Someone mentioned going to the bathroom in the master bathroom. Ever know anyone with ulcerative colitis? The closest bathroom is the only bathroom when a flare up happens. What is wrong with taking your family to a restaurant?
For all the talk of being tolerant to others, some of the posters here don't seem to think buyers are humans like the rest of us. They suddenly become "the other" the invading horde, the tribe from across the river that you are at war with. Maybe its something ancient, an old urge in human wiring. I just don't see how its useful in this situation.
It's not useful, but it can be hard to resist. Personally I don't mind someone using my facilities or even plopping on my bedspread for a minute, but it can definitely feel invasive. I also try to not be present in the home when the house is being shown - we have managed to be essentially moved out every time it's had to happen. Staying in an apartment for the duration is definitely a good idea if it can be managed.
I'd rather show an unstaged house if need be than bother with hustling myself and all our kids out every few hours to let someone walk around. It also helps detach those emotions from the process a bit.
Maybe the buyer had some health issues and was having trouble breathing. Or maybe it was a woman having a hot flash and your house is just too hot. I don't know. This all sounds to me like pretty normal behavior when your house is open. Someone mentioned going to the bathroom in the master bathroom. Ever know anyone with ulcerative colitis? The closest bathroom is the only bathroom when a flare up happens. What is wrong with taking your family to a restaurant?
For all the talk of being tolerant to others, some of the posters here don't seem to think buyers are humans like the rest of us. They suddenly become "the other" the invading horde, the tribe from across the river that you are at war with. Maybe its something ancient, an old urge in human wiring. I just don't see how its useful in this situation.
Oh please.
This whole thread seems like a reason to criticize sellers who aren't as wise and professional as you (me, particularly, since I started the other thread).
We sellers are just so uppity! Why can't we be more understanding of buyers who might be having a health crisis when they visit our home? Why can't we be more gracious when they let their children tear up our biggest investment? Why can't we just instantly disconnect from all the memories we made in our homes, EXCUSE ME, houses? After all, it's just brick and mortar and wood and glass. Why can't we be more like YOU?
Last edited by calgirlinnc; 07-13-2017 at 09:31 PM..
Another sensitivity is the offense often taken when one receives what they consider a lowball offer for their mansion. Both this and the sensitivity over one's decorating choices suggests that one is not dealing with the sale of one's house as a business transaction. This is another reason why people need a realtor who has a more objective view of their home.
I can remember getting upset when I drove by a previous home and saw that the new owner had significantly reduced our expensive landscaping; ... until my wife reminded me that they were changing their own landscaping, not ours!
The new owners painted the trim on our mixed brick home purple. Didn't bother me but it was certainly interesting to look at it.
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Yes, people have very unrealistic expectations about what a real estate listing should look like. Investors don't personalize a home like a normal seller does. They flip, select finishings appropropriate for the neighborhood that have mass appeal and move on. Most homeowners decorate to their individual tastes (rightly so) but it is best to remove anything too taste specific before listing. I'm sure an agent could speak to buyer expectations better than I can, but the HGTV culture is probably just as frustrating to them as it is to a designer. No, Mr. and Mrs. Buyer, not all homes will be updated to your exact taste, be in your target neighborhood, and be within your budget. 
