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I live with a bunch of people in a big house & have a girlfriend in the house who is having a problem with one of the guys in the house. She's a super friendly person & gets along very well with everyone. However....
...one of the male housemates is attracted to her. Unfortunately, she is not attracted to him. This situation has been getting worse over the past couple of months. She has no problem being friends with this man & has told him numerous times that's no issue but that she's does not want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. She has tried telling him nicely that friends is as far as it goes. He is not getting the message.
Before this situation with her or even maybe concurrently a few months ago, he had tried getting what I felt was a bit too friendly with me, i.e. making dinner & asking me to dine with him....and generally jI just felt that he was making unwanted advances towards me. He knew I had a relationship going on prior to his move in to the house, back in the beginning of the year. And I made no bones about introducing my friend to him. So he tried, but got nowhere with me. IMO, he really started in on her after I had my friend over to eat one Sunday. The girlfriend in question was also invited but she declined. My bf & I sat down with him & you could just feel the tension.
Fast forward to now...she's come to me & explained the situation. She's told him how she feels. He's said he understands after they've talked and then next thing you know, he's texting her numerous times a day, coming home at different hours of the day when he knows she might be around & it's almost becoming like everytime she turns around, he's there. It's not stalking yet...
I've listened to her (he doesn't know I know) and given her my opinion which is, tell him specifically how she feels, which she's done, but it's not working. He's even gone to the extent to tell her that he would move out of the house so they can date. IMO, he's got some sort of one sided fantasy relationship going on... She's very uncomfortable with the fact that he's not getting it. She doesn't have the $ to move out at this time. She doesn't want to make the guy leave either due to it being rental income for her family member.
Anyone have any thoughts on how to resolve this issue?
What's this guy like as a potential boyfriend? Why can't he find another woman to date? Is he shy? What if you try to fix him up with some other women?
Is your friend that appealing as a potential girlfriend? Does she dress sexy around her house? Is she a good cook? Somehow, she's got to make herself unattractive to him for a while until he starts crushing on someone else. And in the meantime, she should block his number from her phone and stop accepting texts from him.
What's this guy like as a potential boyfriend? Why can't he find another woman to date? Is he shy? What if you try to fix him up with some other women?
Is your friend that appealing as a potential girlfriend? Does she dress sexy around her house? Is she a good cook? Somehow, she's got to make herself unattractive to him for a while until he starts crushing on someone else. And in the meantime, she should block his number from her phone and stop accepting texts from him.
Hi Miu,
Well, background as I understand it, was married about 15 years. Xwife verbally abused him, family issues of neglect towards him. Has two children. Does talk to his family on a regular basis. He does work but has some medical issues that will force him to take time off soon.
He seems a nice enough guy but kind of like that guy who the minute you show him attention, he's eating it up & taking it to extremes. Like maybe he hasn't had enough relationships after getting divorced to realize how to take rejection? He does not go out much at all. I've never seen him bring a lady friend to our house in the past six months either. I think he's definitely shy & get's hurt easy....i.e. I was out late on Memorial Day weekend. On the holiday, I got woke up @ 9 a.m. by the loud noise of a pressure washer outside my window...being I got in relatively late, it ticked me off & I went outside & yelled at him. He took it way more personally than I expected & didn't speak to me/ignored me. I did apologize that day for my outburst & figured it was over. However, I felt avoidance in the house by him but didn't let it bother me as I felt the issue was done & over. He finally apologized to me (which I felt was unnecessary as it was over a month later and I had already dropped the issue).....I had told me girlfriend about it & that's when she told me, through her getting to know him that he & his xwife used to have terrible screaming matches & he probably had a flashback...so he probably gets hurt very easily?
We thought we might try to hook him up with a friend of mine but haven't got that far yet...
My friend is an attractive woman, friendly, doesn't cook, does not dress sexy around the house....
She lives upstairs in the house & so does he. Not sure if blocking his texts would work. When she's not home (has a date, for example) he mopes & pouts. In fact, he went so far earlier in the week to bleach his hair (he felt she might find him more attractive?)...when I saw him the day after & he took his hat off...it was a brassy mess & we both told him to either get it color corrected or shave it off...he shaved it off....now, here is an example of the wackiness that is going one with him.
This guy sounds like he has the potential to become a stalker. She should sit down with him and tell him that she is not attracted to him, does not find him attractive in a any way and will never go out with him. If that doesn't work she needs to get out and find someone like a friend to stay with if she doesn't have the money. The guy creeps me out and I think she could potentially be in danger.
I live with a bunch of people in a big house & have a girlfriend in the house who is having a problem with one of the guys in the house. She's a super friendly person & gets along very well with everyone. However....
...one of the male housemates is attracted to her. Unfortunately, she is not attracted to him. This situation has been getting worse over the past couple of months. She has no problem being friends with this man & has told him numerous times that's no issue but that she's does not want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. She has tried telling him nicely that friends is as far as it goes. He is not getting the message.
Before this situation with her or even maybe concurrently a few months ago, he had tried getting what I felt was a bit too friendly with me, i.e. making dinner & asking me to dine with him....and generally jI just felt that he was making unwanted advances towards me. He knew I had a relationship going on prior to his move in to the house, back in the beginning of the year. And I made no bones about introducing my friend to him. So he tried, but got nowhere with me. IMO, he really started in on her after I had my friend over to eat one Sunday. The girlfriend in question was also invited but she declined. My bf & I sat down with him & you could just feel the tension.
Fast forward to now...she's come to me & explained the situation. She's told him how she feels. He's said he understands after they've talked and then next thing you know, he's texting her numerous times a day, coming home at different hours of the day when he knows she might be around & it's almost becoming like everytime she turns around, he's there. It's not stalking yet...
I've listened to her (he doesn't know I know) and given her my opinion which is, tell him specifically how she feels, which she's done, but it's not working. He's even gone to the extent to tell her that he would move out of the house so they can date. IMO, he's got some sort of one sided fantasy relationship going on... She's very uncomfortable with the fact that he's not getting it. She doesn't have the $ to move out at this time. She doesn't want to make the guy leave either due to it being rental income for her family member.
Anyone have any thoughts on how to resolve this issue?
I would stay out of it if I were you. They are both adults, yes? Well unwanted attention is a fact of life, and now is the time for her to learn how to cope. Maybe she needs to get nasty, maybe she needs to move, there are many options for her, but its on her to do something.
What exactly did she say to him. "I don't want to date right now" is different than "You are making me feel uncomfortable please stop, i'm not interested in dating you"
This guy sounds like he has the potential to become a stalker. She should sit down with him and tell him that she is not attracted to him, does not find him attractive in a any way and will never go out with him. If that doesn't work she needs to get out and find someone like a friend to stay with if she doesn't have the money. The guy creeps me out and I think she could potentially be in danger.
I was thinking possible stalker situation as well.
The house we live in is on a big estate. Her mom (aged) lives on property & she takes care of her needs. Her father lives about a mile away in retirement home & she's presently taking care of him as well. It would definitely be an inconvenience for her to leave the property. Problem #2 is that this housemate is an income source for her family. In a perfect world, the guy would get the hint & give up.....
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