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Why would I do that...? You voice your approval; others voice their disapproval. While it may be normal in your relationships, it's certainly not normal in many others.
If you have a problem with it, you say it before the bachelor's party. ("Have fun tonight... please no boobie/booty shaking, I don't like it.") A stripper at a bachelor's party isn't all that unusal so let's not play games here. It should have been addressed beforehand.
Saying it after is nothing more than waiting & wishing for an excuse to berate your partner. No wonder the OP is having second thoughts.
Also, don't pull this immature nonsense in which you try to belittle me "it may be normal in your relationships" in order to boost your own point of view. Let's try to be adults here, ok? Give it a shot.
together for 4.5 years, and live together.
it's 2 weeks before the wedding. we have guests coming from out of country, and the west coast.
i'm thinking of calling it off and breaking up all together. i feel like it's not the right match personality wise, and although we've been together for this long, i just now have realized how difficult my life will be with her if we get married.
i'm at work right now, and can think of nothing but this. i don't know what to do. my head is about to explode.
I haven't read the rest of the thread yet, but I agree with those on the first page that, after thinking real hard, you should call it off before the date gets too close.
I don't really believe you when you say you just realized. That's just silly. No doubt you've known for some time and just ignored yourself or whatever. Since you're the one breaking it off it's on you to take care of the wedding bologna. People losing money for airfare? Start saving your money. The dress, the favors, the deposits, etc should be your responsibility. Returning any gifts that have arrived for the wedding should be your responsibility. Your girl will be dealing with enough from you calling it off. The least you could do is clean the mess up. That would be the respectful and responsible thing to do, imo.
I think most women know what goes on at 95% of bachelor parties, but for some reason, many of these women think they fall into that 5% category. Actually, they know the least of which goes on, and a majority probably never know what actually goes on. But most will bury their heads in denial at the thought of their soon-to-be husband getting one last shag before marriage. It's easier to pretend it isn't actually happening than to go through the humiliation of cancelling that grand wedding and losing your deposits.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,000,387 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68
I think most women know what goes on at 95% of bachelor parties, but for some reason, many of these women think they fall into that 5% category. Actually, they know the least of which goes on, and a majority probably never know what actually goes on. But most will bury their heads in denial at the thought of their soon-to-be husband getting one last shag before marriage. It's easier to pretend it isn't actually happening than to go through the humiliation of cancelling that grand wedding and losing your deposits.
This is why I feel as I do, I know it usually doesn't end with a lap dance. These women are paid well, they're going to deliver. I don't have my head in the sand.
I still find it hard to believe after 4.5 years of being in the relationship and 2 weeks before the wedding, the OP is JUST figuring out he doesn't want to marry this girl. I feel the arguments about the strip club and snoring are excuses to cover what you are really feeling and probably have for some time but now with the date of the wedding quickly approaching, you are pressed to make a decision.
I don't know what the dymanics of your relationship are but I feel you owe it to yourself and your gf to sit down and talk things out. Tell her your concerns, fears, thoughts about your relationship. Put it all out there for discussion. At the end of the day, if you still don't feel you can do it then by all means call it off but don't leave her in the dark about it. Be a responsible adult and make the appropriate decisions for the both of you.
I tend to think that if you feel this way you should call it off, but I wonder how much of that is from seeing too many chick flix.
My bro's fiancee called off their impending wedding twice--the first one was to be a big wedding and then a year later they were going to do something on a much smaller scale but she called that off too. Years later she called him and told him that it was the biggest mistake she ever made and has never been happy in her current situation. He also has never been happy with his wife. So, the answer is, I really don't know what's best. It may be that he would have been even less happy with the fiancee. (She tried to get back together with him again after breaking it off a second time but he wasn't willing to go thru that again.)
I guess you could ask yourself the old Dear Abby question: Are you better off with this person or without this person?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,000,387 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita
I still find it hard to believe after 4.5 years of being in the relationship and 2 weeks before the wedding, the OP is JUST figuring out he doesn't want to marry this girl. I feel the arguments about the strip club and snoring are excuses to cover what you are really feeling and probably have for some time but now with the date of the wedding quickly approaching, you are pressed to make a decision.
I don't know what the dymanics of your relationship are but I feel you owe it to yourself and your gf to sit down and talk things out. Tell her your concerns, fears, thoughts about your relationship. Put it all out there for discussion. At the end of the day, if you still don't feel you can do it then by all means call it off but don't leave her in the dark about it. Be a responsible adult and make the appropriate decisions for the both of you.
Good luck!
Could it be the once-in-a-lifetime lap dance awoke the ol' sleeping bachelor within?
I think most women know what goes on at 95% of bachelor parties, but for some reason, many of these women think they fall into that 5% category. Actually, they know the least of which goes on, and a majority probably never know what actually goes on. But most will bury their heads in denial at the thought of their soon-to-be husband getting one last shag before marriage. It's easier to pretend it isn't actually happening than to go through the humiliation of cancelling that grand wedding and losing your deposits.
5% raises her hand
I've been to male and female b. parties. Many moons ago I ended up at a male strip club and I thought it was pretty ridiculous. The women were insane. And I was young. I had some guy humping my leg and I wanted him off. I couldn't find the groove in it.
We drove 6 hours to a beer fest up in Canada at the last one. I guess the allure of strip clubs isn't as appealing in certain social scenes. The dh and I run with risque crews. Nakedness and partying go hand and hand. For that matter, when I was a dead head there was plenty of nakedness happening in that scene as well. There's little reason to go pay to see boobs when you can just sun bathe at the hot springs with naked hotties running around. Perhaps the mystique gets lost after awhile. But, for the run of the mill strip club? I can't think of a cheesier way to start off a marriage. It certainly speaks of a person's taste, but popular culture speaks of popular culture, I guess.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,000,387 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita
LOL....well, it certainly could have been a very good lap dance but if it was awakened that easily, it was never too far off to begin with.
I can imagine a man mistaking a lap dance gone above and beyond the call of duty--so to speak--for an interest in him (or maybe just pushed his 'what about my options' button) when it was merely business as usual--thus, the sudden misguided urge to remain at the bachelor party....indefinitely.
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You voice your approval; others voice their disapproval. While it may be normal in your relationships, it's certainly not normal in many others.
