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My husband passed away recently and I've had a lot of time to think...Now I realize that my marriage served as a "security blanket" for me in many ways...My husband and I had a good relationship but we probably hid behind each other at times without realizing it...I think marriage can become a "security blanket" for many people...not just me. Some people stay in unhappy marriages because they have fears about "going it alone." Don't you think?...My husband and I had a good life together and it's hard to go on without him....Have you ever viewed marriage as a "security blanket?" Thanks....
Sorry for the loss of your husband. Absolutely, some people use marriage as a security blanket. Even foregoing their own happiness for fear of being alone, having to endure financial hardships, kids, etc. IMO, marriage is all about security. It offers security in which this one person is commited to only you, will stand by you in good times and bad, provide a loving place to fall at the end of a long day.
However, no marriage is perfect. The ones that are successful realize that from the beginning. If your life with him was good, count yourself as one of the lucky ones.
I've never been married so I can't speak from that perspective, but everyone uses marriage for some kind of security. At the very least marriage itself provides the security people get from making a binding, public promise to love each other, be faithful, etc. In a good marriage where both people are truly commited this is a big dose of security and is a healthy thing. You're supposed to be able to lean on your spouse and draw strength and comfort from them when times are rough, so no problem there.
On the other hand if people are just sticking in their marriage becaue they can't stand to be alone, or have other insecurities going on, well that's obviously not healthy and doesn't seem like a good basis for a marriage to me.
My husband passed away recently and I've had a lot of time to think...Now I realize that my marriage served as a "security blanket" for me in many ways...My husband and I had a good relationship but we probably hid behind each other at times without realizing it...I think marriage can become a "security blanket" for many people...not just me. Some people stay in unhappy marriages because they have fears about "going it alone." Don't you think?...My husband and I had a good life together and it's hard to go on without him....Have you ever viewed marriage as a "security blanket?" Thanks....
C, what a difficult time this must be for you! I wish you all the best as you move forward.
To me, marriage by its very nature provides an incredible amount of security - but in a positive way, not a negative one.
I do understand what you are saying though, about how some people seem to "hide" behind their marriages as a way of avoiding being more fully involved in the world. And yes, many people will stay married even when it's not a good marriage just to avoid having to be alone. I guess the monster you know is less scary than the monster you don't
But for me, the security I have in my marriage is very freeing. Because I know my husband always has my back and is there to catch me if I fall, I am never afraid to try new things, go to new places, new heights. We encourage each other to truly live each and every day and to have no regrets in anything we do.
I only hope I am this brave, bold and full of life once he's gone - a thing I dread beyond measure.
I feel allot of people nowadays arent in true love they just get married because theyre suppsoed to and end up with somebody they like but shouldnt be spending every minute with..
Though i dont really beleive in love and a soulmate i beleive in lust plus a heavy like and a connection and i dont really think marriage is what humans are built for so the fact that all these marriages fail doesnt surprise me much..
Great posts....thanks. I kept on growing during my marriage and followed my own interests..My husband was very supportive...We started several businesses together based on my ideas. He found a "spot" for himself in many of my "dreams."...We complemented each other...I didn't realize how "lost" I would feel without him and how hard it would be to go on...On a different note...I get tired of hearing people complain about their spouses non-stop without doing more to try to solve their problems...This makes no sense to me....Marriage is suppose to be our "safe haven." But it takes work and effort to deal with all the issues and misunderstandings that crop up at times. Don't you think?
I always thought the whole purpose behind marriage was security for both men and women. In the days of arranged marriages most definately to secure and propogate future generations of your genetic material.
There are people that just cant not be alone and will stay in bad relationships or move immediately into one after the other. I have a sister like that.
Marriage does take a lot of work and compromise but it also takes two people willing to put forth the effort.
I am very sorry for your loss. My spouse is not gone for that reason, but I am glad its over. For myself now that it is over, I have realized that I stayed because the relationship was familiar to me. We where together for 13 years. But they were not all good years. She lied, cheated, left me constantly for someone else. But for me there was no security. I could not depend on help with bills in any way. Now I thank God that someone else has taken the monkey off my back.
I am sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. When my husband passed I felt so lost without him. I think you are right marriage is a security blanket if you are married to the right person. I knew he was there for me when I needed someone to support me not with money but with love. I know our love had evolved and was not the same as when we first married but it was the kind of love that wrapped itself around you.
It takes a while to get over losing your husband. There are many phases.. I have learned to be content with my life as it is now. it took a while to get to there.
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