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the marriage/divorce asset download program is a bad game, guys, dont be mean, but you need to rethink this one. 42 million divorces since 1975-- mostly filed by women. enough already. every gal that lives with a guy should get a thank you note from all of us, you have spared him a 1/2 million dollar divorce, treat her good.
Once again we have someone who's seen the high divorce rate at drawn the wrong conclusion. If 50% of marriages end, maybe it has more to do with the people getting married than with marriage itself. 90% of businesses fail in their first year. Does that mean you should never start a business? No. It simply means you should look at the 10% who succeeded to see why they succeeded and then look at the 90% who failed to figure out what they did wrong. Same with marriage. Look at the people who have a successful marriage and figure out what they did differently. As for the tired line about how most divorces are filed by women, maybe that has more to do with men's belief that divorce law is rigged against them. Who knows how many men out there would've been the first to file had it not been for this belief?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch
Why-WHY-WHY-WHY-WHY did she never, ever, ever open her eyes and see that I was right there?
Because I wasn't boyfriend material, I was a lapdog to be cuddled and petted when she felt down about the world. I was there, eager to lap up her crumbs and make her feel better about herself until she once more felt strong enough to go and face whatever man was dominating her during any given week.
Any number of women with whom this scenario played out were either users OR they had issues, major issues. But for all that, were these women my problem?
Each and every one of those codependent partnerships of misery and angst had ONE common denominator: Yours truly.
You may be the common denominator, but what's also may be common is the type of women you're choosing. If you're the type of guy who keeps going after women who take you for granted and make you feel unappreciated, then you need to ask why you tolerate it for so long. No one wants to feel that way. It's one thing if your kids take you for granted. Most parents I know have come to expect that. But not from someone they're dating or interested in dating. So the nice guy really needs to ask himself why he tolerates being taken advantage of. What is he so afraid of? That if he stops treating her so well, she'll leave? Even if that did happen, is it such a terrible thing?
You may be the common denominator, but what's also may be common is the type of women you're choosing. If you're the type of guy who keeps going after women who take you for granted and make you feel unappreciated, then you need to ask why you tolerate it for so long. No one wants to feel that way. It's one thing if your kids take you for granted. Most parents I know have come to expect that. But not from someone they're dating or interested in dating. So the nice guy really needs to ask himself why he tolerates being taken advantage of. What is he so afraid of? That if he stops treating her so well, she'll leave? Even if that did happen, is it such a terrible thing?
Unless I'm mistaken, I SAID that very thing -- so why are you telling me?
Urban Sasquatch, I don't really know why you keep assuming I am a pushover and a doormat. If you could meet me (unlikely due to distance) or speak to my friends, I doubt you would get that impression. I won't come across as a "tough guy" (my physique won't portray that image), but to some people I appear a guy who does not give a damn. And that's because most of the time I don't. Can I take my confidence and self-respect further? Sure, everything can always be improved. But trust me, they are at healthy levels. (actually, without meeting me, you will have to trust what I am saying anyway).
You are giving me lots of advice about how I should quit being a pushover, but guess what: I already did. And I am sorry to inform you that gaining some confidence and behaving with self-respect is not the magic pill that makes women notice any man in that way. They do improve you as a person, sure. But since every case is unique, for some men (not only me) they are not the key factor, or not enough for things to work. By the way, don't misunderstand me here: I don't say this trying to prove you wrong: I wish I was wrong myself and having things fixed with just healthy confidence and self-respect.
But this had no effect on attraction, at least for me. This is what you did and it worked for you? Great! Now you know what you were lacking. But don't assume what works for some people will work for everybody. Because if it did, it would in fact BE the magic pill. Which, you said yourself, does not exist.
Urban Sasquatch, I don't really know why you keep assuming I am a pushover and a doormat. If you could meet me (unlikely due to distance) or speak to my friends, I doubt you would get that impression. I won't come across as a "tough guy" (my physique won't portray that image), but to some people I can appear a guy who does not give a damn. And that's because most of the time I don't. Can I take my confidence and self-respect further? Sure, everything can always be improved. But trust me, they are at healthy levels. (actually, without meeting me, you will have to trust what I am saying anyway).
You are giving me lots of advice about how I should quit being a pushover, but guess what: I already did. And I am sorry to inform you that gaining some confidence and behaving with self-respect is not the magic pill that makes women notice any man in that way. They do improve you as a person, sure. But since every case is unique, for some men (not only me) they are not the key factor, or not enough for things to work. By the way, don't misunderstand me here: I don't say this trying to prove you wrong: I wish I was wrong myself and having things fixed with just healthy confidence and self-respect.
But this had no effect on attraction, at least for me. This is what you did and it worked for you? Great! Now you know what you were lacking. But don't assume what works for some people will work for everybody. Because if it did, it would in fact BE the magic pill. Which, you said yourself, does not exist.
Then what's missing? Are you hideously deformed, simply so unbelievably ugly no woman wants to be in the same state? A clock simply won't run in the same house with you?
Is your hygiene lacking? Do you show an utter lack of drive or ambition so that it's clear from a single conversation with you that you're going nowhere? Do you speak in some crazy, high-pitched, nasal whine so that people are made uncomfortable in your presence as they fight the internecine war between pity and laughter? Do you lack all social skills or knowledge of social cues, so that the moment you meet a pretty girl you begin to leer uncontrollably, blatantly staring at her chest while you reach a hand out to stroke her? Do you type in English but actually only speak a rare dialect so that you'd be a ladies man on ONE island in French Polynesia where a group of lesbian amazons thrive by mating and then killing?
I said there is NO magic pill for winning women. However, the topic of THIS thread is the ongoing lament of why the wimminz is so darned MEAN to "Nice Guys". That makes the typical nature of so-called "Nice Guys" the subject open for discussion. If the ONLY problem for these guys is that they're "nice", and women are all just being mean to them, and they're capable of DROPPING (per the thread title AND the article cited) their "Nice Guy" persona, then it calls into question whether they were ever nice in the first place AND it immediately dismisses the question of them being "NICE" as the problem.
So tell me:
IS being "nice" the problem because nearly every woman out there is just an evil user who takes advantage OR secretly despises guys who are nice to her?
Or IS being nice not actually the problem and it's something else?
That's a direct question, Carra. Please address it. Because if "niceness" isn't the problem at all, then it needs a separate thread to address "What am I doing wrong, since the problem ISN'T that I'm a nice guy?"
Unless I'm mistaken, I SAID that very thing -- so why are you telling me?
My post wasn't directed at you. I'm using the word you in a general sense.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carra
And I am sorry to inform you that gaining some confidence and behaving with self-respect is not the magic pill that makes women notice any man in that way. They do improve you as a person, sure. But since every case is unique, for some men (not only me) they are not the key factor, or not enough for things to work.
Exactly. Becoming more confident is only the first step. By itself, it's not enough. But a lack of confidence can hurt your chances to the point where anything else you have going for you (looks, career, etc.) won't matter much.
Urban Sasquatch, since you continue refusing to believe me, will you believe other people? Just from the confidence thread, you can find:
- Real life examples of confident men who don't attract women
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotARedneck
Real confidence, in my view, is being able to make a presentation to a large group, stand up for what is right even if puts your safety or well being at risk, put off immediate gratification because you know that the sacrifice will be worth it in the end, etc.
The solidly middle class "nice guys" I knew at college and many single men I've known since exhibited these traits and much more. Women were rarely interested.
- Commonly known cases of not confident men who attract women
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
I do agree that many women mistake cockiness for confidence. And many men take advantage of this by acting confident when they're really not. If you see the countless threads about nice guys acting like bad boys, then you know what I'm talking about.
- Examples of how wrong we are sometimes telling which people are "confident" and which not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980
Confidence is a term used for allot of good looking people who may not be "confident" but people are physically attracted to..
I could look for more, but I think you get the point. Now, answering to your post: I don't really know what I am lacking. If I knew I would already be working on it. Obviously I'm lacking something since I won't attract women. Or at least not enough: we all know that part of the problem is competing with other men. Any woman I have ever met who I found somewhat good looking had some guys over her. So it might not be I'm not attractive, just that they had options to other guys more attractive and I am discarded.
I can tell you however, some of the things I did improve on myself over the last 2 years:
- Improved confidence and behavior
- Caring less about women and dating
- Gained more and better friends
- Went out more often
- Was more outgoing and sociable
- Lost weight
- Improved my posture
- Learned salsa and other latin dances
- Dressed better
- Changed my look to one that better fits me (I have been told that)
- Got a stable job and personal projects for the future
- Bought my own house
Does that seem enough? I have to say I run out of ideas actually. So as I told you I don't know what is missing, and I don't know if I will ever attract women, but I know that at least I won't ever regret not trying. That's more than what most men in my situation can say.
Notice the common agreement is that a lack of confidence means that men will be failures with women.
Isn't that a bit judgmental by women about men? Imagine if men were as unforgiving about women about characterisitics of their personalities.
Well, I think forgiveness would naturally start with yourself. Perhaps, if you're not confident, you don't really value who you are and what you're about. If you don't value yourself, it might be difficult for others to value you. We all typically need to take the lead on that end.
what in the world, are you wimps whining about, now?
lmfao!! :d
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